Why should I stay quiet?

LegacyUser

Over 10 years ago I found out that my cousin (who was like a big brother to me) sexually abused my three brothers (for over 10 years with one of them) and at least 2 cousins. It was a massive shock. He used to live with us and would look after us when my mother was sick (parents seperated).

Anyway nearly all of my aunts and uncles said it was terrible but pretended like it didnt happen and wouldnt talk about it. When his family heard about it they got him out of the country.

Ten years later his mother dies suddenly and he came back for the funeral. I couldn't let him get away again so I called the guards.

At first they wouldn't help me as the guard that worked on the case had moved over 4 years ago and they said that they couldn't help me.

Long story short (kinda) I eventually got him arrested on thursday. All of my aunts, uncles and cousins are angry that it was done the day after the funeral. People are telling me to keep quiet about the fact that it was me who done it but this is the best thing I have ever done and I am very proud that I was able to do it. If they had not hidden him for years I wouldnt have had to do it at all.

Im sorry about the long post but I dont know if I should be quiet about it or should I shout it from the rooftops. Any advice? Also does anybody know what will happen next? I heard that he is in court tomorrow.

jellyboy

Hi op

As harsh as this will read....

it is down to the people who he abused...you have no right what so ever to impose your feelings and thought process on to the victims.(i dont know the story as wat you wrote seems to centre on your needs)

Do you think that they have the rights to do wat they need to do?

Do they know the guards will be calling to them?

Did you tell them that you were doing this?

Did he abuse you?

I hope for you that the can of worms has a good ending...

my heart is with you

LegacyUser

Sorry I never explained properly.

My brothers made statements to the guards about it all 10 years ago. That is why he fled the country.

The people he abused are delighted he has been caught. I would never do anything to hurt them, he has hurt them enough. The reason I did this was for them and only them. They have all thanked me for doing it and that is why I am so proud.

It is my other relatives who are having problems. None of their brothers or children were abused by him. They are just angry that it was done a day after a sad funeral.

Angus Og

Let the other relatives be angry, it's not your fault. The people that were abused have a right to move on with their lives, and if they are really happy that he was caught, then it sounds like that is what they intend to do.

You don't have to make a show of it, just let the process happen.

Miller Boy

Fair play to you, OP. You were right to do what you did. You'd have spent the rest of your life beating yourself up, if you hadn't done it.

If you had waited another day, your relations would be giving out that it was only two days after the funeral, etc.

Two thoughts... The relations problem is probably that this family scandal is out in the open. And.... I'm sure it's crossed your mind that he's been up to the same kind of thing while living abroad also. It's quite possible you're preventing ongoing misery for someone else by doing what you did. Just because it happened so long ago doesn't make it any less serious.

I think it was Edmund Burke who said, "All that is needed for evil to thrive, is for good people to do nothing."

You're the good person here. Well done.

LegacyUser

Angus Og wrote: »

Let the other relatives be angry, it's not your fault. The people that were abused have a right to move on with their lives, and if they are really happy that he was caught, then it sounds like that is what they intend to do.

You don't have to make a show of it, just let the process happen.

Thanks for replying.

They really are happy. I haven't heard my brother so happy in years. (he is very messed up from it) I dont want to make a show of it but i dont want to have to pretend that it wasnt me just to keep people who aren't involved in it happy.

I know it was a sad time for everyone (the funeral) and if I could have done it any other time I would have. I dont want to hurt anyone. They dont seem to understand what this monster done to people and they were quite happy to let him get away with it just because he is family. I suppose I just dont understand why they are acting this way. This man sexually abused his family for over 10 years and they "dont want to get involved" or are angry that he was caught. What is wrong with them? Am I wrong to think like this? I am very close with my cousin (best friends) and she "doesn't want to get involved" even though we are like sisters. Should I stay quiet about how I feel or not?

cafecolour

Fair play OP.

annoyed+angry wrote: »

When his family heard about it they got him out of the country.

That should be a crime in and of itself.

Angus Og

Annoyed+angy wrote: »

Thanks for replying.

They really are happy. I haven't heard my brother so happy in years. (he is very messed up from it) I dont want to make a show of it but i dont want to have to pretend that it wasnt me just to keep people who aren't involved in it happy.

I know it was a sad time for everyone (the funeral) and if I could have done it any other time I would have. I dont want to hurt anyone. They dont seem to understand what this monster done to people and they were quite happy to let him get away with it just because he is family. I suppose I just dont understand why they are acting this way. This man sexually abused his family for over 10 years and they "dont want to get involved" or are angry that he was caught. What is wrong with them? Am I wrong to think like this? I am very close with my cousin (best friends) and she "doesn't want to get involved" even though we are like sisters. Should I stay quiet about how I feel or not?

No, you don't have to stay quiet about how you feel. The ones who won't accept it are in denial, it's that simple.

I think that you should direct your energy into helping the ones that need help, and forget about what the other relatives are saying.

The other relatives are in denial.

They can only see sense for themselves, which will happen sooner or later. Especially after everything is out in the open.

LegacyUser

Angus Og wrote: »

No, you don't have to stay quiet about how you feel. The ones who won't accept it are in denial, it's that simple.

I think that you should direct your energy into helping the ones that need help, and forget about what the other relatives are saying.

The other relatives are in denial.

They can only see sense for themselves, which will happen sooner or later. Especially after everything is out in the open.

