boyfriend totally unsuportive

ricewind

Im 6 weeks pregnant and feel totally misserable. My boyfriend of 5 years is totall unsupportive. I told him I was feeling unwell and he responded by telling me that it was all in my head... Then while I spent yesterday throwing up he never once asked if I was ok and just told me to go to bed. His valintines day gesture was a card with 2 scratch cards in it. That made me feel soo unloved.
Im really at my wits end and am thinking of moving out and doing this on my own. I feel so alone and desperate. All my friends had such a lovely valintines and mine was spent with him watchinf films online, I didnt even get a kiss.
Has anyone else been trough this ????????

Nevyn

Have you talked much about the pregnancy with each other?
I would suggest buying what to expect when you are expecting and leaving it for him to read. Does he want to be a dad or is he still in shock?

ebmma

He's probably still in shock...
You need to talk about it. Try not to get too offended before you do..He's probably just scared.

ricewind

Iv tried talking to him but he seems more pissed off than in shock all he keeps moaning about is money and having to move as were in shared accomodation, even though he is in a very good job with great money and Im also In a very good job. He already has a son from a previous relationship who is going on 12. He is 38 and Im 30 so I dont see what his problem is. Reguardless of weather he wants the child or not he should be treating me with the respect that I deserve after 5 years together.
It seems like history is going to repeat itself ifhe doesnt sort himself out because I will leave him and do this on my own. This should be a happy time for me but instead its like a nightmare... Im begining to wish I wasnt pregnant

threebeards

Hey OP,

As I'm typing, my 7 week old daughter is lying in her cot beside me . I obviously don't know you or your bf but all I can do is tell you my experience. When my wife found out she was pregnant, she was over the moon, nearly to the point of OCD at times. Me, no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get excited. I have no idea why and I was beginning to worry about my mindset. That feeling stayed with me believe it or not until my wife was in the labour ward. When my daughter appeared, it was like a cloud lifted from my head and only then I realised what all the fuss was about. I would move mountains for my little girl and all I can think about when I'm at work is getting home to see her.

The mind is a powerful tool - the minds of us men is probably the biggest enigma of all time . For what it's worth, my opinion and advice would be to let your bf come to terms with it in his own time, in his own way. It's a huge thing for both of you, lifechanging for the positive in the extreme. Give him time and space. Good luck with it all.

Richie

Tmeos

Hey, sorry to hear you're having a tough time. Is this something you have noticed before or has it just been since the pregnancy that he is acting like this? All I can advise is just try to talk to him openly about how you're feeling. Its likely he's having a tough time adjusting to the news and the changes this will bring to you both. You need to be upfront and ask for the support you need otherwise he will stay focused on his own feelings. Hope you feel better.

hacked

I'[m going to say the opposite of everyone else.

I wasn't in a great situation with my other half either. Give him a chance, try and work through it...but after a point, enough is enough.

I gave my man two months, and when he couldn't just grow up and be a man I decided I was better off without him. Do not let anyone make the pregnancy difficult for you. Right now he should be being considerate of you...not the other way around.

Grawns

I would point out though that pregnant women are extremely emotional. For at least half of my pregnancy I loathed my husband. Fecker was getting on with his life like nothing was happening! Made me so sad mad and bad.

whippy

Hi,

I'm 12 weeks pregnant and when I was six weeks pregnant I posted a very similar post to you. I've been with my bf for four years and was very shocked at his reaction. The tendancy to be an emotional wreck didn;t help. However, I found that giving him space and just acknowledging that he has feelings too and that he's having difficulty coming to terms with it helped.

My bf doesn't have any other children makes the situations different but I've read a lot about this in the last six weeks and it is beginning to make more sense to me. They don't have the physical changes to force them into coming to terms with it and even I find it difficult to image that there is a baby in there never mind how difficult it is for him!

Men also tend to worry about money a lot more and maybe that's playing on his mind.

A lot depends on what he was like before. For me, it felt for a little while I was living with a different person but, as he's come to terms with it, the guy I used to know is coming back. He's still not 100% there and maybe he won't be until the baby is born but he's getting there.

You need to be able to talk to him but maybe for now it's best to give him some space. I just stopped talking about it and stopped reading about it in front of him for a few days and eventually, he came to me to talk.

I think it can be easy to feel, that as women, we're the only ones that this is happening to, but he's entitled to some opnership too.

I hope this is of some help

Swizzles

Hey
First of all congrats

I kept reading loads about babies when i first found out even though i knew it drove my boyf mad but i just wanted to educate myself but it just caused me to worry more which led to us fighting alot more over stupid things just because i was worried.
Like whippy said its hard for men to understand as they arent going through the physical changes..(Id gladly swap in a heartbeat )
Now that i have a bump it seems like where much more intune with each other ..He even admitted that he thought i was going to forget about him because all i did was fixate on the baby ...
My advise..Give him time

Redpunto

My fella never really beleived I was pregnant with our first till he "popped" out in the delivery ward.

But saying that you do need a hell of a lot of support through this. Have you actually said that you are close to leaving him unless his attitude changes? Maybe if he copes on to how close he is to being on his own he might change his mind set.

hacked

a previous poster made a good point -- you need to take into account what he was like before.

I did not leave my guy on a hormonal spew, he was getting quite abusive and wouldn't pull his finger out of his bum!

How are things now? anything calmed down yet?

Bubbles09

Hi & congrats, I bet you are delighted. Is this your 1st?
Your boyfriend doesn't sound happy about the situation at all & he has been there before..
Was he like this before you got preg or just lately?
I'd say breeze him on - he is making your baby sound like a burden with having to move etc. Tell him stop being a misery guts and get a grip or hit the road!!

You have your own attitude you don't need his and you especially don't need this worry!

themysteriouson

Hopefully everything works out for you I know a lot of us have had similar situations when we told our partners. All you can do is give him a bit of time to come to terms with it if he doesnt come round then its up to you to decide where you want to go from there.