Should 'average' looking girls dress up?

LegacyUser

Hey,

Just looking for some opinions to help me get something straight in my head. I would class myself as 'average' looking for a girl. Im not rough, Im pretty-ish, you know what I mean, in that sort of everyday way that Irish women are. Im alright looking and have a nice fugure, size 10.

I am not stunning or special but passable or pleasant enough.

For as long as I can remember I have steered away from wearing very feminine clothes and for some reason I really cringe when I see someone who is average looking dressed to the nines. I started thinking about this recently when shopping. I know because of my hang ups I dont make the most of myself. And do you really have to be perfect to enjoy clothes.

I had thought that only pretty/beautiful/exceptional women for example should wear high heels and if I saw someone plain in the street or at work in high heels and dolly clothes I would sort of pity them and think 'Aw dear, the poor thing' and this attitude I would carry over to myself and therefore end up making safe choices all the time with clothes. Jeans etc.

My boyfriend wants to see me more dressed up in dresses and skirts for example but I thought if you didn't have perfect legs then you are supposed to cover them up. Like if you are not a 10 out of 10 does it not look a bit pathetic trying to compete with perfection....?

Should I change or would I look a fool?

mood

You can make the most of your self without being a dolly bird. I think your opinion is silly. Why should only perfect women wear dresses etc? You should wear what you want and worry less about what people think.

KnocKnocKnock

Too Average? wrote: »

Hey,

Just looking for some opinions to help me get something straight in my head. I would class myself as 'average' looking for a girl. Im not rough, Im pretty-ish, you know what I mean, in that sort of everyday way that Irish women are. Im alright looking and have a nice fugure, size 10.

I am not stunning or special but passable or pleasant enough.

For as long as I can remember I have steered away from wearing very feminine clothes and for some reason I really cringe when I see someone who is average looking dressed to the nines. I started thinking about this recently when shopping. I know because of my hang ups I dont make the most of myself. And do you really have to be perfect to enjoy clothes.

I had thought that only pretty/beautiful/exceptional women for example should wear high heels and if I saw someone plain in the street or at work in high heels and dolly clothes I would sort of pity them and think 'Aw dear, the poor thing' and this attitude I would carry over to myself and therefore end up making safe choices all the time with clothes. Jeans etc.

My boyfriend wants to see me more dressed up in dresses and skirts for example but I thought if you didn't have perfect legs then you are supposed to cover them up. Like if you are not a 10 out of 10 does it not look a bit pathetic trying to compete with perfection....?

Should I change or would I look a fool?

It's the whole question of "what is perfection".

Everyone is really subjective.
What some describe as "dressy casual" others might see as "dressed to the nines", what some see as "casual" others may see as "frumpy" etc. The "average" girls you saw would have been very much admired by someone else. If you dressed up, someone else mightn't think you look good, others (incl. your boyf) will probably think you look great. Even if you are just dressed casually on an everyday basis, some won't have noticed you, some will most probably have thought you looked really nice that day.
Basically, you'll drive yourself mad if you keep thinking about what others think. Next time you go into a shop maybe try on some things that you never would have before. Does the colour compliment you? Is it flattering on your waist, bust, hips etc? If you don't like your legs you can wear tights or long skirts/dresses, and heels will make them look longer. If you think heels are a bit too dressy, wedges can look more casual.

Komplett-Tech: Ryan

One mans "Average" is another mans "Drop dead gorgeous" Its all about personal taste. For example, some people find Carmen Electra very attractive, where i wouldn't ride her into battle.

The Lovely Muffin

mood wrote: »

Why should only perfect women wear dresses etc? You should wear what you want and worry less about what people think.

+1 to this. I am also average looking. I was told I should be a model, even a pro photographer said it to me. But, personally, I don't think I have the looks/feature to be a model. I was at a wedding and all done up, so I looked good, but nowhere near model-looks/beautiful.

I always used to worry what people would think of/say to me if I wore something I wouldn't usually have worn (in my case, skinny jeans, ugg boots and long jumpers), I always thought I'd get laughed at, but it was the opposite, I had people telling me I looked great and it suited me etc.

I still don't wear dresses or skirts (I only wear them on hols abroad) simply because I don't feel comfy in them. My legs are quite skinny and I don't like that, I'd like me legs to have a big more shape.

I also don't wear high heels, because I can't walk in them.

LegacyUser

I wouldn't honestly have a clue if something looked well or if I looked like a thick. I just dont know being honest.

I would tend to dress in jeans and boots a lot. But then I see girls who are just as normal as me in heels, dresses, make up and pretty stuff and it seems to be alright or is it?

Are people just inwardly pitying them and cringing at their efforts?

Say all these high heels that are in fashion, I just think are gorgeous but if I bought a pair then I would be 4 inches taller. Thats a bog standard looking woman suddenly the height of a model....

So take that example, would I not just look ridiculous? But then again its not fair I have to go around only wearing boring stuff...!

