Meeting people in clubs and girls in general yay

LegacyUser

How do you meet girls in clubs? I find it almost impossible to "chat up" a girl in a club. They're all in their own groups and don't move apart at all and even if they did, the music is so loud that it's incredibly awkward to have a proper conversation. I'd be a shy, reserved guy for the most part but I can talk to almost anyone about anything when I "feel" like for want of a better phrase. I seem to 'clam' up alot of the time when talking to a girl I find attractive or just having a perfectly polite, normal conversation with no connotations what so ever. Just wondering how others have dealt with this, I presume confidence comes with age?

Speaking of confidence, I always hear that girls like personality and confidence. How do I become confident without being an arrogant git. I'm a good looking guy, I used to think people were ripping the piss out of me when they tell me that since I had almost zero confidence even 6 months ago but I still find it really hard to meet girls. Might sound shallow but it's bothering me alot lately.

Oh the joys of being 21.

Angus Og

Try dancing. It shouldn't be hard to lure one of them out of the group if you've already got the looks. You can't be that shy if you actually go to a club, so why not enjoy yourself?

And yes, it will get easier.

meditraitor

Take up the smokes ourlad and always have a lighter on hand, the smoke area is were all the hooking up happens;)
Good luck

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies, 2 things however. 1 detest dancing in a club. I feel awkward and clumsy really. As for smoking, I'll try carrying a lighter but I'm a 100% non-smoker.

Bob_Harris

I think it's time to accept that in all inevitability you will end up alone forever.

Ultimately we are born alone and we die alone. What happens in the middle is irrelevant, so I wouldn't fret to much about not being great with girls.

Dancing is for fags anyway.

Nevyn

Bob_Harris banned for 1 month.

babychuckles

confidence does come with age.
It is impossible not to get annoyed by the noise but a nice smile goes a long way and when the guy attached is sober then in my experience it goes a long way in their favour. Girls tended in my experience to stick together as they felt secure in groups ie they dont have as much confidence as they appear to have in reality.

Denerick

You'll rarely meet your future wife while pissed in a tacky nightclub. What most people don't seem to realise is that really really crap music they play is entirely voluntary! You should think of going to one of the better music nights around Dublin (Such as Blues, Jazz, electro etc.) You don't need to put up with Rihanna's latest round of crap in order to pull.

As for the loud music - join the club. (No pun intended) The only people I ever see pulling in a loud nightclub are those who have no inhibitions about dancing provocatively in a nightclub and 'dancing off' with a girl. ANd they tend to be incredibly handsome individuals. For the likes of you and me, the smoking area is the answer...

LighterGuy

Sorry for the bit of a long post. But I think you'll tend to agree with what I say afterwards...

Its like a sink or swim thing. Sadly unless you have a large number of friends, or are in a position to constantly meet new people in your day to day life. Most people would tend to rely on bars for meeting people - which as said above is not the best of places. Its too loud to actually talk to someone and then there are some women that hate talking to drunk men, or you would meet women who are just plain ol' stuck up.

But its still sink or swim. You got to have the balls to go up to girls. The smoking area tends to be the best place alright. Now i'm not posting this thread giving the impression i am great myself at it. i can be shy too ... like most people. But within saying that from my life experience I know what needs to be done.

Some guys just go in "cold" - approach them and chat. Others pick good timing - When a girl is at the bar. Talking to her a little. I think the majority of guys use the dance floor - thats not a good option. Chatting with someone will weigh more then ever dancing.

I think the secret is just to approach women but with the intent of chatting about something first (ice breaker) nothing to do with a 'i'm obviously coming onto you type of line' Always gets a better result. Not going up and saying "oh hi... my name is XXXX" or "i saw you over there etc". Like if I am at the bar waiting to get served and there is a girl beside me, who i like, i create something random ... "oh the barman will serve me first... just watch" (obviously saying it with a smile) probably saying "if he serves me first, he is gay.. he looks gay? could be gay? hope he is gay?" (suprisingly it works lol) - if she gets served first you can turn around and say thats not fair!?!?! (to her obviously :P ) ... something simple like that, for me, is a great ice breaker. then before she goes ask her name. The name being the key part. By asking it she will remember. Then talking to get later on its a hell of a lot easier. Anything like this. Anything you can think of. its the same princible as "sorry do you have a light?" ... Opening a conversation where what you are saying is not obvious with what you're doing.

