What should I do?

LegacyUser

I know this seems trivial on the surface but here goes...

My friend is having their 21st party soon. They have helped me through a lot and I would consider them one of my best friends. They do not live in Dublin but have a big house in another county, so the 21st will involve going down to the house early in the evening, drinking, going out to a local bar, drinking, coming back to the house and drinking more and finally going to sleep in the early morning, at about 4am at the earliest. Anyone who goes to bed earlier is considered rude and unsocial and this is made known to the person (immature yes, but that's the way it is).

My problem is, that I don't really click with any of their friends. It's not that there is a bad atmosphere exactly, it's just they have all grown up together, and they all have very similar interests which I don't have. Apart from our friend, I can't find any common ground and conversation soon dries up and it becomes awkward. A bigger problem is that there will be someone there who I used to be very good friends with. However he started getting overly flirtatious and touchy feely no matter how much I told him to stop. Whenever I told him I didn't see him that way, or that it made me uncomfortable, he told me he was just having a laugh and I was over reacting. It really made my blood boil that he was undermining me like this and being so disrespectful. Other friends even told him to stop as it would end the friendship and that's what happened - there was no big fight, I just stopped talking to him and shut down any of his attempts to talk to me.

So my problem is, would it be really selfish of me not to go to the party? I don't think I could stand hours and hours of awkward conversation, feeling isolated and trying to avoid a guy who makes me uncomfortable and who I am not speaking to. However on the other hand, these things might be trivial and I should just suck it up for my friend? Even as I write it, it sounds silly and childish. It hurts when friends cancel on "big" birthdays like this and I don't want to hurt or insult my friend for something that's all in my head.
Opinons please?

John_Mc

We've all had to go through awkward and undesirable situations like this, but I think you just need to take it on the chin. I wouldn't go with the attitude that it's not going to be a good night, because it will only end up being a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Good luck with!

seamus

Yes, going to a party on your own is daunting, especially if you only know the host, because the host usually has a whole lot of other things to do. Alcohol eventually greases the wheels, but if you're anxious you could end up drinking too much initially or having a bad start to the night can make it a downer overall.

Have you any other friends up here in Dublin that you could bring along? Ask the girl if it's OK to bring someone else along because you don't fancy travelling down on your own, and admit to your guest that you're asking them along because you don't want to go on your own. Then you have a buddy for the trip down and someone who can distract/block this guy if he starts acting the prick.

As John says, if you go down expecting the worst then you'll have a bad night. But if you just go down with no expectations, good or bad, it's usually the best night you'll have.