The Lovely Muffin

Too Average? wrote: »

I wouldn't honestly have a clue if something looked well or if I looked like a thick. I just dont know being honest.

I would tend to dress in jeans and boots a lot. But then I see girls who are just as normal as me in heels, dresses, make up and pretty stuff and it seems to be alright or is it?

Are people just inwardly pitying them and cringing at their efforts?

Say all these high heels that are in fashion, I just think are gorgeous but if I bought a pair then I would be 4 inches taller. Thats a bog standard looking woman suddenly the height of a model....

So take that example, would I not just look ridiculous? But then again its not fair I have to go around only wearing boring stuff...!

No, you choose to go around wearing 'boring' stuff.

I'm 5"5 and if I wear high heels, I'm usually 5"8/5"9 and I don't look/feel stupid (just feel nervous in case I fall, lol ).

Tbh OP, I personally think your being too hard on yourself.

Alessandra

You have some serious self-esteem issues!
Why shouldn't you wear what the hell you like? Who is to say who is "average" or "plain-looking", nobody is perfect. You are size 10 and lots of women would envy that figure, why not make the most of it?
"Feeling sorry" for so-called plain people when you see them dressed up strikes me as an odd thing to say.. Are they not allowed to accentuate their appearance too? Beautiful people aren't always "beautiful" when they step out of bed in the morning..

If you want to feel good about yourself, start putting in some effort into clothes and make-up. It will do you wonders to feel a little more glam.
Obviously your boyfriend doesn't think you are "average". Try and make the most of what you have and think positively about yourself.

mood

Too Average? wrote: »

I wouldn't honestly have a clue if something looked well or if I looked like a thick. I just dont know being honest.

I would tend to dress in jeans and boots a lot. But then I see girls who are just as normal as me in heels, dresses, make up and pretty stuff and it seems to be alright or is it?

Are people just inwardly pitying them and cringing at their efforts?

Say all these high heels that are in fashion, I just think are gorgeous but if I bought a pair then I would be 4 inches taller. Thats a bog standard looking woman suddenly the height of a model....

So take that example, would I not just look ridiculous? But then again its not fair I have to go around only wearing boring stuff...!

You don't HAVE TO GO AROUND ONLY WEARING BORING STUFF! It is you who is restricting you self, nobody else. Really, you are making a big deal out of nothing. Ask some female friends for advice or help shopping if you feel you need it. But if you are happy with how you dress why change now?

The Lovely Muffin

Alessandra wrote: »

You have some serious self-esteem issues!
Why shouldn't you wear what the hell you like? Who is to say who is "average" or "plain-looking", nobody is perfect. You are size 10 and lots of women would envy that figure, why not make the most of it?
"Feeling sorry" for so-called plain people when you see them dressed up strikes me as an odd thing to say.. Are they not allowed to accentuate their appearance too? Beautiful people aren't always "beautiful" when they step out of bed in the morning..

If you want to feel good about yourself, start putting in some effort into clothes and make-up. It will do you wonders to feel a little more glam.
Obviously your boyfriend doesn't think you are "average". Try and make the most of what you have and think positively about yourself.

Agreed.

I'm getting the impression from the OP that she doesn't want others to dress up, just because she doesn't.

mood wrote: »

You don't HAVE TO GO AROUND ONLY WEARING BORING STUFF! It is you who is restricting you self, nobody else. Really, you are making a big deal out of nothing. As some female friends for advice or help shopping if you feel you need it. But if you are happy with how you dress why change now?

Very true.

sexdwarf

Too Average? wrote: »

Hey,

Just looking for some opinions to help me get something straight in my head. I would class myself as 'average' looking for a girl. Im not rough, Im pretty-ish, you know what I mean, in that sort of everyday way that Irish women are. Im alright looking and have a nice fugure, size 10.

I am not stunning or special but passable or pleasant enough.

For as long as I can remember I have steered away from wearing very feminine clothes and for some reason I really cringe when I see someone who is average looking dressed to the nines. I started thinking about this recently when shopping. I know because of my hang ups I dont make the most of myself. And do you really have to be perfect to enjoy clothes.

I had thought that only pretty/beautiful/exceptional women for example should wear high heels and if I saw someone plain in the street or at work in high heels and dolly clothes I would sort of pity them and think 'Aw dear, the poor thing' and this attitude I would carry over to myself and therefore end up making safe choices all the time with clothes. Jeans etc.

My boyfriend wants to see me more dressed up in dresses and skirts for example but I thought if you didn't have perfect legs then you are supposed to cover them up. Like if you are not a 10 out of 10 does it not look a bit pathetic trying to compete with perfection....?

Should I change or would I look a fool?

I can't think of one perfect person, there's no such thing. It's an almost snobbish attitude you have towards girls trying to make the most of their appearance and yet you sound like you've low self-esteem in yourself.

