Moulding The Kids

Dr Galen

So at this stage I've no kids, but I was recently talking to a mate who has a young boy. We were chatting about the ins and outs of being a dad, and we got to the idea of pushing kids in certain directions.
Specifically, pushing or moulding them so they take interest in things that we like, or to do things that we wish we could have.

I've often joked that my boy (when he comes along) will end up playing for Liverpool, he'll be kicking a football from before he can walk etc etc. I say this as a joke, but, now I'm a little worried that maybe I will do this kinda thing. That maybe even subconsciously I'll be nudging in certain directions. I would like to think I wouldn't though.

What are other peoples thoughts on this? Is it common? Have you as a dad done this, or maybe its happened to you?

amacachi

My kids are gonna eat loads, play a lot of sports and I'll have them reading and doing multiplication before they're 4 like I was.
When they hit their teens if they want to be lazy ****ers they can go ahead, just annoyed I stopped playing sports regularly at such a young age.

Giselle

Mystik Monkey wrote: »

So at this stage I've no kids, but I was recently talking to a mate who has a young boy. We were chatting about the ins and outs of being a dad, and we got to the idea of pushing kids in certain directions.
Specifically, pushing or moulding them so they take interest in things that we like, or to do things that we wish we could have.

I've often joked that my boy (when he comes along) will end up playing for Liverpool, he'll be kicking a football from before he can walk etc etc. I say this as a joke, but, now I'm a little worried that maybe I will do this kinda thing. That maybe even subconsciously I'll be nudging in certain directions. I would like to think I wouldn't though.

What are other peoples thoughts on this? Is it common? Have you as a dad done this, or maybe its happened to you?

Whats wrong with nudging them? If they develop lots of interests through being exposed to different influences it'll make them rounder people.

I think you could probably nudge in different directions but they'll stick with stuff they really like.

Mackman

I dont have any kids, yet, but I dont think there's anything wrong with nudging, as long as your not nudging them into something that they dont like just because you want them to do it

DazMarz

Well I know for a fact, my kids (girl or boy) will defo absorb some directions from their dear old dad: their first soccer match will be in Stamford Bridge watching Chelsea! Their first GAA match will be watching Dublin from Hill 16! I'll be reading them stories and encouraging reading and so on. They'll be playing sports and stuff (like I did, but stopped.....:() and generally they'll be mini-versions of me, so God help the world!:D

If your kids turn out like someone completely different from their parents, I think that's bad. Kids should inherit some of their personas from their parentals... Just don't overdo it.

amacachi

DazMarz wrote: »

Their first GAA match will be watching Dublin from Hill 16!

Turning up 15 minutes late yeah? God forbid some year all Dublin's matches will start on time like everyone else manages.

DazMarz

amacachi wrote: »

Turning up 15 minutes late yeah? God forbid some year all Dublin's matches will start on time like everyone else manages.

Haha, nope! They'll be there on time, cos I always like to catch the curtain raiser too, and stake out a good spot!

OldGoat

I pushed my two in the directions I want them to go, in music, in litrature, in sport, in education, in political outlook.
/Shakes Fist at Kids
Damn independant thinking childrens. Grrrrrrr.
Waddya mean you don't like the Doors?
How come you havent read The Lord of the Rings 6 times yet?
nonononono Senna was better then Schamcker!
Well thats not the way they taught me to do it back in my school days.
Anarchism IS a real political movement!

Dr Galen

Giselle wrote: »

Whats wrong with nudging them? If they develop lots of interests through being exposed to different influences it'll make them rounder people.

I think you could probably nudge in different directions but they'll stick with stuff they really like.

i think nudging was probably the wrong choice of word on my part. I think gently nudging in certain directions is probably something that just happens naturally.

I mean more than that. I'm talking about proper pushing them in a certain way. For example, my mother was musical, she pushed me in that direction. I happened to like it........to a point. My point of liking it, and her point of wanting me to do it, where quite far apart, and arguments ensued. In the end it all worked out fine, bt I think you know what I'm talking about here.

I think your right, and I fully plan to expose my kids to lots of different and disparate things, cultures etc etc. I suppose I just don't want to fall into the trap of creating a bunch of mini-me's here

JohnK

Mackman wrote: »

I dont have any kids, yet, but I dont think there's anything wrong with nudging, as long as your not nudging them into something that they dont like just because you want them to do it

I fully agree with this. Nudging your child in the directions of things that interest you is only normal but I strongly disagree with forcing them to partake of your hobbies. Theres nothing wrong with, for example, taking your child to a soccer match or sending them along to a club for training but if they don't like soccer then you shouldn't force them to keep going.

amacachi

I don't plan on controlling my kids' lives, but I want them to do as much as possible from an early age so they'll always have the choice later on. Trying to take up golf after your teens, for example, is very hard. As with a lot of sports. I'd like my kids to have a wide choice of what to do. I'd also encourage reading, music, maths, science, TV, everything.
Also I hope to be in a position to home-school my kids, which would make all those other things possible.

