the putting up with pregnant women thread

d4v1d

ok, no babies yet. one on the way in july and we find out the gender in two days.

people say that raising a baby is the most stressful thing that can happen and it pushes you to your limit. well, i disagree. i don't think that anyone that is raising children has had to endure a pregnant woman!!!!!

my wife used to be human. seriously, she use to laugh and eat cheese and be awake and i used to be able to talk to her. now it's all changed. i'm on constant vigilance to make sure that anything i say doesn't cause her to burst into tears. she went into a bloody conniption fit when i didn't but semi-skimmed milk one day. at one stage i thought she was going to attack a waitress because the cheese wasn't pasturised. what does that matter???

i've got a friend in a similar position and he's also found out that there are changes in his household too. do they go back to normal when the baby arrives or are these changes permanent? surely it must get better.

it must!!!

anyone other guys experiencing this?

Moomoo1

I think some partners get it very bad during pregnancy but most don't. I never did. Actually, I am getting it far more now that the child is born than before.

Nevyn

Unpasterised cheese is not to be eaten by pregnant women due to the risks of a pregnant woman getting listeriosis

http://www.americanpregnancy.org/pregnancycomplications/listeria.html

What is Listeria?

Listeria monocytogenes is a type of bacteria that is found in water and soil. Vegetables can become contaminated from the soil, and animals can also be carriers. Listeria has been found in uncooked meats, uncooked vegetables, unpasteurized milk, foods made from unpasteurized milk, and processed foods. Listeria is killed by pasteurization and cooking. There is a chance that contamination may occur in ready-to-eat foods such as hot dogs and deli meats because contamination may occur after cooking and before packaging.1
What are the risks of a pregnant woman getting listeriosis?

According to the Center of Disease Control (CDC), an estimated 2,500 persons become seriously ill each year in the United States and among these, 500 will die. According to research, pregnant women account for 27% of these cases. CDC claims that pregnant women are 20 times more likely to become infected than non-pregnant healthy adults.
How will I know if I have listeriosis?

Symptoms of listeriosis may show up 2-30 days after exposure. Symptoms in pregnant women include mild flu-like symptoms, headaches, muscle aches, fever, nausea, and vomiting. If the infection spreads to the nervous system it can cause stiff neck, disorientation, or convulsions. Infection can occur at any time during pregnancy, but it is most common during the third trimester when your immune system is somewhat suppressed. Be sure to contact your health care provider if you experience any of these symptoms.
Can listeriosis harm my baby?

If you are pregnant and are infected with listeriosis, you could experience:

* Miscarriage
* Premature delivery
* Infection to the newborn
* Death to the newborn (about 22% of cases of perinatal listeriosis result in stillbirth or neonatal death)

Early treatment may prevent fetal infection and fetal death.

So yes that does matter.
As for the emotional out bursts they can be caused by things other then hormoanes,
lack of sleep for one and many women find pregnancy makes them incredibly tired and irratable. The normal stresses and strains of what is day to day life can pile on top of a person and what they could cope wth beforehand they may not be able to during pregnancy.

How much do you know about the changes her body is going through?
How much of her and your and your joint concerns worrys and fears are you sharing with each other?
She could have things which are worrying her about the pregnancy which she hasn't talked about.

Pregnancy and the fist two yars of a child's life can be every hard going but they are never an exucse for partner abuse.

d4v1d

fair point on the cheese. pregnancy/science wouldn't be my strongest point. thanks for clarifying that.

as for the partner abuse comment?? not quite sure where that came from. i'm just wondering if any other dads to be are going through this and how they deal with it. i'm not looking to understand whats going on, i'm more concerned on when she gets back to normal. i was really hoping someone would say, 'yes, same thing happened to me, it goes way in X months'.

January

It can vary between women, we're all different

caprilicious

d4v1d wrote: »

i'm just wondering if any other dads to be are going through this and how they deal with it. i'm not looking to understand whats going on, i'm more concerned on when she gets back to normal. i was really hoping someone would say, 'yes, same thing happened to me, it goes way in X months'.