Wear whatever you are comfortable in OP, don't be worrying about what other people do. If you don't like heels, skirts etc., don't wear them. I don't see how trying to dress nicely is in anyway 'pathetic' for anyone.

None of us can help the face we were born with, we might as well play up our good features.

LegacyUser

I know its not a life or death problem, dont get me wrong. But the thing is, I had half a suspicion that maybe the way I was thinking was wrong but seeing the answers here has suprised me a lot and I am getting used to it.

The reason its a big deal to me is I would like to improve my look and make myself more interesting but I dont want to go out and waste money on foolish mistakes or end up being ridiculed. I just want to know the unspoken rules everyone else goes by.

As for feeling sorry for others, its not them I'm really thinking about of course its me. I look at them and think she is similar to me and yet she is wearing a dress or skirt, feminine shoes and touches......so I had thought men imparticular would be inwardly thinking 'oh you can't polish a turd love, put it away' .....stuff like that.....I just don't want to stand out as a 6 dressing as if I was a 10.

I want to be appropriate for my level, thats all.

Barracudaincork

Too Average? wrote: »

Hey,

I would class myself as 'average' looking for a girl. Im not rough, Im pretty-ish, you know what I mean, in that sort of everyday way that Irish women are..

I dont know what you mean, i happen to think Irish women arent everyday way average, i happen to think many many of them are stunning (esp here in Cork). I think you need to look at how you are on the inside before you look at the outside. You appear to have very low self esteem and you seem to want others around you to feel the same, hence why you looked down on "average" looking women dressing up.

Sex appeal and attractiveness are all about people attitude not just looks, which is why someone like Cat Deely is so hot, she has a wonky nose but thats not what you think of when you think of her, she is attractive cause its coming from the inside out!

You too can be just as attractive, if you gave yourself a chance. Starting with stop thinking your average and take it from there.

shellyboo

I don't know why you're talking about comparison and scales and competing with perfection when it's not a competition. That's the most sexist, backwards attitude I've heard in a long time. If that were the case, there'd be only one good-looking person in the world because we all look slightly worse by comparison. It's idiotic.

You have some serious self-esteem issues. Forget about what other women are wearing and "pitying" them (harsh, btw) and start making the best of yourself. Do it for you, not for anyone else.

lynsalot

Hi Op,

The problem as I see it is you would love to look your best but you're not comfortable being "done up" and because you notice clothes on other people you imagine people would comment/judge what you're wearing if you don't blend in.

I kinda suffer from this myself. I wear flats because I'm a big girl and think i'll look foolish in heels, I don't wear skirts/dresses because I think I look huge in them. I've started wearing dresses with leggings and sometimes tights in the last year or so and always get comments about how well I look. The thing is... the average looking person covers most of the population. We are not born to be models. There was a poster in my school years ago about how there are only 7 supermodels in the world (i couldn't tell you how many there are now btw it doesn't interest me!) but most people look "average" and have the same hang ups as you.

So should u change who u are completely? No because u wouldn't be comfortable but if you want to look different then start by changing a few things. Like wearing one item you wouldn't normally wear. You sound like you have low self esteem too which I cannot fathom because you're a size 10 (which is the same attitude u have... see... everyone does it!! ) so maybe work on feeling good about yourself. Treat yourself a bit to baths, maybe a bit of fitness work you'll feel better in yourself. I'm a big girl, i'm on diet and swim regularly and have lost some weight and it's done wonders for my self esteem.

And not to belittle what you've said but honestly watch some Gok wan... he's amazing and describes how to make the best of your best features... he really does make a lot of sense.

extra-ordinary_

As already said, you appear to have some self-esteem issues.

Dress how you want to dress and if you want to put on pretty clothes then do it - maybe bring a friend along for a 2nd opinion.

Most people do not judge others for dressing up. Making an effort to look well is an indicator that this person cares about themselves.

Looking after your appearance is fundamental to feeling good about yourself.

username123

Too Average? wrote: »

I want to be appropriate for my level, thats all.

What does this mean? By whose standards do you judge 'your level'? Some people are gonne think youre gorgeous, some are gonna think youre not - end of. Its not all about looks anyway, you might be a knockout but if youre a horrible person you wont attract anyone. Its very shallow to assume that what you look like is of such interest to others, and how you are judging other girls seems very harsh. Why do you think other 'plain' girls wear high heels? So others can look at them? So people like you can think patronising 'poor dear' thoughts? I doubt it. I wear them because I like being a bit taller, they match better with some outfits, because I like shoes!! I couldnt care less what someone else thinks of what I wear - why would I? Im the one wearing it!
And I certainly wouldnt dress down because I thought I wasnt physically perfect - Im far far from physical perfection, but I like clothes, so I wear what I want.

Stop worrying so much about what other people think, stop judging others on shallow premises and try to work on your self esteem, you'll be a happier person then.

