What should I do?

LegacyUser

Hey going unreg as this is a bit embarrassing. I've been going out with my bf for just over a year, having been good friends first. He has a friend who lives in Belfast who he has been going to stay with the odd weekend for the last few years. They met in college but she dropped out in first year as she got pregnant and returned to Belfast where she's from and now lives with her daughter. The thing is, a few years ago he was visiting for her birthday and they ended up going to bed together, didn't have sex but they did have oral. He said that was the only time they were together but still, this makes me really uncomfortable. I'm not really comfortable with the idea of him going to visit her for weekends and I really don't want to meet her. I saw a post on his facebook from her saying she was looking forward to meeting me, well I have no intention of meeting her. I don't really want to be making small talk knowing my bf's penis was in her mouth, sorry if that sounds crude, but I just could do without it. How can I bring this up with my boyfriend?

LegacyUser

Erm I think maybe I wasn't clear. The oral sex was long before he met me. Since then they've just been friends and I've no reason to think that isn't true. It still makes me uncomfortable thinking that they were together.

Angus Og

Ah, I get you now. Thought you meant he visited her for birthday while with you.

Anyway, maybe you're worrying too much. Though I still think you should tell him how you feel. You have to be honest if it bothers you. What will happen if she starts getting close to him, and you haven't put down a marker? She might get ideas.

OS119

sorry, but you're just going to have to get over it. the chances of you going out with virgins for the rest of your life is pretty limited, and most people have some degree of relationship with at least some of the people they've slept with in their previous existence. if you can't learn to handle the idea that you're going to have some social contact with people who have slept with/noshed off your boyfriends then you're going to be very lonely indeed.

oral sex is a very normal/common thing, if you've a problem with other people doing it you probably ought to seek help regarding your attitudes to sex.

you were clear in your post regarding chonology, its just that Angus Og couldn't be arsed to read it.

Angus Og

Sorry, I read the post. Misread one sentence. If you have a problem with my opinion PM me.

I_am_Jebus

To be honest. I think your feelings (uncomfortable etc...) are fairly normal in this situation. A lot (most) people would feel some amount of apprehension with situation.

There isn't really an awful lot you can do about it though. People have histories, friends etc... and you need to try get over it.

Like with any issue in a relationship, communication is the key to solving and/or avoiding a lot of problems. I don't see any harm broaching the subject with your BF and just let him know that you have some apprehension regarding the situation. He may be able to allay some of your fears etc...

If you do decide to raise the issue, please be careful how you do so (i.e. no accusations etc...)

All the best

Jebus

sodaev

He's with you, not her. What happened in the past is history.

If you don't trust him that's another issue entirely.

cafecolour

Exhibit 1023 as to why discussing past sexual histories with the OH is generally a bad idea.

I'm gonna have to go with try and get over it. Go up to Belfast, meet her, play nice. Otherwise you will just seem insecure and unfriendly.

Peggypeg

Hey,
You have my pity, it's a cr*ppy situation to be in and I'll admit I'd feel the same. But, your boyfriend hasn't done anything wrong and neither has his friend. Just go meet her and play nice, otherwise you're going to look childish and jealous and possessive, just put up and shut up and I'd say once you do meet her you'll get over it pretty quickly. It's a case were it's understandable to feel as you do but acting on it (like stopping him visiting her) would not be justified at all, it would be unfair on your boyfriend, she is his friend afterall.
Best of luck.