I don't know about my relationship any more

LegacyUser

I have been with my partner for five and a half years.

Lately, I just don't know if it's what I want any more.
We have had a few serious fights in our time together, yes, some violent, usually relating to drink. we were walking home from the pub once and starting arguing about something..I ended up slapping him across the back of his head (wrong I know), then he said I'd be sorry when we got home...he slapped me across the face, making my nose bleed. I know I was wrong too to have hit him first. He has always said that if a woman ever hit him, he'd hit them back.
Last night, he was trying to annoy me by repeatedly hitting the side of my leg(not hard, it was just really annoying), cos he wanted to make me get up and bring in the washing (I kept saying no as I was wrecked and asked him to do it)
so I hit his leg back (I didn't think it was hard), then he proceeded to pinch me really hard on my leg, bringing tears to my eyes, then he got up, called me a "useless c***" and went out and did it himself.
He doesn't really make a fuss of special occassions. I've never once received flowers for any ocassion. (I've told him loads I'd love some)
He never makes an effort to buy presents on his own thinking, he always tells me to let him know what I want, I have told him I would like a surprise sometimes but no avail. He's just really unromantic like that. (he is romantic in other ways like holding hands, etc)

I don't want to make him out to be the bad guy in all of this, cos I know I sure as hell can be a proper bitch myself.

I'm just really, really fed up now. I don't know what I want at the moment basically.

I guess I just wanted to vent here really.....

LegacyUser

I know to some extent what you mean coz me and my boyfriend have had some fairly volatile arguments, I guess it's fair to say we have a fairly volatile relationship. It seems like every few weeks we're fighting over something and it can get quite heated with shouting and name-calling etc.

He's never ever hit me though. I slapped him across the face once when I got really frustrated and to his credit even though he was insanely angry he didn't touch me.

Even if you were "being a bitch", even if you slapped him first, he's a man and you're a woman. That's not a fair fight,physically. He should never hit you and certainly not so hard that your nose bleeds - that's more than just a lovers' tiff, that's assault.

Plus he pre-warned you that you'd be sorry when you got home - so it wasn't a heat-of-the-moment fly-off-the-handle thing, it was premeditated. He threatened you. Then he later carried out the threat. He's evil.

I know you want to consider the nice things about him too but nothing nice he ever does could counter-balance the abuse.

Be strong, leave him and be happy. x

kayos

no violence wrote: »

Even if you were "being a bitch", even if you slapped him first, he's a man and you're a woman. That's not a fair fight,physically. He should never hit you and certainly not so hard that your nose bleeds - that's more than just a lovers' tiff, that's assault.

Not this sort of attitude again. Yes it was assault but it was assault as soon as the OP hit her BF. Gender does not matter you should not hit your partner no matter what gender they are. The OP should have though about it before hitting her partner.

I'm not saying I condone violence in fact I dont. But I also dont condone someone being excused due to being a female.

According to your logic a male being abused in a relationship to the point of serious phyiscal abuse can do nothing about it and should do nothing about it due to being a man and the person beating him around the head/holding a knife to his throat or what ever is a poor little girlie.

Faith

no violence wrote: »

Plus he pre-warned you that you'd be sorry when you got home - so it wasn't a heat-of-the-moment fly-off-the-handle thing, it was premeditated. He threatened you. Then he later carried out the threat.

That's the bit that jumped out at me too. I'd understand if it was a reflex retaliation, but he had ages to think about it and decide against it. He still hit you.

I'd get out of that relationship asap.

Barracudaincork

no violence wrote: »

Even if you were "being a bitch", even if you slapped him first, he's a man and you're a woman. That's not a fair fight,physically. He should never hit you and certainly not so hard that your nose bleeds - that's more than just a lovers' tiff, that's assault.

Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing excuses violence regardless of the sex of the victim and the perpertrator. There actually is no excuse for violence full stop, we are humans not animals! I felt sick reading this post, knowing you actually believed what you wrote.

Barracudaincork

Faith wrote: »

That's the bit that jumped out at me too. I'd understand if it was a reflex retaliation, but he had ages to think about it and decide against it. He still hit you.

I'd get out of that relationship asap.

What is the likelyhood that the OP shut up after he warned her and the skipped happily home hand in hand and then he carried out his threat as soon as they were in the door? Unlikely!

What more than likely happened is that the Op and her fella still argued the whole way home, still fighting, still pushing each others buttons etc etc so chances are he didnt have any time to think about it, especially not enough time to calm down etc

Peggypeg

Hey OP,

You know there's not a single part of your post that makes me think you two should be together. Never mind the hitting (disgusting), the pinching, name calling etc. that alone is enough to finish the relationship, it's that you go on to say that he's not romantic either, it just sounds like you're going throught the motions and you're not in love anymore. My advice, get out before one of you ends up in hospital.

p.s. Don't ever ever EVER EVER hit someone, man, woman or child it doesn't matter, hitting someone makes you a scumbag and I'm sure that's not who you want to be.

Nevyn

so_confused you relationship has become so toxic you don't have any basic respect for each other, I suggest you both go to counselling asap and you should consider leaving this realtionship while you sort yourself out.