WHY IS IT SO HARD :(

alpha2010

was with my bf for 19 months .. it was pretty serious, but were only 18. I have put my bf through soo much sh** over the past 6 months.. not really going to go into it.
but enough was enough and he decided to break up with me last Friday. we always break up and get back together but this time it felt real
because he got a new sim and basically got rid of all contact with me, facebook, msn etc

for two days i heard nothin from him, i was in such a state, i understand why he broke up so i dont blame him but i love him so much
anyways this is where it gets confusing
i looked up advice on how to deal with a break up and basically said if he contacts u ignore him for a bit and play cool
but when he contacted me Monday..,. i didn't lol, i poured my heart out
i was pretty upset so he said we could go for a walk. one thing led to another and we had sex.

he felt bad about it but he said it was because he hadn't had sex in over a week and he lost control. i didn't care cause i want him back and i keep thinking he does too

anyways we start seeing each other everyday and out of 7 days we prob had sex about 4 times. we do everything the same. i stay over and we sometimes kiss etc. im too happy i dont wanna mess it up but he reminds me each time that were not together.


right i know you're going to say im being stupid but i think he is just doing this because he finds it exciting because sex is always best when were broken up anyways we are still buying each other something for valentines day.. no one knows that we are broken up, when i stay over, his ma assumes im still with him

what should i read from this, i think that he might be just punishing me for the way i have been treating him lately, or am i there just there for sex or whatever
i just feel is he afraid of being alone because he doesnt have that many friends where he lives, and he is afraid to let me go because we always spend so much time together

to him were 'friends' .. friends with benefits ??

i dont know what im here looking for im just soo confused

HalloweenJack

I know what he's doing because I did it in the past.

He is just using you for sex. He doesn't have the relationship but he has the sex. You're his insurance policy. If he meets another girl, he won't see you again and he'll expect you to accept it because he broke up with you. He'll say something like "you knew what we were doing (i.e. friends with benefits)". Then if that new girl doesn't work out, he'll come back to you and expect everything to go back to before.

He hadn't had sex in a week and he lost control? A week is a very short period. If anything, he could be a sexaholic, another reason to stay clear of him.

Again, he's just using you for sex. It's very easy to go back to him because you just broke up and you have feelings for him but it will only end in tears.

You have got to be strong and stay away from him. It will be tough.

It may sound like I'm making assumptions but your description is identical to something I used to do in the past. Believe me, you are better off staying away from him. You are just going to get really hurt.

alpha2010

i know i'm being stupid but he was everything for me, he doesn't seem to want to move on though, like he calls me first and whatever

but tbh i sometimes try and initiate sex first and he doesn't give in straight away but eventually he does.
but if i really dont want to.. he does be all over me, its like he wants what he cant have.

ohh i dont know what to do, like sometimes were lying in bed and says i love you and then says oh i shouldn't have said that
i really think he is just doing this because its exciting .. like sex has improved about 100% since we broke up. and the reason why he broke up was my controlling behavior but because were not together, i dont be like that so i think he likes the way i act around him now, i like it too but i just dont want him using me

Sir Ophiuchus

I'm going to be blunt.

Based on your description, this guy is emotionally manipulative, using you for sex, and trying to make you dependent on him.

You need to break off with him now. Permanently. Do what he did, changing the SIM and all. He is bad for you and will only hurt you more if you cling onto him.

Sorry to tell you that, but it's the only advice I can give in this situation.

alpha2010

i just bought him a present. 100 euro because i promised it ages ago, he said last night he wasnt gonna see me today cause he wants to play a game

i text him when in college asking cud i meet up and giv him his present and i leave it at that
he said u can come up for half hour and then **** off home
i start crying just now on the phone because he being horrible. oh he really messing my head

like i suffer with depression and the way he is treating me
why have i not got the strength to walk away i try

Angus Og

You're eighteen years old, it's time to walk away. You have your whole life ahead of you. Just try and imagine what he'll be like in the future. He sounds like a complete and utter brat. He's a user, as people have already said.

It doesn't matter what you put him through, he has no right to revenge. The world doesn't work like that.

Time to end it.

alpha2010

guys im at my wits end.. im in bits right now... he treating me like ****.. he said walk up at 1015, when he finished playing his game and giv him the present and go home.. i want to walk away soo badly but ill be all alone, i havent got many friends so i cant hang out with them

he has control over me
i have tried to commit suicide about 4 times over him
when he found out he called me attention seeking im not i just want someone to actually love me and not be a complete prick all the time

i was 16 when we started going out im 18 about 7 months and i have never gone out clubbing EVER.. thats how much my life is being controlled
i see my friends facebook pages, what they did last saturday night .. and all i did was wait for my bf to come home from work..

his not even with me and he still controlling me
i dont know how to walk away
i really dont.. i try but somehow i get back in contact
i have such a pathetic life. i go to uni then come home then see him
what will i do now

Angus Og

You're finding it hard to walk away because you are young. You started this relationship at 16, when most people are first finding real freedom as young adults. You haven't known freedom, and that's why you can't seek it.

All you have to do is walk.

Novella

Ok, I know everything seems really sh!t right now and you're probably gonna hate what I'm about to say 'cause it's such a cliche but seriously, things will get better.
I was eighteen (two years ago, but it seems like a lifetime ago! ) and I thought I'd NEVER get over a particular guy. I thought I loved him and couldn't imagine my life without him but honestly, time does heal wounds. What seems like the worst thing ever now will be nothing in a while. I can promise you that in two years you will look back on this and think 'what was I like'!

What you need to do is occupy yourself. While things really do get better in time, it's a good idea to make that time go by a little faster and less painlessly by keeping busy. Take up a hobby - read, go to the gym, paint, whatever. Do it for yourself. Challenge yourself. At the start of each day, write down something you'd like to achieve, even if it's teeny tiny. Oh, and unrelated to the ex!

You say you don't have many friends. How about you try make some? You're in uni. Join some clubs and societies. Or failing that, head to the library. Sounds mad, but you'd be occupied and you never know, might meet a like-minded person there.

My advice is basically don't go to see him tonight. You know yourself that he's using you for sex or you wouldn't have posted this. Text him now and tell him you're having an early night or whatever. Give yourself a bit of breathing space from him because it does make the getting over someone thing that little bit easier.

Remember, it is better to have loved and lost, than never loved at all. I'm sure you guys had some good times together and these times and the bad times and how you deal with them are what build and shape you as a person. The first cut is the deepest; another bit of mumbo jumbo from me, but it's true. You will probably never hurt this badly because of a guy again.

If you need someone to have a natter with, feel free to PM me. Hope things look up for you soon.