Sex, Lies and Booze..

LegacyUser

Sounds fun right?

Well unfortunately the sex comes about once a blue moon on average id say, with the odd dry spell of months. The lies, well they occurred for months on end to avoid said above. The booze, well that seems the only route to the holy land at this point..

Now to give a quick summary, rather then an essay on the in's and outs of everything.

In our twenties, first partners. Talked allot about this issue(s?). She complained of pains, so saw a doctor that gave the all clear and as far as I know this is no longer a problem.

Tried the romance route, dinners etc el and tried improving the relationship in general along with a healthy side of long talks.

I still don't have a notion whats up. Her libido seems fine in every other area if you get my drift.

Along with the fact that the last five times we have gone out, she has felt ill/tired and I am really starting to wonder. Throw in the odd bit of irrational aggro.

If a friend said the same about his gf, id probably tell him to get out of dodge and suspect cheating or just plain dislike..

..But everything else seems to be firing on all cylinders and I have asked many times if she has just lost the spark in that respect.

miec

It sounds like to me the problem is psychological, but the important question to ask yourself is can you accept having a largely non existent sex life and whilst you do all the trying, she lets you take all the responsibility for her sexual issues, is this what you really want? Is this one of those things you can accept and if you can, fair enough, but if not then you have no alternative but to leave. The bottom line is this, she does not want to have sex (most likely it has nothing to do with you which sounds odd but in my experience - I had the same problem - this seems to be the case). You cannot change your girlfriend but you can change how you deal with it.

Peggypeg

Hey OP,

My advice for this depends on how you feel about her. If you LOVE her, as in she's the one, then I would tell her she needs to get into councelling. She's got the all clear from the doctor but she lies to get out of sex and only has sex when she's drunk? If that's correct it sounds psychological alright, do you know of any bad sexual experiences in her past? It sounds like she needs to talk to a professional to figure out why this is, if she doesn't know herself already, has she considered speaking to someone?

If she's a girl you really really like but aren't head over heels in love with and you want more sex but not have to help her sort out the problem then you probably will and should walk. Phychological problems in this area (assuming that's what this is) can take an age to fix so if you don't want to be in it for the long haul, then you should walk away.

Can you give us more information about the relationship? Are you mad about her? Worried about her? Tell us more so we have a clearer picture of where you're at.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

Well, she will sometimes have sex when sober. Ain't often that any kind of sex happens though!

Pretty sure her past is clear, if it ain't she sure is keeping tight lipped and not showing too many signs. I doubt she has though. Sex was originally her idea and all..

Relationship aside is pretty good, lots of love and open communication these days! Ive asked many times if anything else is up, nada zip! She can't seem to explain it.

As for me? Feeling pretty put out at this point, it's been like this for a good while now.

Cheap Thrills!

If she uses hormonal contraception such as the pill or implant then that could possibly be the cause of the loss of interest.

A lot of people report lessening of sex drive when on the pill etc.

I noticed it myself years back after coming off it, it felt like that scene from Trainspotting where he comes off smack and gets his sex drive back. Everything with a pulse looked good!

Its worth considering!

miec

The pill may be a factor but if there is no or hardly any physical intimacy then it is a problem.

Op in the past I was with someone whom I didn't truly fancy or love and to be honest having sex with them was a chore, I know that sounds very, very cruel and I should have been honest with them at that time but I wasn't, eventually I did leave but this could be a factor with your girlfriend, she may like you, even care for you but she may not be sexually attracted to you, and if she says she is then you need to ask why is she not showing it. I should add that the person I was with whom I didn't want to have sex with was an accomplished lover but I didn't like his personality nor was I attracted to him.