Can someone give me some help with life and school?

DieselBoy21

OK, here it goes. I graduated high school pretty easily. I was on top of my class in basically everything. I put the time and effort into studying, and felt pride in knowing I was one of the better students. As an athlete I was quite active and competitive in sports (hockey, baseball, basketball, etc), had a lot of friends, and did not make any enemies. I was always shy, but still talked amongst pals, teachers, or to those I knew. I could for some reason make the class laugh with awkward well-timed jokes. Never really had a girlfriend, just flings that went on for a bit, then eventually faded because I was too chicken **** to ask them out. Still I was considered really shy to most.

But then came university and something happened. I was going to a place where none of my friends were going. (They all went to a smaller uni) I didn't think anything of it and assumed I'd meet new friends easily. Life would move on. I lived in a co-op (guys/girls) dorm, in a claustrophobic room, by myself. I don't fear small spaces, but I'm just saying it was really small. I never ended up really becoming friends with anyone on my floor and always said I was busy when they were doing things. They seen I had other friends and probably thought that I thought I was too good for them or something. Thing is, I don't think I am, but I am just horrible at conversing with new people. I could never grow any balls and go up and talk to them. I did have old friends who would come and visit a lot, almost every week to be honest, so the partying was at full throttle. It’s just that’s all they were there for, to party.

Oh yea, when I get drunk, I go all out. It’s the only way for me to get any confidence and make convo with a girl at a bar. The thing is, I do get some pretty decent success out of this. I consider myself well dressed, pretty decent looking, and when the alcohol kicks in, not so shy anymore. An average night will unfold like this: get wasted, meet a girl, make out with her that night, and get her phone number. The last part is useless because I wake up and am too embarrassed to phone/text her back.

Anyways back to school. I was going into Pharmacy. Not because I wanted to, but because I didn't know what I wanted to do. I chose it after my parents thought it was a good idea and because I had relatives who were in it. I was taking all of the required courses, and was interested in them, but I never made any friends in my classes. I made one actually, in math, but he ended up dropping school and moving away. However, eventually I was in a routine of going to class, coming home, going to class, coming home, partying on the weekend. Replay this over and over. I wasn’t really studying at all. But, still managed to get B+’s in the first mid-terms, just from attending class alone and cramming on the day before. However, I got into a rut about the time my friend dropped out. I was sleeping in a lot, and wouldn’t bother going to classes. I’d play video games all day some days, and was just a loner. I ended up dropping 3 of my courses (no effect on GPA) and finished out the other 2. I finished with a D+ and an F. But, I lied to everyone (parents) and said I was doing well.

Next semester started off the way my last one ended. But, I was in random courses this time, since you need a C or better to continue onto the next part of certain courses. I had no interest in them though, and just loafed around in my room. I did gain 20 lbs from doing absolutely no physical activity, but I wasn’t fat or anything. And after doing nothing for the first month, still partying though, I just dropped all of my courses again. Again, after the semester I lied and said I was doing well. Summer came along, and I ended up working until school came around again.

Technically I only finished two courses so they only counted against my transcript. (basically starting first year over again) This time though, I lived with my dad. But he’s rarely home, so really it’s still pretty similar as to living by myself. Same thing happened; I did well early, lost motivation half way through and dropped everything but one course. Finally, my brother caught on and questioned me, and I finally confessed. After all this time, I let it all out. He was obviously mad to begin with but offered support. He got me to go see a school counsellor and try and possibly get my life back on track. After a couple sessions, I thought I was fixed, and started the new semester off. I wasn’t trying to get into pharmacy anymore, and was focused on business. I really like math, but I had taken two math courses the previous semester so I couldn’t take them again until next year.

I started off well, not missing any courses. I was making an effort to meet friends. My brother was checking up on me. However, I still was not studying much, and doing any homework. Mostly, I was just glued to the computer checking on sports, when I should have been studying. I was taking notes, but just not looking them over. I even set up a time table, but that didn’t work worth ****. I was occasionally going out to party, but definitely not as much as the first year. I even gave up my xbox to try and do better, but was still finding ways to procrastinate.

My problem is that during high school I always had my mom checking up on me. Now in the real world, where I have to fend for myself, I just can’t seem to do it. I’m not motivated in any way, and am not competing against anyone. I’m probably going to end up dropping two courses, because I did badly on the midterms. My other 3 exams are not until after the break, so I can still try if I want. But I just seriously don’t know what to do anymore. I’m probably going to have to tell my parents after this semester what the hell I’m doing with all of the money they're investing in me.

As for my current state of my mind... for some reason I’m not feeling that depressed, even after all that. I accept that I’m a lazy, useless piece of junk. My body is actually in shape again. Yea, somehow I managed to get in shape, but couldn't do schooling. I also found a girl who likes me and I like back. It’s just I’ve been lying to everyone, and I am able to keep a straight face about it all. No one besides my brother knows what’s going on. Everyone thinks I’m this nice guy, with everything going well for him.

After reading all 1200 words of that horribly written garbage (sorry) is there anyone out there who can give me some advice? Please don't hold back.

Shivers26

Ok, first things first. I take you are American, right? Just this is an Irish based board and our education system is a little different, just FYI.

Do you like college? Do you want for finish your degree? Maybe you should speak to a career guidance counsellor in the college and see can they help you work out what sort of career you want after college and then choose subjects that match that. If you have to start again then so be it. If you are studying something you are interested in it might not be so hard to motivate yourself.

When you are living in a new place it is important to make an effort to meet new people. If your dorm mates are making the effort to invite you then you to things then just say yes! You will get to know people soon enough, find common interests and hey presto, new friends! Alternatively join clubs that you are interested in and make friends that way.

You should not expect you mother / father / brother to be checking up on you to keep you on the straight and narrow. You are an adult now, time to act like it.

Decide what you want and make it happen. If you feel you are in any way depressed then seek the necessary help so you can move forward with your life.