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Confused with my relationship.

  • 12-02-2010 1:38pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi.

    I've been with my GF for about two and a half years. Things from the get go moved very fast ( too fast for me I'll admit ). This relationship is also my first relationship and this is the main reason I need help, I'm just might not be seeing obvious signs because of my lack of experience in relationships.

    A question I ask myself almost daily is "do I want to break up with her". This in itself should answer my question right?

    I have never gone through with breaking up with her for many reasons. Firstly we work together, so lifee would get awkward.
    Also I'm a shy enough person and worry about if I'd ever meet anyone else. ( I want to be alone for the immediate future [I tink] but I dont want to spend my life alone).
    I'm not actually sure if I do want to break up with her at all, I fear that if I do I'll realise it was a huge mistake and I'll regret it instantly.

    I'm not sure if i'm lying to myself and they are just what I tell myself as I'm too scared to break up with her, I mean to scared of the process of doing it, sitting her down and saying it and watching her breakdown. Even if I'm not in love with her anymore I don't want to hurt her ever.

    Like I'd want to be good friends even if i chose to break up.

    I'm just really confused as to what I want to do and it's probably showing in this messy post.


    I've been thinking about it for a long time I should mention.


Comments

  • #2
    ManOfMystery
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,394 ✭✭✭ManOfMystery


    OP

    The first thing you'll have to accept is that breakups ARE messy, there's no way round that. I've been through plenty as have many other posters on here. You can't have your cake and eat it - there's no way easy way to break up with someone, not hurt them, stay friends with them, and everyone lives happily ever after. That's an ideal situation but rarely (if ever) happens.

    However, the fact remains that you sound very unsettled and unsure of your relationship. My take on it is - if you were 100% committed and 100% in love with her, you wouldn't feel like this.

    What age are you incidentally? If you're quite young and haven't been out with anyone before it's normal to feel a bit restless.

    If you're not happy in the relationship and don't think there's any elements within the relationship which need changed, the single best thing you can do - for both you and her - is be honest and end it. Explain your reasons to her and be straight. She'll be annoyed and hurt, naturally, but in the long run you'll be doing the right thing for both of you.

    Also, don't be scared of not meeting someone else down the line. There's 6 billion people on this planet and you've already managed a relationship with one of them for a few years, there's nothing to stop you doing it again once you've got past this.


  • #3
    Peggypeg
    Closed Accounts Posts: 578 ✭✭✭Peggypeg


    man123456 wrote: »
    Hi.

    I've been with my GF for about two and a half years.

    This relationship is also my first relationship

    A question I ask myself almost daily is "do I want to break up with her". This in itself should answer my question right?

    I have never gone through with breaking up with her for many reasons.

    Even if I'm not in love with her anymore I don't want to hurt her ever.

    Like I'd want to be good friends even if i chose to break up.

    I've been thinking about it for a long time I should mention.

    Hey OP,

    You've completely answered your own question, I've picked out the most important parts of your post above. When I was 19 I met a guy who was 33, I ended up living with him for 5 years, the 4th and 5th I spent mostly thinking "oh, I can't break up with him, he'd be heartbroken". Anyways I broke up with him eventually, you know what I regret the most? The 4th and 5th year I wasted. If you're not in love with her then for god sake don't make the same mistake I did. Yes break ups are messy but so is taking a dump, you still have to do it though if you want be happy and healthy. Just finish it and stop wrecking your own head. Yes it's sad and scary but I PROMISE you it will be ok, I was over my breakup in about oh 5 seconds, I'd say it'll be the same with you because like you I'd left that relationship emotionally years before I did the actual breaking up. You need to put your happiness first, if you stay in a relationship out of pity instead of love you're doing yourself and her a massive injustice. She deserves to be head over heels in love with someone that's head over heels in love with her, you do too, ESPECIALLY at your age. Go and enjoy single life for a while, kick up your heels and then when you least expect it WHAM an angel will walk into your life (well that's what happened to me anyways).

    The very best of luck OP.


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