opertion frustration!!

LegacyUser

9 years ogo i was involved in a relationship, this realtionship ended basically due to me neglecting it and putting other things first. so we broke up, but remained in touch throughhout the years. i had moved away and we kept in touch still over the phone. just a phone call here and there but in the last year we became much closer again and its come to the point were we are in contact everyday, somedays hours of phonecalls. also within the past year i moved back to the town were she is living.

now i love this girl, i never stopped loving her..other relationsips i have been in failed for that very reason and i could emotionally involve myself because of my love for this girl....

within the past year we have got what i would say is extremely close, we share each others problems discuss ongoings in each others lives but al this took place over the phone. through this i noticed my feelings for this girl getting stronger,before the last year it was just something i felt i had to deal with and forget any ideas of us ever getting back together. but that changed in the last year, its now something i feel could really work, she has told me many times that she loves me...then other times its i love u but not like u love me,then its she dont know what she feels...but all this takes place over the phone

lately we have discussed alot about how we should move on with our lives, to me it dont seem healthy to have such a close relationship via text message! but anyways, i have told her i would love to give it another go, replies have been such as i dunno if now is a good time but maybe i feel diff in the future, which i have to respect is her choice..then most recently she told me that in an ideal situation she would like to feel like i do and live happily ever after, but she is not in that"place" where she wants to try it cuz she does not think she loves me like she did wen we were in a relationship...which frustrates me if i honest.as i dont see how if we have only a phone relationship we could ever make anything happen and its totally diff and i believe if its so good on phone it be so much better in person....am i taking a selfish opinion here???

so on a few occasions we have decided to completly stop contact, but its has not worked...but again today we discussed it and it became somewhat of an arguement and we are back now to not been in contact...

but both of us agree we dont want to not be in touch, but its like we are running out of ideas....as much as it hurts i CAN settle to be this girls friend, because there is nothing i would not do for her...but this idea of a friend over the phone concerns me(always has, dont think such a close relationship on a phone is all that healthy)...now she also suggests we stay in touch but not as often....i keep getting the feeling where i am feeling like i am been treated as a "just in case" ya kno, its like she dont want relationship, but if she changes her mind i am there...she dont want to do things in person as a friend but wants to kno i am at the end of the phone...

so where do i go and what do i do??

am i selfish here???and been unreasonable??

do i walk away??

Alessandra

She is using you. You are more invested in this than she is.. She is enjoying the communication, the friendship and your attention and waiting until something better comes along. Tell her in no uncertain terms how you feel and if you don't get a favourabe reply I think you should cut communication and move on. Life is too short.

LegacyUser

Alessandra is right. You are being drawn to her, based on rose-tinted glasses. I say this because you clearly shouldn't be in contact with each other, yet you are, based on previous experience.

She is clearly investing less in it than you are. I agree with Alessandra - tell her exactly how you feel, and what you want, and see if she feels the same. If she doesn't, be civil, and cut contact silently. Delete numbers/email if you have to. But don't hold on to fantasies/ fairy-tale endings 'just in case'.

Move on, you seem like a really caring guy. You owe it to yourself to rid yourself of these feelings, to live your life, and to love yourself.

'You can only begin to love someone else, if you love yourself'