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can you be in a relationship if you dont get on with your in laws

  • 18-02-2010 1:57am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    myself and my girlfriend are together 3 years on and off. i do love her and dont want to hurt her. we have had rough patches but nothing too bad. The thing is i just dont get on with her family. I have tried my best to gel with them and have put myself out for them so many times but it just doesn't seem to change anything. i have babysat nephews for days and weekends, helped build a shed for her brother, driven her father to hurling matches collected her sister from the pub. don't get me wrong they are nice enough to me its just i seem to be on a different level to them all. not that im better then them i dont think i am but when i sit in a room with them i just dont feel one bit comfortable or at ease. i feel just out of place. i have felt like this for so long now. tonight we'd a party for her nephew all her family were there and i just felt like shouting out of frustration. Can this relationship last? i know i'm not going out with her family but at the end of the day you kinda are too.


Comments

  • #2
    Angus Og
    Closed Accounts Posts: 401 ✭✭Angus Og


    It won't last if you let this stuff get to you. Plenty of people have put up with worse than discomfort from their in-laws. It really depends on how much you love her, and how much you want her. Is she good enough for you? If yes, then focus on her, and just be yourself around the family.


  • #3
    Beruthiel
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    Needadvise wrote: »
    i know i'm not going out with her family but at the end of the day you kinda are too.

    I've never subscribed to that notion.
    If you are with someone you really care about, then their family has nothing to do with it imo.
    If you are not interested in spending time with them, then don't.
    Go now and again for her but don't be going out of your way to put yourself in their company on a regular basis.


  • #4
    Peggypeg
    Closed Accounts Posts: 578 ✭✭✭Peggypeg


    Hey OP,

    You don't have to "gel" with her family. You don't have to like them and they don't have to like you. To be honest it sounds like while you're not head over heels with them or them you, both sides are being friendly, civil and accomodating. That's alot and all you really need, you don't need to think they're the bees knees, you're not going to see them more than once a week or so, if you love your girlfriend it would be an awful shame to give her up just because you're not terribly impressed with her family. Just get on with it I'd say, don't throw away a good relationship because the trimmings aren't as good as the rest of the package. ALOT of people don't get on with their inlaws, you sound like you have an amicable relationship with them, which in fairness is all that's really needed.

    Best of luck.


  • #5
    hyperbaby
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 511 ✭✭✭hyperbaby


    I didn't really get along with my ex's family.
    his dad was an ignoramus and his mother was holier than thou.
    in the last two years i got on with his mother okay, but then i was told on the day that we broke up that the only reason she got on with me is because she had no choice. such a lovely thing to say.

    anyways, i reckon its important to get on with them if your other half is living with her family and you see them a lot too, otherwise it probably doesn't matter that much.


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