Emme

It's fine to influence your children in a positive way as long as you're doing it for their own good and not to make them fulfil ambitions of your own that you haven't achieved. If you do that you'll wreck their heads.

I know a 7 year old who loves everything to do with cars and his dad is the same. They go to motoring events together - son sees dad having a good time so he has a good time as well! I'm sure the same applies to GAA, rugby or whatever.

If you want to expose your children to different cultures start by sending them to a school where there is a mix of children from different cultures.

stovelid

I have to fess up that I've already bought my 19 month old a fair bit of rovers and man united stuff. My wife thinks it's hilarious. I'm also dreading his mother's family pushing him towards GAA and he's mentally penciled in for match day mascot duty and meeting the players in Tallaght the minute he hits 5 or 6 years old. The minute he doesn't want to go though: I won't make him.

As I was the first in my family to go to Univeristy, I'd also like him to go down that route but it's hardly a priority on par with him being happy.

At the end of the day, kids will go their own way though and amen to that.

Anyhow, from what I see of time-poor father-son relationships around me, going to matches and spending that time together is never wasted, no matter what the outcome.

Snowie

OldGoat wrote: »

Waddya mean you don't like the Doors?

nonononono Senna was better then Schamcker!

I didnt like the doors at young age I liked craddel of filth:o....then i got into groove armada and left feild etc.........

and I didnt like Mile's davis guess what i do now....

as for the Shume being better then Senna personaly I'd say they hadv ery induvidual driving styles but yeah senna was better:cool:.....


Im saying nothing about kids yet beause i need to figure out if there like me or there mum who ever she will be.. once i know who they take after i will be in a better position to prod push direct with what they do.... but i do intend to keep them very active if there anything like me.... and suger being a very big no no :pac:

Fremen

I got nudged as a kid. It was the best thing my parents could have done for me. I remember finishing my first-class reader in the car on the way to the first day of school. They were never particularly forceful about it though, more or less just led by example.

My mate's dad had a great idea. The dad's an Everton supporter, so he pushed the son toward Liverpool. That way, when he turned into an asshole rebellious teenager, they still had some sort of dialogue going, even if it was just a football rivalry.

iptba

A rather specific example but if I have kids, I'd be inclined not to push them to do a musical instrument too much i.e. for lots of exams (not talking about teenager years when they can do what they want).

I gave up music quite young (took up guitar again as a teenager) but I saw there was a lot of aggro trying to get my siblings to practice each day. I also saw this with my best friend when I was at primary school age.

I liked being "free and easy" - get the homework done and free for the rest of the day. If parents are going to have aggro with their kids, I think it's more important it's making sure they keep reasonably uptodate with their school work.

I found sports, particularly team sports, a great way to mix with people so might nudge them (particularly a boy) that way.

silverharp

I must say I dont get the whole, "there going to follow my football team" thing, its hardly teaching them independant thinking. The best approach is to try to build their character and expose them to as many sports and activities to see what they are good at.

Agricola

Id say introducing kids to afew different areas of interest, seeing which they really like and nudging them towards that, is a good idea. If you think about some of the most successful sportspeople, musicians etc in the world, alot of them had a parent who bent over backwards to facilitate their kids interests. From Tiger Woods, to Andrei Agassi, to Michael Schumacher, to Lewis Hamiltion. They all had parents who pushed them (maybe abit too much) in their chosen direction.

I know from my own experience, leaving kids to their own devices isnt always the best idea. I grew up in a very rural area, an only child. My mother and father didnt go in for any kind of activities. After work it was either collapse in front of the tv or head for a drink in the pub. They had no interest in sport really and didnt encourage me to take it up. Im naturally fairly reserved and kept to myself so i ended up getting into solitary interests like gaming and technology. Thats all fine, and ive ended up in a career in IT, but i just think i would have been opened up to alot more if my parents had had a different outlook on things. Some of my friends (from the same area) grew up in GAA saturated houses and were given a hurl and dropped off for training nearly as soon as they could walk! They would have had a much more active social life than me growing up and always knew alot more people.

Im not sayin one way is better than the other, just food for thought.

humberklog

I wouldn't push (for fear of pulling) in a certain direction but rather take down some roads I know to be useful things to be able to return to later in life...how to work a manual 35mm slr camera, playing/understanding music, chess, Hebrew, cosmology/astronomy and cooking. She loves them all now but will in later years will probably not bother with them, but when needed or rediscovers them they won't be completely alien to her.