Catari Jaguar

I'm a big fan of shows like What Not to Wear US.. yea, it's shallow drivel but I love that they take someone that feels insecure or is hard on themselves, that doesn't feel worthy of putting time into looking their best and transform them.

But there is no psychology here, there is no plastic surgery. They dress them in flattering clothes that make the most of their features, style their hair in th best way possible and teach them how to put make up on bring out their features and bam! a whole new person. The women always look stunning afterwards yet are barely changed.

Clothes makes a person imo. The confidence they radiate, the pride in their appearance, the way a shape is accentuated. Why shouldn't everyone feel like that?

CamillaRhodes

As lynsalot said above, OP you would be a prime target for Gok Wan! Sorry to bring this to the level of a tv programme, and not that I'm suggesting you should get naked in public (!) but I really believe the philosophy of his show is excellent - it's not about 'fashion' (or what's 'in'), it's not about what size you ar, it's about what you feel you look good in, and when you feel good, your confidence shines out through your eyes, you walk with more confidence, hold your shoulders back etc, and then you really do look so much better!

I'm sure you've seen the show, but just to highlight: start of the show, woman with low self esteem slopes into the studio, usually in jeans, baggy jumpers, no makeup, flat shoes, sad looking face. She cries when she looks at herself in the mirror. End of the show, with a bit of guidance on what sort of clothes look good on her shape (and this is just one of those things you learn from enjoying your clothes, enjoying your body shape, experimenting etc - nobody gets it right all the time!), after a shopping spree where she is encouraged to think positively about clothes, and after getting her hair and make-up done, suddenly there's a glamour puss in front of the mirror, who is smiling and confident and gorgeous.

This can be you, OP!!! There's no reason on this earth you have to maintain these low-esteem images of yourself, no matter what - try to think of clothes as fun (did you ever play dress up as a kid?!) and something to play with. It may sound shallow, but taking time to make yourself look nice can, in itself, really boost your confidence - I know if I've taken the time to do my hair and make-up, pick out a dress, squeeze into heels (even though no, they're not as comfortable as flats, but damn they make me feel glamourous) then when I go out I feel a million bucks. I can feel I walk differently, I hold my head higher. (Versus now when I slunk up to tescos in my tracksuit bottoms).

Yes, there are some women in this world who are models, knock-out breathtaking beauty. But most of us don't look like that (and I'm not even sure we'd want to?). However, anyone can dress themselves up and be a '10' (if you wanna put it that way) on a Saturday night. It's not just about the clothes, it's about the confidence which you display. With a bit more confidence, you'll smile wider, laugh louder, your eyes will sparkle - these are the things which are really attractive, not the clothes.

I think you can work on your self-esteem while exploring different clothing styles, ala Gok Wan. You don't have to follow trends (in fact better if you don't) but find a style or a shop which you like and go in and play. Do your hair nice, put on some make-up and try things on. Try to have a bit of fun with it and not analyse so much. You need to give yourself a break.

(BTW, I thought about not saying this cos it kinda undermines what I said above, but feck it - going by what you've said about other people's opinions of you, incl. your boyfriend, it sounds like you're actually a very good looking girl but you just have low self esteem which translates into bad fashion choices, hiding your beauty away, hence you don't get as many compliments as you would if you allowed yourself to shine).

Good luck, OP
x

irishh_bob

shellyboo wrote: »

I don't know why you're talking about comparison and scales and competing with perfection when it's not a competition. That's the most sexist, backwards attitude I've heard in a long time. If that were the case, there'd be only one good-looking person in the world because we all look slightly worse by comparison. It's idiotic.

You have some serious self-esteem issues. Forget about what other women are wearing and "pitying" them (harsh, btw) and start making the best of yourself. Do it for you, not for anyone else.

always annoys me when people accuse others of having self esteem issues , what annoys me about it is they believe they are saying it from a possition of concern or kindness , its an incredibley arrogant statement , up there with , you need help

shellyboo

irishh_bob wrote: »

always annoys me when people accuse others of having self esteem issues , what annoys me about it is they believe they are saying it from a possition of concern or kindness , its an incredibley arrogant statement , up there with , you need help

I'm not saying it from concern or kindness, it's an observation of fact. The report post button is there if you want to use it.

You're basically taking your own self esteem issues and projecting them onto other women. I would suggest working on that because it's usually pretty obvious when people think like that and it makes them look extremely nasty and bitchy. Who are you to say people are too plain to dress up? Plain to one person could be drop dead gorgeous to the next. Stop judging people and start wearing what you want to wear. Sure, some clothes will suit you and some won't - for example if you have big thighs you might not want to wear miniskirts - but this idea of a 'level' is silly. Dress for your shape - accentuate your good areas and draw attention away from anything you don't like. Of course people won't think you're trying to be something you're not if you wear something a bit different, unless it's some mad attention getting sequinned cardi or something. Most people won't even notice if you start wearing funkier boots or mid length skirts instead of jeans.

