Break up help

LegacyUser

Hey everyone,

I broke up with my boyfriend last week. We were together for over a year (we're 19 and 20, first proper relationship for both of us) and I ended it because I found out he lied about something consistently over that entire time. Obviously that'd be reason enough in itself, but it was more like the final straw for me as we had been fighting alot over the last month and I just wasn't very happy anymore and realised we weren't very compatible.

Thing is he was always more into it than I was...(I don't mean that I didn't care about him, I did and I do, but he was just much more into it..would mention getting married etc..). He's not taking it well..texted and called me numerous times over the weekend saying how sorry he was, asking me to take him back, even though I'd said we need no contact for a while at least. I didn't respond to this, didn't hear from him at all on monday but last night he texted asking if we could meet up to talk today. I agreed..mainly because I feel so guilty..he's blaming himself completely for the break up because I was too upset about finding out about his lying that i didn't explain the other reasons. What I'm wondering is would it do him good to explain everything fully today? About the way I was feeling even before I found out about the lie..or would it make him feel worse?? I have a feeling he'll try to get me to give him a second chance..what do I say to him? I think this is the right decision for me right now, but then again I've been really down the last few days-crying randomly etc.

I've just never broken up with someone before, my only other relationship just basically mutually fell apart.. I don't know what to do or how to deal with this! Any advice would be really appreciated x

Peggypeg

Hey OP,
My advice would to be completely honest. Let him see it wasn't really working for you anymore and the lying was just the last straw. Do be ready for him to beg etc. Believe me it's horrible to have someone sobbing to you but you'll be doing both of you a huge disservice if you let him sway you. Don't be mean, just tell him everything, tell him that some day you'd like to be friends (if that's true) but at the moment you both need no contact to move on. Then walk away and stick to the no contact rule, if he tries to contact you just ignore it, he'll soon get the message. I think you'll be fine, even though you're young and this was one of your first relationships you recognised it wasn't working and you got out, that is the mature and healtiest thing to do, so you'll be fine I'm sure.
Best of luck.

OS119

i'd send him an email, you can write it all down logically and say exactly what you want without being interupted - he gets the truth and you probably feel better for having written it all out. i'd just put 'this is how i feel, please don't contact me' at the bottom and just ignore any replies. it might, for your sake as much as his, be an idea to send a text to warn him that the email might not make happy reading 'i'm not not going to meet up with you so soon after the break-up, there's an email if you want to read it...' type-thing.

it sounds harsh and unfeeling, but you have broken-up, you don't owe him a meeting or anything else - particularly if you'll find it upsetting and believe that you'll feel pressured (either by him or yourself) to 'give it another go' when you know that you don't want to.