How do I deal with this?

LegacyUser

I met a girl back in October, I had known her years before through friends and I suppose I had a thing for her back then, nothing happened.
In October we went back to a friends house, stayed up all night chatting about everything and anything, there was something there that I hadn't really felt before, It seemed we could talk about anything at all and the I would understand where she was coming from and vice/versa. We kissed as it felt completely natural.
We met up a few times between then and Christmas, just hanging out and finding out more about each other.
I was in the process of ending a relationship that shouldn't have started in the first place - we were just passing time, she had just ended a relationship with a guy that didn't understand her at all, she felt he had been using her and had no interest in who she was or how she felt.
As time went on, we shared more and more, I haven't met anyone where I could completely be myself or say anything without feeling stupid, She said she had never met anyone who accepted her personality and the way she thought. I never met anyone as honest as her and we knew that we could tell each other anything. We share so many common interests like music and introduced each other to books we liked or obscure films that meant something to us.
I know she's a really attractive girl, in fact I've never been attracted to someone 100% both physically and emotionally

Warning - This is where it gets messy:

After Christmas, I started thinking about past relationships where I went out people based on looks, I had never found someone that ticked all the boxes, As she had made the first move on me, I assume she was attracted to me - Over time I completely fell for her. we had told each other how much we meant to each other and how neither of us had met someone so similar.

She already knew, but 2 weeks ago, I told her how I felt, she told me she still wans't over her ex, and that he kept texting her and she couldn't shake him. She ahd strong feelings for him


to be continued, something's just come up

LegacyUser

Things were going OK, we continued to talk openly about whatever was happening in our lives, and still found new things about each other and helped each other through various things, we shared a passionate kiss one night which I suppose made me feel like there was at least some attraction there - but there was still things holding her back, as she'd been so open with me I didn't pursue things, I figured if she was gonna warm to the idea of us maybe being more than friends she'd do it in her own time.
Last week was really busy for both of us so we didn't see each other for over a week, we met up for drinks, went out had a great time, When we went back to her place, we had one of those deep and meaningful sort of chats, I told her that if we couldn't be more than friends I wasn't going to push it,
I explained my reasoning on why I thought we would be good together, and asked her that if she did start to see someone in the future that she shouldn't settle for just anyone as she deserved someone who understands her and likes her for who she is. We slept in the same bed as we were feeling close and just hugged for an eternity.
One thing led to another, I won't go into the gory details, suffice to say we took things a lot further than we had before. I could tell the next morning that she wasn't as comfortable around me as she had been, we still spent an enjoyable day together but we definitely weren't as close as we had been.
I decided to keep a low profile till today, we sent each other a few texts, she said she feels like she was using me and that she didn't want me to feel like I was stringing her along.

Now the dilemma is, do I

A) Break off all contact with her and see how I feel when the dust settles
Try and be friends for the sake of the closeness we had before all this happened
C) Stay in contact but not meet her

I don't want to lose her, so A would make me feel so alone
I don't think I could handle being around her as friends so is out of the question


SO there's the shortened version of the story. What the hell do I do now, and if you've noticed anything from the story that stands out that maybe I'm not getting, feel free to point that out

I_am_Jebus

It is a bit of a messy situation.

I think considering there is a recent ex still in the picture, you should allow a bit of space. If you feel you can manage it then I would suggest you roll with Option C.

Give her some space to let her clear out her mind. You've already told her how you feel so the ball is largely in her court.

I won't necessarily say move on just yet, but perhaps just keep a bit of a distance with some contact.

Having said that, it appears to me that she's not in a place where she can see you as more than a friend at the moment. This does not necessarily mean that it has something to do with you. It could be more to do with timing.

I certainly wouldn't put my heart into it as I think there is a good chance you will get hurt.

All the best with it, tread carefully and look out for your own state of mind.

Jebus.

anucksunamun

Before I tell you what I think is going on here let me say, I'm sorry this has happened to you, you seem to be an articulate and genuine guy and I hope you meet a girl who is worthy of being treated as well as you would like to treat this girl. Because this girl, in my honest opinion (and I may be wrong), is not interested in having a relationship with you, she likes how you make her feel about herself, she may even like you a lot.. but she is holding back from you and deliberately giving you mixed signals to keep you hanging on and wanting more because she can see how good you are, and how kind and nice.. but she doesn't feel the same way for you as you do for her. Its horrible, it sucks, you deserve someone who feels everything you do, and I think deep down you already know this.

If you do need to hear this from her, or know for sure, ask her.. just blatantly, out straight... I hope for your sake I'm wrong hun. Hugs. x.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the kind comments and good advice. I told her yesterday that i'm going to take some space and sort my head out - she says i deserve someone better than her and that she's really bad at relationships.
I'm gonna leave it for a while and see if I'm still thinking the way I am, maybe meet her in a fortnight and see if I still feel the same way -
Maybe with time I'll see that it's not something that's gonna happen and that will make it easier to be around her - I guess not knowing where i stood was driving me crazy and allowing me to visualize a future with this girl.