i get paranoid easily!

LegacyUser

hey,

im prone to bouts of paranoia and jealousy to i keep myself in check ( but it drains me and is hard), but every now and again i need someone to tell me to stop being stupid and cop on...hence why im here!

situation,

present gf was an event a month back, lots friends there from her childhood and what have you. apparently a childhood crush/boyfriend/sweetheart was there and who she would see nowand then, i know he has a gf and kid. there was a pic of my gf, that lad and a few others i see on FB ( i havent seen it but ill tell you now how i know its there)... no problems there... but then i was the laptop with my gf last week and we were looking for tickets for something and she went into her email to check for the confirmation and i caught a glimpse of an email from her friend saying " seen you and x at the event looking very precarious" ...

i need someone to tell me to shut up and let it go! i know she loves me, we are great together but i let things like this worm inside me and eat away!

sexdwarf

Aww don't worry OP. I'm not a jealous person but I do have a bit of an anxiety problem so I can relate to the irrational worrying. Just ask yourself, do you trust her? Would she be with you if she didn't love you? What threat does an old-flame with a kid and a girlfriend pose in reality?

Maybe write your worries down and then write a balanced, reasonable response to each. I do this and find that it helps a lot.

Just remind yourself that everyone has a past, has exes etc. I know it's hard to break these habits of worrying but keep saying to yourself, she loves you and you're great together!

Peggypeg

Hey OP,

COP ON!!! You love her and she loves you!!!! slap slap slap.

Ok, joking, seriously though, fair play to you, I get jealous sometimes too and it's torture, I would rather a splitting headache to jealousy any day. I'm saying fair play because even though you're feeling this way you're not taking it out on your girlfriend, which a stupid amount of people would do. I think you're going to be fine, you recognise your problem and you deal with it without being possessive, mean or cruel to your girlfriend, that's really all you can do. You will continue to have these emotions, which is pants I know, but what matters is what you're doing with them, you recognise them for what they are and you don't hurt anyone because of it. That's a great start. What I do when I feel jealous or whatever, I tell my bf I love him and get a hug, that makes me feel better without fail, maybe try that?

Best of luck.

Ickle Magoo

You have to accept that no amount of jealousy or wishful thinking will stop someone from cheating or keep a relationship going, all you can do is put it to the back of your mind and enjoy what you have at the moment.

Your gf opened her e-mail in front of you, does that sound like she's hiding something? Her pal taunted her about a historic ex - hardly your gf proclaiming undying love for the fella. You have to put things in perspective and also do a bit of work on your own lack of self-esteem which is driving your paranoia. Best of luck.

LegacyUser

thanks for the replies, been battling with all those insecure thoughts today making me all anxious! couldnt even sleep last night. thanks for giving me a window into reality! i guess ill always feel this way so need to deal with it without it exhausting me and distracting me from work, eating, sleep! silly i know but it actually does affect those things. ( maybe its the fear of loss i dunno...)

Ickle Magoo

Other than being exhausting and distracting you, what do you gain from stressing about what if's and maybe's? Nothing. Zip, nada.

Instead of allowing yourself to think about it, replace that inner voice that runs your insecurities through your mind with something more positive. What's the worst thing that could happen, anyway? You get cheated on and you find out you actually deserve better and go on to meet someone who is nicer and can be trusted - don't see life as such a negative challenge, enjoy! :cool:

curlybob

Just remember, jealousy can be detrimental to a relationship. I have seen so many good couples break up because the male was too jealous/possessive. If you love her, you need to trust her, and believe me, girls will usually tell you as soon as they are not happy , or something isnt right so you would have had signs!

It's healthy for both men and women to have a bit of banter with members of the opposite sex, and when you have full trust in your partner, you can be proud that they are appreciated by others!

I always find tis best to have things out in the open, so it might be no harm for yourself to tease her about it. i.e "Look at you all cosy with your ex..aren't you a much wanted lady" etc. At least then you would be making light of it, without confrontation and she will probably tell you about meeting him and that it was awkward etc!!

Don't worry, try to trust her and imagine meeting one of your own ex's and how little it would mean to you, and then tease out the issue with some sort of a joke!

I'm sure you have nothing to worry about.

Don't be worrying