Stiff Issues

LegacyUser

Hi,

Have a situation that's cropped up lately and it's starting to freak me out - so, male, late twenties in a steady relationship and up to this point have had a perfectly functioning libido. However I've noticed lately that things are different for some reason and don't seem to be improving....

Basically I've become 'desensitized' in the bedroom - it takes quite a bit more to get things up and running before I'm ready for penetration. You could call it a state of semi-softness, and even when I'm flying the full flag it can disappear quite quickly if I don't get down to the nitty gritty. This is unusual for me as I can't remember ever having this difficulty before, I'm usually sporting a raging erection that could lift a car off of tarmac!!

It's starting to effect me on a psychological level as I've had to make excuses to my gal about tiredness or some other scenario to distract attention from the situation. Anyone else suffer this problem and if so can you shed some light on what might be causing it and what the hell I can do to get it fixed and pronto?

I should add that I don't drink that much, am of good general fitness. quit the smokes a while back and don't take any drugs or prescription meds. Does diet or exercise effect or promote the libido?

Any advice is greatly appreciated - I' m tired of sporting a hardon that's more Tofu than porn star. It's starting to make me nervous and this is not helping the problem either....

Cheers peops

Angus Og

Are you sure you're attracted to this lady? I mean, if you lose it when you are with her, that would tell you that the problem lies in attraction.

A man will go for hours with the woman he lusts, maybe that's your problem?

Are you afraid of hurting her feelings? Maybe you are nervous?

Cuddlesworth

Soft Porn wrote: »

Does diet or exercise effect or promote the libido?

Exercise does. The increased testosterone really brings out the animal in me anyway.

LegacyUser

I'd try not to worry too much OP about this I think although it can be difficult not to. I was in a similar boat recently myself. My situation was slightly different in that it had been many many years since I was last with a woman, and even then, it wasn't a roaring success. I recently started seeing a girl but hit problems in the bedroom. It was weird. The first few times we'd just be holding hands in the cinema, or cuddling a bit at my place and I'd be getting hard to the point where I'd literally need to change my jocks. I'd wouldn't have cum, but I'd in the prep stages which can make things messy. Sorry for the graphic details.

Anyway I'd be like this when we were cuddling or holding hands or whatever, but when things proceeded to the bedroom, I wouldn't be hard. She'd be grinding on me (half naked though) and she'd comment/wonder why I wasn't hard. I didn't really know what was going on to be honest. I knew there was no physical problems with me as I wake up every morning with a raging boner. I also would get hard during the day when I thought about sex and things like that. It was just when we started to fool around and do stuff, nothing would happen.

Like she'd start playing with it and it would sort of get semi-hard but then if she stopped playing with it, I'd lose the erection quite quickly (within a minute or so). The same thing happened a few times when I put a condom on. The erection would sort of disappear although it wasn't too hard to begin with. I often just wouldn't be that turned on when we were naked.

Needless to say this played on my mind incessantly. I'd be wondering all day what was wrong with me and why couldn't I do it after so many years of waiting. My mind would be throwing up all sorts of negative images, stuff like "ah, you could never be a father now" etc. She also started to get upset as well when it happened. I tried to re-assure her that she wasn't the problem, but anytime it happened, she'd go completely silent and wouldn't respond. I know this made her feel bad but to be honest, it wasn't helping the situation. It's not like I was doing it on purpose.

If you are getting hard at other times of the day when she isn't around, that would suggest that it's mostly some sort of performance anxiety. If you are never getting hard, even when you are on your own masturbating etc, then I'd suggest a trip to your doctor.

In the end myself and her went our seperate ways. She seemed to be getting more and more upset with the bedroom situation and even though I told her she wasn't the issue, she didn't seem to believe me. I'll be honest as well though and say that I don't think my feelings for her were developing and I'm betting this was a big part of the issue too (as well as nerves etc). I'd been seeing her for a month or so but I wasn't mad into her. I liked her and wanted to give things a chance but it didn't seem to be happening for me. I feel bad, but it was better to end it now.

I also found myself still wanting to go after other girls which I knew wasn't a good sign. I think you need to ask yourself that as well. Have you just lost interest in this girl? I'm not sure, but if you have been seeing this girl for a while and had no issues before, perhaps you are losing interest?

If she notices that you aren't getting hard etc, it would be good to reassure her she isn't the problem. Some girls can interpret that as it's them not being attractive enough. Most of the time that isn't the case, but it can be frustrating as it just puts even more pressure on the guy and a lot of the time it's unnecessary that they think that way about themselves.