Talk/Text EVERY day?

LegacyUser

Hi, So Im in a new-ish relationship. We've been together 4 months now, both in our early 30s. At the start, the talking/texting was daily/nightly (the honeymoon period!). And I got used to it and enjoyed it. Made us closer I think.
But recently, he has definitely backed off on the texting and talking every day. While it would feel very normal to me to text him in the mornings to say hi, or in the evenings to say goodnite (and it used to be normal to him), it seems he now feels we don't have to do it EVERY day. I don't feel I have to do it. I want to do it. If we were on FB at the same time, we'd always have a 'chat'. Lately I've noticed he ignores me, or loggs off if he sees me there.
So my question is, were we going OTT with the talking/texting every day and is this now normal? OR is he backing off (although he swears he's not)???

ash23

Personally I would feel that as a relationship progresses, contact would be more regular than less.
I think he's backing off because he's losing interest. Or else you are smothering him.
Stop texting him and see what happens or how long it takes him to contact you. You'll sson see where you stand.

ztoical

If you've talked to him and he says he's not backing off then you either trust him or you don't. Personally I know I can go mad for the first week or so with text and what not but quickly bore of it as the honeymoon period passes. Some people just don't like taking via texts and the internet. I know I'm great for taking to people in person but really dislike chatting via facebook and have logged off when I see certain people logging in not cus I want to avoid them but cus I know they love to chat and I just don't have the time. I assume your seeing him in person so unless he is trying to back off on meeting up or avoiding making plans to meet in person I wouldn't worry.

LegacyUser

No he hasn't backed off on the meeting up/going out stuff at all. Is still always very attentive etc. Looking at another thread on here, and we've had 'the talk' and decided we like each other alot and will continue the relationship and see where it takes us - this was only 2 weeks ago, and then the texting/telphone calls died down.
I'm not paranoid, but I am wondering if he regrets 'the talk'...

Aurora Borealis

I think you might be over-analysing here. Been there, done that and now I'm not the texter and things happen much more organically. Just play it by ear I reckon and try not to fret.

krudler

Do you find you run out of stuff to talk about when ye do meet up if you've been texting constantly? me and my gf decided to not text each other as much purely because its nicer to talk about our days in person or on the phone, we still do the "morning hun" or "sleep well" texts and just random hey hows going ones during the day but theres no need to have full blown conversations, they're best kept to when you can actually speak to each other imo

Liam Byrne

ash23 wrote: »

Personally I would feel that as a relationship progresses, contact would be more regular than less.

But if you've started off daily/nightly, you can't really get "more regular".

I'd say that the initial flush made ye be in touch "too much", and now reality is setting in.

Much better to make the most of the times ye are together and talk properly, anyways.....text-based "conversations" are pretty annoying.

fox65

krudler wrote: »

Do you find you run out of stuff to talk about when ye do meet up if you've been texting constantly? me and my gf decided to not text each other as much purely because its nicer to talk about our days in person or on the phone, we still do the "morning hun" or "sleep well" texts and just random hey hows going ones during the day but theres no need to have full blown conversations, they're best kept to when you can actually speak to each other imo

+1 to this. I'd much prefer to have a decent interesting chat on the phone/in person. The text at night is something nice, but not necessarly after a phone conversation, that depends on couple to couple

Peggypeg

Hey OP,

I think you should just take him at his word and trust him. He said he really likes you etc so just trust that he does. I wouldn't be a big texter myself and it can get irritating when you're basically just exchanging pleasantries. I'd say back off a wee bit and just go with the flow. If it's you he's gone off then you'll know fairly soon, but as you say he hasn't been backing off from dates etc. Like someone else said stop over analysing it.

Millie

I wouldn't worry too much about the lack of texting.
When I first starting seeing my boy we never did the "good morning" "good night" text messages. In fact we didn't even text everyday but a year later we're still going good.

