type of man how tries to make me jealous

LegacyUser

I'm beginning to think I am attacted to the 'type of man' who feels the need to make me jealous with other women, if there is such a type. I'd been seeing a guy up until xmas but had to end it after due to work constraints, I wasn't able to give him the time needed for a relationship, but we ended on good terms and I had hoped to remain friends, which we did. We have seen each other since on a friendly basis. We had gone for drinks or to the cinema, we were doing what friends would do. He asked me out for valentines day, but again because of work I could not. I got the feeling he wanted more so I suggested another night and he said yes. I saw him last night and he was with another woman. He gave me the cold shoulder (at this point we had/have? still arranged to meet up during the week). I didn't mind seeing him with another woman. I broke up with him so that he could see other women because it wasn't fair him waiting on me to be finished working. What did hurt was him ignoring me. He did it in such a prominant way, it was like he wanted me to see him with her. If the shoe was on the other foot and I had started seeing someone else I would have made a point of saying hello, it was if he wanted it to hurt.

My relationship previous to this ended with my ex dumping me for an associate of mine. Someone he knew I was jealous of for work reasons. After being together for 4 years he dumped me for her (who he had only met once in his life) in a very dramatic fashion, and then changed his mind a month later and wanted to rekindle the relationship. He said it was nothing to do with her.

Reading over them now I don't know if they are comparable situations but I do feel like both men went out of their way to make me feel bad whilst being with another woman. Is this something I should be expecting in my next relationship? I never considered myself a jealous person. I'm worried now I'm being attracted to specific type of person who feels the need to do this. How do I knock this on the head, what do I need to look out for in a person or avoid? Is it something that I may be doing that encourages it?

shellyboo

2 men is hardly a pattern. You're overthinking it. There's no magic formula for picking the right guy, it's trial and error, and most people only get it right once - so it takes a lot of getting it wrong before you do.

LegacyUser

shellyboo wrote: »

2 men is hardly a pattern. You're overthinking it. There's no magic formula for picking the right guy, it's trial and error, and most people only get it right once - so it takes a lot of getting it wrong before you do.

You are right, I probably am overthinking it
I don't know if I can handle many more getting it wrongs though.

PK2008

It sounds more like you're the person with jealousy issues to be honest

LegacyUser

Surely if you liked the guy you would have gone on seeing him? Work reasons? Really?

Sounds like you want to have your cake and eat it - you wanted to be away from him, but felt bad when you saw him with someone else. Fair enough. But that doesn't make him 'the type to make you jealous' - he was right to be on a date. I'd say ignoring you was probably just shock. Try not to read too much into it. Of course he was covering bases with his dates - but weren't you as well? 'Friends'?

I don't think you're attracting a certain 'type', I think you need to put it in perspective. Everyone suffers with jealousy. Its always hard to see an ex with someone, even if you've no interest in them anymore. But remember you had first pickings there and turned it down, so carry on and stay calm!

LegacyUser

unregistered wrote: »

Surely if you liked the guy you would have gone on seeing him? Work reasons? Really?

Sounds like you want to have your cake and eat it - you wanted to be away from him, but felt bad when you saw him with someone else. Fair enough. But that doesn't make him 'the type to make you jealous' - he was right to be on a date. I'd say ignoring you was probably just shock. Try not to read too much into it. Of course he was covering bases with his dates - but weren't you as well? 'Friends'?

I don't think you're attracting a certain 'type', I think you need to put it in perspective. Everyone suffers with jealousy. Its always hard to see an ex with someone, even if you've no interest in them anymore. But remember you had first pickings there and turned it down, so carry on and stay calm!

you are right. I have got to learn to stick with my decissions. I'm being greedy for attention. I shouldn't feel bad for seeing them with other people, I should feel happy for them. He didn't do it intentionally. I'm feeling jealous all by myself how do I stop this? any male figures in my life have not been fateful, I think I just expect it now. I feel the urge to get rid of them before they do it to me. Its like an inbuilt distrust.
This is not healthy. Its like a small voice in the back of my head that says he will be looking at other women. I don't think its confidence about myself. I feel like all men are genetically programmed to keep an eye out for that next shag, not just to me but all women. I think so little of men now that I read over it.
This is bad. How do I get this out of my head?

Peggypeg

avoidance wrote: »

you are right. I have got to learn to stick with my decissions. I'm being greedy for attention. I shouldn't feel bad for seeing them with other people, I should feel happy for them. He didn't do it intentionally. I'm feeling jealous all by myself how do I stop this? any male figures in my life have not been fateful, I think I just expect it now. I feel the urge to get rid of them before they do it to me. Its like an inbuilt distrust.
This is not healthy. Its like a small voice in the back of my head that says he will be looking at other women. I don't think its confidence about myself. I feel like all men are genetically programmed to keep an eye out for that next shag, not just to me but all women. I think so little of men now that I read over it.
This is bad. How do I get this out of my head?

Honestly OP, I think you need to get into councelling. If you distrust someone just because they're male you'll never have a happy and healthy relationship. I'm assuming you have good money as you mention working alot. Why not spend some of your cash on a good councellor, it's a bit expensive but if it helps you to be be a more trusting, happy and content person then I'd say it would be money well spent.

Best of luck.