It can be difficult to change suddenly, so just do it bit by bit. I remember when I first started wearing skirts about 7 year ago, I was really self conscious because I wasn't used to them, was paranoid they'd get caught in my knickers or blow up in the wind and all kinds of things. I started wearing them once a month, then once a week and now I barely ever wear trousers anymore. If you buy nice pieces and wear them with confidence, it's hard to look bad. Something like a denim mini is really versatile - looks much dressier than old raggedy jeans but you can wear it with the same type of tops or cardigans and just add some opaque tights and cute boots. Accessories make a big difference too - some nice dangly earrings, a floaty scarf, ring with a big stone or cute leather bag all look feminine and pretty without making you look like a dolly bird. Once you keep it classy, you can't really go wrong.

LegacyUser

thanks for all the feedback, I am digesting it all.

I think my self esteem is ok, I accept myself as I am but I just want to understand what to buy as I go blank in shops when I see all the pretty clothes, I think they are not for me. But I am sick of jeans which I live in.

I feel my face wouldn't match my body and I dont want to be a butterface.

cork2

why would you want perfection? i personally likes a girls little quirkes. it defines them

irishh_bob

shellyboo wrote: »

I'm not saying it from concern or kindness, it's an observation of fact. The report post button is there if you want to use it.

never reported anyon on boards in my life , not going to start now , im just sure if the OP wanted a psychological evaluation , they would at least like the priveledge of staring at some qualifications on the wall while resting on a large couch , i doubt annonymous freud wanabes are what the doctor ( no pun intended ) ordered

bluebee

I think your attitude is very skewed to be honest. I mean when I`m walking on the street and I see someone dressed prettily I think " where did she get that dress" or " I should do my hair like her`s"! When I see someone who looks different I think they look cool and edgy, or pretty, because they don`t look like they walked out of a magazine!

Anyway, I think that your problem is that you`re afraid to have your own personal style. Maybe you lack confidence in your ability to carry off an outfit that isn`t bland. Do you put personal touches to the outfit you`re wearing? Like a nice flower brooch onto a cardigan? Or a statement headband in your hair?

Buy the magazine Look, I think it great for helping you sort out the clothes that are in the shops at the moment. Asos.com is a great website to browse through and they have "looks" that you can view for inspiration.

Push the boat out a little, it`s really not that hard! And every time you think one of your horrible, nasty little thoughts about one of us "average" girls, stop yourself and think something nice instead!:)

Too Average?

Too Average? wrote: »

thanks for all the feedback, I am digesting it all.

I think my self esteem is ok, I accept myself as I am but I just want to understand what to buy as I go blank in shops when I see all the pretty clothes, I think they are not for me. But I am sick of jeans which I live in.

I feel my face wouldn't match my body and I dont want to be a butterface.

There's a difference between pretty clothes and dolly clothes. The 'butterface' comments usually refer to girls who are overdressed, the type who wear short skirts with no tights, high heels and orange foundation to go to the supermarket, whose clothes are way too tight and look like they're trying too hard to get attention. If you don't want to draw attention to yourself, which you don't, just dress appropriately for the occasion. I don't see how anyone would look bad in feminine, stylish, classic clothes that are well put together with cute accessories. I think a lot of Irish girls have really nice style, I like the whole slightly bohemian look - it's pretty and soft but looks fairly effortless and is easy to put together and comfortable. Even plain, wide trousers and Converse can look lovely if put together with a well fitting top, tailored jacket and a nice bag. Or a mid length patterned lightweight skirt (the kind you get in Temple Bar in Dublin or Camden Market in London) with a plain longsleeved top and flat boots. Really pretty but not in a 'look at me!' kind of way. Or if you still want to wear jeans, you could wear a lacy top (they're everywhere at the moment) and some pretty ballerina flats or heels instead of runners.

Nevyn

irishh_bob Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

Dudess

I would imagine most women are "average" looking, OP. Most of the time, a gorgeous woman is gorgeous thanks to well applied make-up and the right clothes. I don't see why you should feel exempt.

piby

Komplett-Tech (Ryan) wrote: »

One mans "Average" is another mans "Drop dead gorgeous" Its all about personal taste. For example, some people find Carmen Electra very attractive, where i wouldn't ride her into battle.

I'm trying to see your point of view but I'm just not getting it

Anyway to the OP I say you should dress whatever way you want to simple as! Like others have said you can be well-dressed without being OTT and a woman who is confident with her sense of style is very attractive.

shellyboo

Dudess wrote: »

I would imagine most women are "average" looking, OP. .

That is in fact the very definition of average You don't have to look a certain way to dress in clothes that make the most of your body, OP. Dress to look the best that you can, depending on what you like and what you feel comfortable in - if you compare yourself to others, you'll always fall short because there will *always* be someone better looking, better dressed, smarter, thinner, taller, whatever. Not one of us is perfect, but we all make the best of what we've got.