I'd say I would have wreaked his head if I were texting/ringing him on a very regular basis and we still don't do that.
We use the phone as a necessity rather than a flirting aid

gavney1

Unregistered wrote: »

No he hasn't backed off on the meeting up/going out stuff at all. Is still always very attentive etc. Looking at another thread on here, and we've had 'the talk' and decided we like each other alot and will continue the relationship and see where it takes us - this was only 2 weeks ago, and then the texting/telphone calls died down.
I'm not paranoid, but I am wondering if he regrets 'the talk'...

Well, I think most guys don't like the whole texting/phone chats as much as women.

Guys rarely ring each other for "a chat" or text each other with gossip. It's generally something funcitonal along the lines of "see you there at 8, bring cans".

Tbh, I wouldn't worry about it OP. With previous GFs I've been the same. I'd text a good bit at first and then it'd gradually get less frequent. It didn't mean I liked them any less, it's just I hate texting ppl. I prefer just meeting up and communicating that way.
I REALLY REALLY hate texting - and I'm sure I'm not the only one

dotsflan

yep i agree with gavney1 here! i think the majority of men hate texting! i know my last relationship was ended because of texts. She wanted me to text more but i just didnt like texting (there so easy to misinterpretate, which happened a lot with her) and would much rather chat face to face, so she decided that i was getting distant and so we had stupid rows and broke up! so OP if you want my opinion i wouldnt read too much into it.

LegacyUser

dotsflan wrote: »

yep i agree with gavney1 here! i think the majority of men hate texting! i know my last relationship was ended because of texts. She wanted me to text more but i just didnt like texting (there so easy to misinterpretate, which happened a lot with her) and would much rather chat face to face, so she decided that i was getting distant and so we had stupid rows and broke up! so OP if you want my opinion i wouldnt read too much into it.

I understand that texts aren't the best way to get your point across. Out of interest though, would you reply to her text if she sent you one? I broke up with my last boyfriend because he didn't reply to me for three days, and then made the excuse he had no credit.
A lot of men use this method to 'let you know' they're not into you

shellyboo

If I was in touch with *anyone* 24/7 I'd go pure mental. Everyone needs time to themselves, and there's nothing more irritating than someone texting or calling or gchatting when you're just trying to take a bit of space.

There's no way you can sustain constant contact - the drop-off happens in every relationship and I think it's good and natural. In that initial peroid, you're learning things about eachother, feeling things out, getting to know the others' life - that's not necessary later on. If you were texting all the time you'd have nothing to talk about! I don't see a problem with not chatting every single day.

dotsflan

deregister wrote: »

I understand that texts aren't the best way to get your point across. Out of interest though, would you reply to her text if she sent you one? I broke up with my last boyfriend because he didn't reply to me for three days, and then made the excuse he had no credit.
A lot of men use this method to 'let you know' they're not into you

oh yeah id reply as soon as i could if she text (i cudnt use the no credit excuse cause i have free texts:p)
But then lets say if i wanted to watch a program on tv or something like that and said that il chat to her later, 5 times out of 10 she'd go off in a strop even though the chances are what we were texting was pure rubbish!! I think some of it related back to her previous bf cheating on her though, i guess she felt she had to know what i was doing

LegacyUser

dotsflan wrote: »

oh yeah id reply as soon as i could if she text (i cudnt use the no credit excuse cause i have free texts:p)
But then lets say if i wanted to watch a program on tv or something like that and said that il chat to her later, 5 times out of 10 she'd go off in a strop even though the chances are what we were texting was pure rubbish!! I think some of it related back to her previous bf cheating on her though, i guess she felt she had to know what i was doing

I'm glad to know I didn't make a mistake breaking up with him so! Head wrecking going out with someone who doesn't have the honesty to say 'I'm not interested'. I pick up on it straight away and show them the door before it becomes an issue for me!

Yeah, if a girl has a thing about texting her/ringing her etc, you can be sure she was messed around with before she met you! You can blame her previous boyfriend for needlessly winding her up : P