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"Never Attracted"

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  • 12-02-2010 9:26pm
    #1
    Never Attracted
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3 ✭


    Hi,

    Not a major one but trying to get some opinions, really want to see if my thoughts are right or wrong…?

    Went out with somebody for the guts of a year last year, ended last August, and we both knew it had to break up, thought at the time we had a lot of respect for each other and a few months earlier she was telling me “how good I was for her” and also told me in a round about way that she loved me and when we broke up she said what I thought at the time was a beautiful sentiment and that “we were 70% there but not fully” (in reference to the relationship – I thought it put a nice value on it if that makes sense)

    We were living together and I moved out October (we nearly got on better than before in that period, and kinda became good friends as opposed to a couple if that makes sense)

    Anyway to make a short story even longer we stayed in touch through November, near the end of the month we met up for a pleasant lunch at mine but at the end of it she told me “that she was never attracted to me” and that "it should have all ended after a month” to say the least I was gobsmacked and terribly hurt by this and could not believe what she had just said, it is impossible for me to reconcile her 2 views on the relationship and think somewhere along the way she has been very disingenuous.

    We met again subsequently about 10 days later and she told me that she was seeing somebody else – she even somewhat goaded me by telling me how brilliant this new guy was.

    I thought now a lot of the contact would naturally flitter away….No - a week later she’s still in touch…. 8 texts in a weekend, the following week roughly 7 texts in a weekend, this was all a bit weird for me so I asked her to give me some space. Would you believe that from then till the end of Jan not a week past but there was not some kind of contact from her.

    Met her at the end of Jan to go to something we booked way back – on that night I was going to ask her to please please please give me the space I wanted, but before I could she ended up crying on my shoulder as her new beau had “dumped her” – she was also going through a tough time work wise as she had lost her job two weeks previous.

    In fairness I could hardly ask her for space now when she was down on her luck. Anyway for the last two weeks I have been giving her quite a bit of support in helping her to get what could be a very good job, I don’t mind doing this (without sounding conceited I’d like to think that I’ve quite a good nature and would help anybody when they are down) and I also really hope she gets the job as it would be really great for her career wise

    Soon though I am going to have to ask for my space back, so much so as in complete cut off for a couple of months and then see how I feel about us being friends - don’t get me wrong we would never ever be an item again – I would not go back there.

    Thing is I really don’t know what to make of what she said, have always been very conscious about my looks (Shreck 2) and the thought that she could tell me she was never attracted to me 2 months after a years relationship ended has left me very hurt and confused - what was it all about ??

    Suppose there are always two sides to a story but question is…..Am I being over sensitive here ?(something she often accused me of) or was it a really rotten and unbelievable thing for her to say ?
    Tagged:


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    #2
    Angus Og
    Closed Accounts Posts: 401 ✭✭Angus Og


    Very complex issue.

    Did you meet the new man? Could it have been a ruse with the aim of creating jealousy?

    I won't say anything else yet, in case I'm right. You sound really nice. Maybe too nice.


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    #3
    Never Attracted
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3 ✭Never Attracted


    Hi thanks for the reply...No he was not a ruse (great word by the way), he did exist, know that for sure


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    #4
    Angus Og
    Closed Accounts Posts: 401 ✭✭Angus Og


    Well, then I'd have to say that you're being used. You're her comfort zone, and that means she doesn't need to be attracted to you. You just need to be really nice, and it's obvious you are.

    Help her get the job, if you feel you can resist bitterness, and then go on with your own life. You may have to tell her straight out that it is over, or she'll keep contacting you. As you said, even the presence of another man failed to halt that.

    It's not fair on you. You have to think of your happiness.


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    #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I was with a guy 3 years and he cheated on me. As a result he stopped sleeping with me - in hindsight I think it was because he couldn't bring himself to sleep with me after what he did but maybe I am giving him too much credit for this.

    But after 3 year, we were both 37 by the way, he turned around and said he 'just didnt fancy me', 'just didnt find me attractive' and that our relationship was never that serious in the first place. We were engaged.

    I never did find the answer, but he sounds a lot like your ex girlfriend. And you sound just like me who would ben over backwads to please someone and help them no matter what.

    You are being used just like I was - and her knocking your esteem was a bigger reflection on her and the type of person she is than what she actually said to you. Pay no attention to what she said. Stop helping her. She will find another fool to do that. I know my ex did straight away after leaving me. These sort of people always need someone to lean on as they r not strong enough to live their lifes alone.

    Wish you all the best, You sound lovely and I hope that you meet someone that you truely deserve.


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    #6
    Never Attracted
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3 ✭Never Attracted


    Thanks for those replys - appreciateed !!!!

    Not to sure though that she is using me - always found her to be very honest but perhaps I'm just being a fool.

    Any other opinions welcome....


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    #7
    Angus Og
    Closed Accounts Posts: 401 ✭✭Angus Og


    That's what I meant by too nice, and you really are. You don't have to be brutal, just assertive.


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    #8
    PK2008
    Registered Users Posts: 2,219 ✭✭✭PK2008


    Jesus mate, she's treating you like a door mat and you're not just letting her walk all over you, you're helping her.

    You need to cut this woman out of your life asap. Its a pretty simple procedure- stop answering her calls


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    #9
    pfishfood
    Registered Users Posts: 126 ✭✭pfishfood


    Man your too nice and shes treating you like as someone said a door mat. You really have to break completely for your own sanity at least. No your not being oversensitive and while what she said was harsh as pertaining to not being attracted to you it was unfortunately for you what she felt. You shouldn't be worried about the looks side of it, basically what if she doesn't like you then there could be someone else that will. Hope this helps.


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    #10
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    This is what I've learned about revisionism. You know when someone says things like 'I was never attracted to you', 'I never loved you', I never took it all that seriously', 'It was just a fling,' : IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE TRUTH OF THE PAST. It is an indication of how the person plans to move forward into the future. It can be very hurtful to hear but you both know its a crock. Its part of the pack of fictions we tell ourselves to make ourselves feel a bit better.


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