Open relationships

LegacyUser

Hi, I'll go unregged for obvious reasons.

Hey ok, so this is a strange situation so not sure what kinda advice I'm looking for really or not.

I've started seeing a girl before christmas. We were friends before but we were with other people before and all that. We just both kinda ended up single at the time and it just kinda happened that we started kissing and seeing a lot of each other.

It was a bit awkward since we kinda hid it a bit at the start since things got a bit complicated with her ex as he seems to be having a lot of difficulty accepting they arent going out anymore. As bad as it might sound though, its not really my problem, I need to ve my ife too and she is a single girl so I dont want to worry about her ex, I woudnt have kissed her had she still been with him.

Anyway. This is our situation:
We are seeing a lot of each other, doing stuff together and kissing. Strictly speaking we aren't going out but I guess we are kind of acting like we are. We discussed it and she doesnt want to get into anything serious right now. Her last reationship was longterm and she had relationships before that so I guess its the first time in a lot of years she's single and I think she just wants a bit of space and not have to worry about someone else. Thats fine with me really. I haven't reay had extremely long reationships but I've been in and out of stuff with girls for last few years, some relationships not that heathly. I like my freedom and don't really like the pressure and stuff some girls can put on you when they get into relationships and to an extent I'm at a good place in my ife right now I'm undecided if I want a serious girlfriend or not.

It actually sounds perfect right...lol... we both pretty much get to spend time together, have fun and since we're not takin it that seriously yet, then theres no real pressure on right now.

I do kinda like her though and maybe it was a bit drunken but she let me know at the weekend she likes me.

We didnt make a deal out of valentines, we were both away for the weekend with friends, we were in the same place but I was on a sort of boys weekend and she was with the girls. We hadn't really planned to meet up over the weekend but he started texting a lot late on Sunday wanting to see me.

I was out with the guy for the 2 nights. The guys were all drinking and chatting up women. I wasn't moping or anything, I was having a great time but couldnt really make myself chat anyone up. I kinda feel like I should have tried more though so I dont get too hung up on her incase I get hurt. The other guys were kinda making fun but I was having fun just chatting to people and drinking with my friends and having the craic.

I know she has probably kissed other guys while I've seen her. I know the girls even met up with this gang of lads from Dublin this weekend and scored some of them. I dont know if she did but I kinda presume that she did. I don't know that for sure or anything and I'm not upset or anything since this is what it is and its kinda open. Sometimes I like that I'm under no pressure, it is what it is, I'm free to meet other girls if I want, if I was to do that and met someone who DID want to mkae more of it then I'm within my rights and she is the same within hers.

I just kinda think the problem is that I've been in this kinda relationship before where its not that serious and I ended up getting a bit hurt in the end because I began to like them and they met someone else. I just kinda dont want the same to happen here as I do kinda like her. She actually said on Sunday night that if she was ready for another boyfriend that she'd want to be serious with me but needs that bit of space right now.

Actually I'm making this seem like its all her idea. I'm kinda all for not making it serious either. I've had ultra-serious relationships before and I've been very smothered and found it difficult to take that girls get so insanelt dependant on you at such a young age, I dont think its right, I love being independant and I'd love a girl who is two which is why this kinda works.

The weird thing is, I usd to be into the PUA stuff. I got into it as I couldnt get a girl to save my life. I was never good at it but I improved myself a little to know a little bit more what to do and how to be a little more assertive and confident about myself.

Other than that it was quite a destructive path as getting too deep into it tends to leav you with some very strange views on people and life and interactions. The basis is good as it gets you more social and able to chat and have fun if you are shy but its not good to get too deep. I used spend ages every day reading forums and stuff learning new techniques which I'd go out and mess up and beat myself to death for not scoring loads of girls a night which is such a ridiculous though now that I have realised it. I quite enjoy having a cool girl to spend time with but also able to focus on things such as my fitness sports, playing music, my career without this stuff clouding my mind.

I guess I'm always a bit confused about which path to take.

Nevyn

What do you want?

Do you want to have a go at a proper monogus 'steady' relationship with her?
Do you want to have a go and set down rules for a casual meet up when ever relationship with her?
Do you want to try an open relatonship with her?
Do you think that maybe you are better off ending things now and looking for someone who will want a causal relatoinship with an eye to it becoming more serious?