Thanks for the advice. I will do everything I can for them and if people cant accept what was done I dont want to know them. Easier said then done though as I live among them and am very close with a few.

Angus Og

Well I'm talking from experience here. My family helped out a kid who had been abused, and his mother still has it in for us. Honestly, she's a piece of crap and we couldn't care less what she thinks.

It gets easier to ignore people like that as time goes by, and I don't even live more than a hundred metres from her.

ChocolateRamses

Fair dews OP, that took some courage.

The only reason I would see for staying quiet is that not doing so will just give people an excuse to cause trouble.

This guy has been arrested and will get what he deserves, it's great that your brothers are able to get some kind of closure out of it, but there's no sense giving other people an excuse to cause trouble.

Cheap Thrills!

Well done OP. The people who sent your cousin abroad should be done for perverting the course of justice.

It sickens me when family members protect paedophiles.

Don't listen to anything those people have to say.

LegacyUser

It really is a horrible situation but it is not anyones fault except the monster who caused all of this and I will not feel bad for doing the right thing.

My family has had a horrible time lately, among other things last year my dad had a stroke and is very slow to recover so the fact that justice will finally be served is amazing news.

Thanks everyone for the comments, so glad that people have the same views about it as me.

theg81der

Well done Op! You did the right thing, keep your head up, they are the ones in the wrong and I think its a case of the best form of defense is offense.

jellyboy

HI op

Well done you.......

deisemum

Well done OP, you've done the right thing. Ignore those in denial.

Chances are you've done something that will prevent him from abusing other children for a while anyway.

If he has abused other children while he's been abroad then your relations who helped him flee the country have to take on board their role in aiding the abuse.

Billiejo

Well done.
We are ALL responsible for protecting children. You are not only doing that but also prevented any future abuse of innocents by this paedophile.

One has to wonder how many hidden-suffering kids are left behind in the Country where this abuser has been living?.
If it were me in your shoes I would also contact Child Services /Social Services/Police Child Abuse Dept in the area of his last known address.

ddef

wait just a second here.
After your abused brother filed a statement, It was only then the mother made his abuser flee the country?
And they're trying to make it out that you betrayed them?!
wtf is wrong with the world...

LegacyUser

Fair play to you OP, you should be proud of yourself, i'd shake your hand if I met you. I'm sick of this backwards attitude in this country where everything is swept under the rug.

LegacyUser

ddef wrote: »

wait just a second here.
After your abused brother filed a statement, It was only then the mother made his abuser flee the country?
And they're trying to make it out that you betrayed them?!
wtf is wrong with the world...

After my 3 brothers made statements and I made a statement about how I found out about it. He then fled the country and his parents would still come and try talk to me about normal stuff.... How sick it that???

And now Im the bad one who got him arrested after his mothers funeral!! FCUK that

ddef

You know you did the right and just thing, so fúck what anyone else has to say, there is nothing else to say. fair play OP, hats off.

Forest Master

OP - you are 100% right in every single one of your actions. Well done.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone for replying.

Just found out that he got bail and the case is not going to happen for months. I seriously cant believe this.

Ashlinggnilsia

I wish I had something on the guy that did it to my aunt and uncle, they made no complaints as far as I am aware, kept it secret, my father told me recently, he only found out years after, both my aunt and uncle died young from cancer. My father then told me that this man had went to both funerals. I was enraged! My granny is getting fairly old now, and we have been told before that she was going to go. He was a guard, but he is an old man now, I don't know what he looks like, I don't know his name, but I have asked that if when my granny dies, if he has the cheek to turn up to point him out to me and I am going to tell him to F**k off out of it and tell him I know exactly what he did. It makes me so angry to think that he never had to pay, and never will. He is married has children all of whom are grown up now, but as far as I am concerned, he doesn't know who I am, won't know who I am and he's an old man now and if he thinks he could scare them into doing nothing he won't scare me. I don't care if he is an ex-guard. I don't care what the consequences are I will say something to him if he dares show his face. I just wish I had been told and my uncles funeral so I could have said something then!

yellowcurl

OP i'm just wondering, was this man's passport taken from him when he was given bail? (i have no real understanding of these aspects of the law) I'm really sorry to hear about what happened to your family, you're so brave to have done what you did. It'd just be horrible if he still had his passport and his family were able to sneak him out of the country again. This man deserves to go to jail.

Denerick

Miller Boy wrote: »

Fair play to you, OP. You were right to do what you did. You'd have spent the rest of your life beating yourself up, if you hadn't done it.

If you had waited another day, your relations would be giving out that it was only two days after the funeral, etc.

Two thoughts... The relations problem is probably that this family scandal is out in the open. And.... I'm sure it's crossed your mind that he's been up to the same kind of thing while living abroad also. It's quite possible you're preventing ongoing misery for someone else by doing what you did. Just because it happened so long ago doesn't make it any less serious.

I think it was Edmund Burke who said, "All that is needed for evil to thrive, is for good people to do nothing."

You're the good person here. Well done.

Overall, that was a fantastic post. But I cannot help correcting the common misconception that Burke actually said that (He did not)

/pedantry

Miaireland

Well Done OP you did the right things.

I would have no concern for his family, they swept this under the carpet and by doing this endangered other children.

You have not only helped your brothers but also all the kids in the area he lives in or could have moved to.

Hopefully the police will have removed his passport and are making him sign on in a Garda station weekly since they know he is a flight risk.

Well Done again.