I'm far from conventionally attractive, but I look after my hair, skin, clothes and I think I scrub up pretty well actually - but as a plus-size woman I think if I had your same attitude I'd have to stay indoors in a large baggy potato sack Life's too short for that OP. In 40 years you'll look back and wonder why the hell you wasted your youth hidng yourself away.

LegacyUser

I am really taken aback by all your answers!

Over the last few years I go into shops and have to force myself to buy things. Usually end up being just plain, comfy, functional stuff. And when I look at others I know I am missing out. I for some reason (still trying to figure that one out) had it in my head I was not in that sort of category!

ANYWAY! All the replies are so interesting. What I needed was a few ideas and good thoughts like these to get me motivated when I go to shops.

Its been getting a joke over the last couple of years. I'd go into shops, see everything, not have a clue if I was worthy for the stuff. Find an excuse, get out and go home or end up buying more of the same old usual things.

Nevyn

You need someone to help you break out of that comfort zone.
Dressing for an occassion is a good way to make you look at something completely different. There are a number of burlesque events which run monthly and they are a great excuse to put together an outfit which is more feminine and extravagant (well at least when compared to comfy combats, long sleved tshirt and boot) and to wear out for the evening.

metrovelvet

Most people are too busy to notice or pay too much heed to what you are wearing.

Maybe for lent give up judgementalism and fears of adornnent.

ash23

OP I was like you when I was a bit younger. I wore jeans and fleeces, or combats and t shirts.
I thought I was fat and not pretty and therefore I wanted to blend in and not attract any sort of attention as I felt I didn't deserve it. Or I thought if I were getting attention it would be the wrong kind (that people would be laughing).

Once my self confidence improved, my dress sense totally changed and I loved fitted stuff and skirts etc.

While in a LTR, my confidence nose dived again and I put on some weight and reverted to trakkies and fleeces and big, shapeless, blending in stuff. Got dumped, lost 5 stone and my confidence came back in force.

I currently have a wardrobe stuffed to capacity with dresses, skirts, floral and girly tops, sexy jeans, high heels, knee high boots etc. This is my "style" now and I love wearing stuff that makes me feel good about how I look. I style my hair and I wear make up. I'm happy enough with how I look and I get plenty of compliments from people who knew the "old" me.

Seriously, it's all about your confidence. You're a perfect candidate for "How to look good naked" lol.

Chocoholic84

Woah OP, I think you're analysing things way too much here! I would like yourself...ok looking but nowhere near model-looking.

I absolutely love dressing up going out...dresses, skirts, whatever flaunts my figure - I'd be a size 8-10 so I make the most of it!

This is kind of a strange thread...I mean, wear what you feel comfy in, if you don't feel comfy wearing heels/dresses, then don't - it's as simple as that.

LegacyUser

If average is a 5 then I consider myself a 6.5. Far from a stunner, but I make the best of myself, wear great cloths and stay trim.

But a friend of mine once, unwisely (and unkindly) told me that her new boyfriend thought I 'dressed and acted hotter than I was'! I was hurt... until I remembered that not one of my boyfriends would touch her with a yardpole.

And thats the thing about attraction. I was at a casting for a actress once (I'm not an actress BTW) where there were five men deciding. They saw a long line of beauties. After one of the girls had been in, one man said 'wow, she's the most beautiful girl I've seen in years! The others all said 'no way!' and each picked out a different girl that he thought was more beautiful - all except the fifth man who said all the actresses where too skinny for him!

I also think you've looked at this the wrong way. Stunners can be noticed while wearing a sack, but average girls can be invisible unless they make an effort. You don't want - or need - to be invisible when you can have alot more fun turning heads.

Get to a shop and try on everything! Have fun with it! Cloths are about having fun.
There are no rules that say only lookers have a right to be noticed.

Hoochiemama

OP, my rule is dress for yourself and not for other people, esp NOT for men!!

I buy items of clothes that I like and I feel confident in. If everyone else in the world thought I looked like a pleb I couldnt give a toss cos I dress for myself. It doesnt matter what you look like hun. Noone is too "average" to dress up.

Be confident in yourself, love yourself. If you cant love yourself then even if other people love you, it will never be enough.

Dont ever think you are not good enough for anything.

Emme

What is average? Nature magazine did a study on what people find beautiful and the conclusion was that beauty is a mix of everything - ie, average.

I'm ordinary looking myself like most people but I put in a bit of effort. We all have to. It's called getting off your backside and making the most of yourself instead of feeling sorry for yourself and envying everybody else. If I see somebody who looks very well I can say to myself "oh, that b****, she looks great" or "what is it she does that makes her look so well?"

The ordinary looking girls that you pity are at least making an effort, they're not sitting on the fence doing nothing with themselves criticising everyone else. The reason we have hairstylists, makeup etc. is to help us make the most of ourselves.