I see where you're coming from but you might be a bit outnumbered by pregnant women in this forum than sympathetic men unfortunately

If you feel like vommiting (sp?)24/7 for 6+ weeks, suffer from chronic constipation/piles/fatigue/*insert horrible symptom*, gain 2-3 stone and have to drag it around with you for months (then have to try lost it all again after :rolleyes:) you might feel a wee bit more understanding

Just remember you can still go out for a few scoops at the weekend, smoke/eat what you like if you're feeling crap you can take medication etc

Being pregnant even though it has a fantastic outcome in the form of your gorgeous baby at the end...it can feel like a 9 month prison sentence for the lady as there are so many things you can not do

silja

For me, the second trimester was by far the easiest; some emotional stuff, but not as muich as in the first trimester, and not as tired/ grumpy as in the third.

The emotional stuff came back with a vengence after birth though, a combination of baby blues and sleep deprivation. And my husband had sleep dep too, so he found it quite difficult at times to deal with me I think But yes, it does go away. When will depend on how mummy is doing, how baby is doing, how much help she has, how much sleep she gets....

DERICKOO

it is not me,really, but i relate why am i so nanky i want to kill everyone, i cannot stop peeing i eat all the time, a little every time. i hate everyone. i dont like you any-more.

me I'm bewildered

Nevyn

d4v1d wrote: »

fair point on the cheese. pregnancy/science wouldn't be my strongest point. thanks for clarifying that.

Ever think that maybe you should do some reading up on the science of pregnancy? It seems you partner has and as a result has worries that you don't and so it's hard for you to understand why she is reacting the way she is. She may also feel that she is alone in managing the pregnancy and all the changes and that you aren't interested enough to want to know about it
which can drive a wedge between a couple and no one likes to be made feel that they are being tolerated.

She is still human, she is also growing another human inside her which is freaky on a physical and bio chemical level never mind mentally and emotionally. It is tiring esp if she is stressed and worried, many women in the first trimester sleep 10 to 14 hours they just need to.

d4v1d wrote: »

i'm not looking to understand whats going on,

I really do think you should be that way you will be more understanding over all and will make allowances and be less resentful.

There are some really good websites out there which will email you updates on the changes to the baby as it grows and the many and changing symptoms your partner will be going through. They are short but informative.

http://www.babycenter.com/6_your-pregnancy-10-weeks_1099.bc

d4v1d wrote: »

i'm more concerned on when she gets back to normal. i was really hoping someone would say, 'yes, same thing happened to me, it goes way in X months'.

She will become normal for a pregnant person and normal for a new mother, she will not be the same way she was before, she will have changed, you will have changed, having a baby is one of those life experiences which changes you, your relationship, your priorities and how you view the world.

I get that you are missing her and the type of company she used to be and now she seems crabby and distant but she's pregnant on one of the biggest most scariest life changing adventure there is and you are on the same one.

What happens and how much effect you or just her is up to you but leaving her to under go it alone and not be as much of part of what is happening with her, the baby to be and the changes in your relationship as you can be will leave both of you missing each other and resentful.

d4v1d wrote: »

as for the partner abuse comment?? not quite sure where that came from.

The onset of partner abuse mental/emotional/physical is most likely to start in a relationship during pregnancy, due to the stresses and change and resentment which can happen.

I am not for one moment suggesting that you are someone who abuses their partner, and partner abuse in such cases is not always the man being abusive to the woman it happens then other way around as well.

But by being aware of what is going on and what may happen we are better informed and we can make sure to tend our relationship so that when there is a baby on the way or in our lives the relationship does not suffer or fall apart.

d4v1d wrote: »

i'm just wondering if any other dads to be are going through this and how they deal with it.

There is a Dad's chat thread in this forum, I have stuck a link to this thread in it, so hopefully some of them will come and tell you how they got through it or if they are in the trenches with you, feeling your not the only man and Dad to be in your situation can be a great help.

Joey the lips

tbh if this is your first you will see massive changes. The changes will not be all permanent but somethings will. For example. There is in order

The child
Her
You.

You now have to contend with 2 people not one. Over time you will adjust. She will adjust. The child will adjust.

To make it simple. Its the greatest thing that will ever happen. You want to help your partner. Bond with the child. Make her life easier.

Even when the child is still in her there is bonding....

I dont envy any women who goes through pregnancy. In fact I would have payed someone rather than seeing my wife go through it.

