don't understand men at all...

LegacyUser

ok basically I got out of a long term relationship (3 years) back in November, obviously was very upset at the time but I'm alot happier now; I know the break-up was the right thing to do, don't really have any feelings for my ex (more kind of friendly fondness type thing).

So anyway I'm kind of back out on the dating scene, I wasn't really planning on meeting anyone for a long time as don't want to get into another serious relationship so quickly but met a guy a few weeks ago and starting kinda seing and texting him. Anyhu we met up twice thought things went ok on first date then they went (in my opinion) really well on the second but since then he seems to have gone cold on me (will text then not bother replying when I text back etc)

I don't know it's probably that i've been out of the game for too long but is this normal? Also I kow I'm pure analysing everything he says/does is this also normal or am I completely on the rebound? Is it too soon to be dating again? To be honest I just want to know if every guy I meet is going to have me going all nutso and over-analysing things or is is just him? Or is it just me being too soon out of a previous relationshp? Anyone who's been in this kind of position before and could offer any advice would be great!!

CityMan2010

well no one else has replied...so here goes....try not to worry too much about things...if he dont call you, dont worry...keep on going...meeting new people....dont get hung up on one guys reaction, or 2 or 3 or 4 guys...nonoe of that matters...thats history...the right one will come along...probably when ur not looking or expecting it...be happy...

rob

legend365

You said you had a plan..stick to it.

Occasionally guys will come along. If there not right forget about them. If someones messin you around(textin back is common courtesy i say), just forget abt them. Someone twice as nice is around the corner.

LegacyUser

interesting op
Im going thru something similar met a girl a few weeks ago and have seen her twice both went great
but when i text her she barely replys and sometimes just misses what Ive said completly, so I asked her the other night what was going on she said she wasnt much of a texter fine I said Id make more of an effort calling her
went to call her tonight and she never answered she sent a text later saying she was in the shower then it was off to bed and good nite
didnt even bother to call back.
whats happening now is with little or no effort from her side Im just starting to lose interest continuisly sending her texts could backfire she could think Im too intense but when theres no reply you just start to text at there level and it can look from the other side you are losing interest ( that sounds way too complicated written down )
as for me Im just going to see if she makes any kind of effort in the next few days maybe till say saturday if not well Im just going to carry on I guess.
Im not happy about it but maybe thats the best thing to do.

Curl52

Over analyzing what a guy does and say is completely normal, all of my friends do this when dating men most women can't help it if we try not to. Unfortunately what happen to you is quite common in the dating scene, I've known it to happen to the most stunning and fun girls so try not to take it too personally. He may have realised that he doesn't want anything serious or something else is going on in life. If he's being cold you're better doing the same instead of letting things drag on for another few weeks, wrecking your head and for nothing to happen. Easier said then done tho. You're only starting off in the single scene so don't let this put you off, you should be going on lots of different dates.

e04bf099

Personally, I hate texting. Its a terrible substitute for communication and conversation and has only a limited place dating. I will only text to occasionally ask how she is, just to keep in contact, and then to organise a date. I often text hours or days after. It just doesn't make sense to text, because it serves no purpose. You don't get to know someone via text, and so all you're doing it for is courtecy, which isn't interesting.

So, he might not want to come on too strong, so he isn't putting on the pressure too hard, which is why you feel like he is being cold, and he might be like me and just find texting to be an inconvenient but useful thing - so he doesn't worry if he forgets to text back. You could put in a little extra interest, see when he'd like to meet up again, and if the coldness continues then cut him use quickly. There are a lot of lonely, decent & loving lads out there that'll put in more effort than yer man.

Peggypeg

Hey OP,

Maybe it is too soon for you? I never put definate time frames on getting over people coz everyone is different but if it's causing you this much stress then maybe leave dating alone for a couple more months? If you decide you want to date then don't try to figure men out, it's a silly thing the women do (men do it to women too) but it never goes anywhere because guys are not carbon copies of each other, some guys will text you straight away, others will wait, others will ring you, other will turn up at your doorstep and so on. There are no rules to dating and if you try to live by made up rules you'll end up completely confused when the guy doesn't follow them. Just go with your gut instinct. If he's not texting back for ages maybe he's just not that into you. If it's upsetting you and taking up space in your head then I would leave dating for a while until you're back in form after the break-up in November. That's my 2 cents for what it's worth.

Best of luck.

Miss Fluff

+1 to what Peggypeg says. Go with your gut. If his behaviour/lack of response is causing you upset then forget about him. No point in trying to second guess him, if he is interested then he'll let you know

LegacyUser

Hi Op
After some down right rude and hypocritical text messages I decided to cut ties and forget about the saturday deadline this morning.
I feel much better knowing Im back in control of myself now and I dont have to worry about anyone else but me.
Good luck to you in your desicion whatever it may be.

kill bill

we really do too much texting i was the same when dating and depended on text like my life was on hold its not worth the hassle trying to work out why he hasnt replied or what is he thinking etc.....forget him he knows how to contact you..................you have bigger fish to fry go get them

LegacyUser

OP here, thanks for all the replies! Wow I feel like a flipping eejt now, he finally text me back the other night saying sorry he ran outa cred then asked me out for friday night. which I said yes to :-)
I think the main reason I freaked out so much was that I'd usually be a good enough judge of how much guys like me and how well we're getting along and stuff and when he didn't seem interested after I thought it'd gone so well I was just completely confused. While it's refreshing being back 'in the game' as it were I'm really not used to the back-and-forth that goes on when you first start seeing some-one and aren't sure if they're interested and stuff. It's scary stuff! From what i remember from my single days I was always one for the over-analysing every little thing so I guess it's just something I'll have to work on!
Thanks for all the advice anyway! :-)