Some of the best known models are very insignificant in real life - not in a bad way but when they haven't got the hair and make up done, aren't wearing the fancy clothes and aren't lit and photographed professionally they don't look much better than the rest of us. They might be taller and skinnier but that's basically it.

You don't have to dress up like you're going to the red carpet, but try small things like wearing a skirt and top/casual dress instead of jeans and hoody, nice shoes or feminine boots instead of trainers. It doesn't mean wearing spiky shoes you can't walk in (totally unattractive IMHO) or freezing your ass off in little mini skirts, fake tan and no tights.

Find a good hairdressers, get a new hairstyle and get your make up done - the Benefit counters are very good. Be brave - you too can look good!

And lastly, remember, God made more ordinary looking people because He likes them better!:D

jenny jinks

O/P I work in an office where I am not allowed wer skirts. I probably wouldn't wear them anyway but it is so annoying not to have the choice. The best way to change is to do it gradually. Start by wearing a denim skirt instead of jeans once in a while. When you are used to it gradually introduce different shoes, tights, skirts etc. It is far easier to do it one step at a time so that nobody notices. If you make a sudden change, you will feel very self conscious and everybody will look and comment.

Ickle Magoo

Too Average? wrote: »

For as long as I can remember I have steered away from wearing very feminine clothes and for some reason I really cringe when I see someone who is average looking dressed to the nines.

Yep, really they should put the bag over their head, get the sackcloth on and accept their lot! :pac:

Seriously OP, I'm not sure why fashion, make up and dressing well should be the sole domain of the fraction of the female population that you view as good looking. Fashion to me is about feeling good about yourself, not so as to be aesthetically pleasing for others. I like wearing a bit of make up, a nice outfit, buying shoes, etc...it makes ME happy. :cool:

Relax, have fun! Best of luck!

LegacyUser

OP you are going about this all the wrong way. Obviously your attitude is negative, but I understand where you're coming from to a certain extent. When I'm out and about and see a girl whose style I like, I don't look at their faces/size and judge their attractiveness - I look at their clothes and think 'That's really nice, maybe I should try that'.

I realised about a year ago that the way I dressed was pretty horrible and unfeminine (baggy jeans, t-shirts) and so I made an effort to change it. I did feel very self-conscious at first, but you get used to it and now I really enjoy wearing dresses and skirts, etc, when I go out. A hugely important thing for me was finding good footwear that was versatile and would go with different things - jeans included - so I invested in a nice pair of boots. You can buy a huge number of ballet style flats in Penneys for about €4, too. Try wearing them with a pair of tights and a plain dress that you can dress up with belts/scarves, and a long cardigan. You don't have to go all-out and start wearing frilly floral numbers or skanky miniskirts. There are also a few good blogs out there that give me ideas of things I could try out, www.selectivepotential.com is a good one as she has a style I'd be into.

I'm certainly no fashionista and I don't think of myself as pretty, and I still wear jeans and tshirts around the house when I don't have to go anywhere (doesn't everyone?) But I do feel more confident about myself when I'm wearing a dress and showing a bit of leg! You'll be surprised about how good it'll make you feel. We're women, let's make the most of our asset. And you should really try to block that negative thought pattern out, stop 'rating' other women when you see them as you have no right to do so... good luck.

Tail Wagger

Too Average? wrote: »

Hey,

Just looking for some opinions to help me get something straight in my head. I would class myself as 'average' looking for a girl. Im not rough, Im pretty-ish, you know what I mean, in that sort of everyday way that Irish women are. Im alright looking and have a nice fugure, size 10.

I am not stunning or special but passable or pleasant enough.

For as long as I can remember I have steered away from wearing very feminine clothes and for some reason I really cringe when I see someone who is average looking dressed to the nines. I started thinking about this recently when shopping. I know because of my hang ups I dont make the most of myself. And do you really have to be perfect to enjoy clothes.

I had thought that only pretty/beautiful/exceptional women for example should wear high heels and if I saw someone plain in the street or at work in high heels and dolly clothes I would sort of pity them and think 'Aw dear, the poor thing' and this attitude I would carry over to myself and therefore end up making safe choices all the time with clothes. Jeans etc.

My boyfriend wants to see me more dressed up in dresses and skirts for example but I thought if you didn't have perfect legs then you are supposed to cover them up. Like if you are not a 10 out of 10 does it not look a bit pathetic trying to compete with perfection....?

Should I change or would I look a fool?

Haven't bothered reading the previous post's, so forgive me if I'm repeating some previous advice. From a mans point of view, all women don't appeal to all men7 vice-versa.