But even within saying this ...

Meeting someone OUTSIDE of the bar scene is best I find. However goes back to what I said above at the start. I find anything to do with alcohol involved is bad.. (well when i say alcohol i mean "bar") Anywhere outside of it you can meet someone. Can maybe be a bit harder. But I met a girl from my local off-license last year. Just by always going in.
I have my eye on a local bargirl actually ... lol. But who doesnt have an eye on her (shes stunning lol)


Op,
Maybe you should read or watch "The Mystery Metheod" - 90% is BS... but it gives good tips on how to approach.

Karmafaerie

I must say that all this stuff about the smoking area being the easiest place is a bit navie.

Non smoking boys and girls do procreate too people.;)

Ye might find it easier, as being smokers, ye tend to spend half their time in the nightclub out in the smoking area.
You do realise that people got "lucky" just as much back before there ever were smoking areas too right.

As for the OP's question.
It really comes down to being prepared to take the first step.

Sink or swim as was said earlier.
You have to realise that everyone has been shot down.
You will be, so just accept it.
Sometimes the woman just won't be interested.

I used to be the same as you when I was your age.
Always staying within the comfort of my friends.

But, as with most things in life, once you get over the initial fear, it becomes a lot easier.
As I said, you will be rejected.
Everyone is at some stage, but it's not the horrible humiliating experience that we build it up to be.
Have you ever had a girls flirt with you that you weren't interested in?
Well it's the same really.
If she's interested, she'll let you know, if not, then just cut your losses so to speak, and say your goodbyes.


Don't worry about becoming an arrogant pri€k.
That's something that you have to be born with mate.

silver_surfer

While waiting at the bar is always a good time to break the ice. It might just be a short conversation but if she makes the effort to talk to you again after that you've a fair idea that she's interested.

LegacyUser

hi op,
if its any help im in the exact same boat as you, im a 21 year old guy aswell in university and have endless oppurtunitys to get to know women, but my shyness holds me back. i find alcohol helps my greatly with my shyness, when drinkin i let go of all inhibitions and am actually really chatty and good with women. It sickins me to have to rely and drink to have any sort of confidence in my self, as like you i have been told by several women that they find me attractive but i dread the thoughts of having to bring a girl home etc because i know the next morning will be really awkward. Im working on my anxietys at the moment as with self help books, i am also considering CBT in the near future to help me with social anxiety. All i can say is hang in there buddy things arent as bad as they may seem when the time is right the right woman will find you, and something i have learned is that your probebly better off single at this age because most of my friens=ds in relationships at the moment arent actually happy in them at all.

LegacyUser

johnnyp88 wrote: »

hi op,
if its any help im in the exact same boat as you, im a 21 year old guy aswell in university and have endless oppurtunitys to get to know women, but my shyness holds me back. i find alcohol helps my greatly with my shyness, when drinkin i let go of all inhibitions and am actually really chatty and good with women. It sickins me to have to rely and drink to have any sort of confidence in my self, as like you i have been told by several women that they find me attractive but i dread the thoughts of having to bring a girl home etc because i know the next morning will be really awkward. Im working on my anxietys at the moment as with self help books, i am also considering CBT in the near future to help me with social anxiety. All i can say is hang in there buddy things arent as bad as they may seem when the time is right the right woman will find you, and something i have learned is that your probebly better off single at this age because most of my friens=ds in relationships at the moment arent actually happy in them at all.

Lads I think if your trying to pull in a bar or nightclub go in sober or only have 1 or 2 drinks, I find Im more nervous but girls seem to flirt with me a lot more I suppose because Im not a drunking idiot unable to put a sentence togethor or keep shouting sorry what did you say.
Dont get me wrong I enjoy nights out where I drink loads but for those nights where I want to meet a girl I go in sober works well for me

6th

jj235 wrote: »

Lads I think if your trying to pull in a bar or nightclub go in sober or only have 1 or 2 drinks

^^ this ^^

LisaMe

Go out to have fun with your friends- hooking up is a bonus!! You're more than likely to get chatting to someone when you've least expected it