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unsure of what to do next

  • 11-02-2010 4:22pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    My problem beings with me i think. I was with my ex on and off for the past 10years. We sstopped living together about 2 years ago but have kept up a mostly physical realtionship since then. For some reason neither of us seem to be able to let go.
    My problem now is he has decided that he Loves me (is in Love with me) again. He wants us to try again and i really am not sure. The phyiscal side has always been good and it suits me this way but not him. I tried for years to get him to commit but he always pulled away telling me constantly that he didnt love me and was never going to marry me so i just after years have stopped the feelings i had for him. He did ask me to marry him once but said i wasnt allow to tell anyone until i lost weight which nearly killed me. He has done and said some horrible things over the years which is the main factor on why i cant let myself try.The thing is he wont take no for an answer. Everytime i refuse his advances he talks about suicide or starts bringing up the past blaming me on why he was so nasty to me. My question is how do you make someone listen when they really dont want to hear what you have to say. Sorry for the long post


Comments

  • #2
    Alessandra
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,276 ✭✭✭Alessandra


    mam of one wrote: »
    My problem beings with me i think. I was with my ex on and off for the past 10years. We sstopped living together about 2 years ago but have kept up a mostly physical realtionship since then. For some reason neither of us seem to be able to let go.
    My problem now is he has decided that he Loves me (is in Love with me) again. He wants us to try again and i really am not sure. The phyiscal side has always been good and it suits me this way but not him. I tried for years to get him to commit but he always pulled away telling me constantly that he didnt love me and was never going to marry me so i just after years have stopped the feelings i had for him. He did ask me to marry him once but said i wasnt allow to tell anyone until i lost weight which nearly killed me. He has done and said some horrible things over the years which is the main factor on why i cant let myself try.The thing is he wont take no for an answer. Everytime i refuse his advances he talks about suicide or starts bringing up the past blaming me on why he was so nasty to me. My question is how do you make someone listen when they really dont want to hear what you have to say. Sorry for the long post

    I would drop him like a hot potato. Why are you still allowing yourself to be manipulated by him?

    Stop allowing the physical relationship to continue. Tell him you are moving on and don't think of him that way.
    Don't let yourself be guilted into being with him, You need to think of yourself for a change.


  • #3
    shellyboo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,883 ✭✭✭shellyboo


    He sounds like a horrible, manipulative man. Dump him immediately if not sooner.


  • #4
    lynsalot
    Closed Accounts Posts: 407 ✭✭lynsalot


    Hi OP, I was with someone for a couple of years and had the same kind of crap to the point that i fell out of love with him. For me there's no going back now.

    I know it's hard letting go of the physical side of the relationship but why settle for just that? You deserve to be with someone who'll offer you the affection and love aswell as a great sex life. This man sounds like he's ashamed to be with you and maybe has now realised his mistakes. Your'e worth more than this. no one should allow anyone treat them like this. You need to stop having sex with this guy because it'll only make the situation worse. There's plenty of men out there who'll treat you properly.

    He might have realised he was wrong to lose you but he's still manipulating you threatening to end his life etc. This is no kind of basis for a relationship OP. You are not responsible for this man. You need to cut contact with him and let yourself heal properly.


  • #5
    Angus Og
    Closed Accounts Posts: 401 ✭✭Angus Og


    You need to leave him, it's as simple as that. You're not in a relationship. Any man who cared about his lover's feelings, even without the intention of a long relationship, would never say things like that.

    Let him talk about suicide. It's not your problem. Don't waste your time trying to make him listen. He sounds like a moody teenager, but thankfully you're not his mother, so it's not your problem.


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