Your boyfriend has seen something in you thats attractive and nice, obviously at this stage of your relationship he'd like to see you in something different, that's good as he assumes you will look even nicer with the change. Put it this was if your partner was to turn up dressed the same way all the time you would probably think, he doesn't have many clothes.

so thak that little step and go for it, to me it seems you lack in self confidence and this will help you to build your confidence in yourself. Remember if you keep going on in this way you will just become comfortable looking like the way you look, be brave and break out. If not for him do it for yourself,,,, and good luck.

stateofflux

your post is funny as a lot of irish women don't have a clue how to dress right anyway. (im a guy).....its about finding what makes you look the best....experimenting with something you would'nt usually wear can be very liberating....we all haved to make the most of what we have.....

Do not dress in what you think your boyfriend will like.....if you find some clothes that make you feel great...he will automatically vibe off your confidence......

claiva

Go for it !!!!
I really notice these things and I can safely say that there are far too many girls not making the most of what they have got and far too many girls wearing completely innapropriate clothes for their body shape.

I'm a guy and believe me most guys really appreciate girls who make the most of their assets. I don't meant tight tops etc. I mean wearing pretty clothes etc.

For some unknown reason girls in this country think wearing ridiculously short skirts and suffocatingly tight tops with orange borange body paint is attractive !!!!

Newsflash: It aint !!!!

mood

Eagle Eyes wrote: »

Go for it !!!!
I really notice these things and I can safely say that there are far too many girls not making the most of what they have got and far too many girls wearing completely innapropriate clothes for their body shape.

I'm a guy and believe me most guys really appreciate girls who make the most of their assets. I don't meant tight tops etc. I mean wearing pretty clothes etc.

For some unknown reason girls in this country think wearing ridiculously short skirts and suffocatingly tight tops with orange borange body paint is attractive !!!!

Newsflash: It aint !!!!

+1

LegacyUser

I will be honest with you, I find "an average" looking girl wearing a gaa jersey and a pair of tracksuit bottoms and runners just as good looking as any two bit tramp in a dress...is there something wrong with me or is it something right?

You can tell a lot from what someone is wearing and as long as you are, for use of a better word, comfortable and it suits you as a person - not as what you wish you were based on stereotypes...

Please stay away from fake tan and ugg boots - much prefer to see wellies and muck on a girl

gavney1

OP,

Personally I find women who like to dress up very attractive. I find the fact that they made the effort attractive in itself. It doesn't scream of desperation - it just says "I want to look as good as I possibly can"

Women who don't dress up sometimes come across as arrogant (not saying they are, but that's the impression it sometimes gives). It's like they're saying "Guys should find me attractive even though I don't dress up, because I'm naturally good-looking"

Don't get me wrong, lots of guys are like that too, probably more so than women.

I used to be quite lazy about my appearance (esp the way I dressed) and an ex-gf used to have a big problem with it. And in hindsight, it was quite self-centred of me, cause she used to always make herself look as good as possible for my benefit.

I put alot more effort into my clothes nowadays though, and feel much better for it

Of course, when I say putting effort into your clothes, that doesn't necessarily mean having to wear short skirts in winter, but whatever you think brings out your femininity the most.

Ever2010

too average wrote: »

not have a clue if I was worthy for the stuff.

OP they're just pieces of material that you pay for, of course you're worthy.

Just wear what you feel like, and what's suited to your figure. I love hippy clothes, layers of fabric and print (cause I make some of my own stuff), but I also like 1950's type dresses etc for work. I tend not to wear much make up (a bit of foundation) maybe eyeliner when I go out. That's it - I'm average I guess, pretty not ugly.

IMO ANYONE good looking or not wearing a tarty dress, with loads of make-up and fake tan would look awful - but that's to me, if they like it that's all that matters.

Peggypeg

Too Average? wrote: »

I wouldn't honestly have a clue if something looked well or if I looked like a thick. I just dont know being honest.

I would tend to dress in jeans and boots a lot. But then I see girls who are just as normal as me in heels, dresses, make up and pretty stuff and it seems to be alright or is it?

Are people just inwardly pitying them and cringing at their efforts?

Say all these high heels that are in fashion, I just think are gorgeous but if I bought a pair then I would be 4 inches taller. Thats a bog standard looking woman suddenly the height of a model....

So take that example, would I not just look ridiculous? But then again its not fair I have to go around only wearing boring stuff...!

Hey OP,

You seem to be looking for rules that don't exist. No one has a right to dictate or take exception to other people's clothing. Everyone is entitled to wear what they want (well in Ireland anyways), be that a plastic bag, a Dior Jumper or a Barney suit. Everyone makes up their own minds and there is no right or wrong to clothing because it is subjective. Like someone else said someone that seems average to you is a stunner to someone else. You need to stop worrying about "right" and "wrong" and wear what you feel comfortable in, but I think if you push it a wee bit and go outside your comfort zone you'll be pleasantly surprised at the positive reaction you get. Also if you decide that you don't want to change your look, you could arrange a date night having dinner at home for you and your bf and you could wear some girly for him then so you wouldn't be mad uncomfortable in front of other people.

Best of luck,