Have patients. Have lots of patients. Lots of changes. But there will be lots of good.

ir666

OP,

I am sitting across the table from my scarily angry, fat, hormonal and randomly violent 37 weeks pregnant OH.

She is currently pinching me as I write this and vomitting all over me for the umpteenth time this morning.

Help please, pregnant women are a curse on the human condition!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Ha ha ha ......... only messing of course. She is sweet wonderful and lovely and is about to make me coffee.

Then we are off to the hosiptal for our last scan. (Not her 37 week scan, OUR 37 week scan).

Any chance of that coffee now ?

Swizzles

First of all Joey and Ir666 Thank goodness for men like you who actually understand (And if ya dont ye do a good job of pretending ye do :P )
Thaedydal..Very nicely put
Im currently 18 weeks pregnant and due in July and am very very emotional/hormonal and sensitive..Theres so many changes that i didnt even expect to happen but they have happened and like all pregnant women i will deal with the best way i can..
One thing that makes so much difference is the support of your partner/family etc ...Leave her have a own way to an extent..Its scary and its life changing and since the moment i found out i was pregnant ive been extremely protective of this life growing inside me ...

Sometimes i want to be the person i was before but i know it all has changed now and theres a reason for that..Because believe it or not,Your going to expericence the best gift in life!

CathyMoran

I think that men can get a lot of fun from the actual pregnancy if you just speak honestly with your partner.

For me I am constantly worried will he be ok, will I be a good mum and having someone to hug you really helps. My hubby and I have both been hugging baby and talking to him from the begining, letting him know how much he is loved and wanted...he has been kicking for most of the pregnancy and actively kicks his dad when he comes up to me. It is lovely for both of us. Yes pregnancy is not easy but you will see your child soon.

crazy cat lady

I was a bit mental in pregnancy, but its the one time in your life when you can get away with it

Chet used to joke around and whenever we were going anywhere he would ask 'got your purse? got your phone? got your keys? got your crazies?'

I never left the house without my crazies

Nevyn

cbyrd your post is hardly supportive or helpful of the op, please have some tact.

cbyrd

Oops I'm very sorry, it was meant in a humourous way :o I didn't think offence would be taken, i need to rein myself in sometimes and realise not everyone gets my tomboy humour:o
i was laughing to myself at how my husband used to despair of me when i was pregnant and how he quickly learned not to let it show but never quite suceeded...;)hence the slap remark.. i did get mad enough at him at times for no apparent reason other than he was there!!
i don't think there's any other way to help this guy cos no matter what he does from now til baby comes he's not going to get it right, even if he turns into a hero that does breakfast in bed and holds the hair back when puking!! and this is meant in a humourous way too, from the perspecitve of a woman whose been pregnant with hormones and spots and fat bum and a husband who said 'there there' jokingly cos he knows short of having the baby for me he's going to get the brunt of my bad humour!!:D
again apologies

ir666

Alot of sound sense and advice has been doled out on this thread but comparing childbirth to the all encompassing agony of manflu is just out of order!

www.manflu.info

Khannie

d4v1d wrote: »

i've got a friend in a similar position and he's also found out that there are changes in his household too. do they go back to normal when the baby arrives or are these changes permanent? surely it must get better.

it must!!!

anyone other guys experiencing this?

Just saw this thread.

So....Yes. You are not alone.

When it gets better depends on a few things in my experience.....

1) Baby blues / post natal depression can kick in. This can be very rough for all involved.
2) After baby arrives sleep deprivation works to ensure you are both cranky. Prepare to be the nutjob.
3) Feeding, no matter which path you choose, is a sure road to guilt for the poor mum.

You'll forget all about the rough pregnancy when baby arrives though. Congratulations and good luck!

cbyrd

ir666 wrote: »

Alot of sound sense and advice has been doled out on this thread but comparing childbirth to the all encompassing agony of manflu is just out of order!

www.manflu.info

d4v1d

thank you everybody for replies.

i don't doubt that it's a fact that about 17 years from now when we kindly ask our daughter (found out gender today) to leave and get herself to college, and she's all grown up, healthy, educated and having the benefits of better dental care than my parents could afford, it will have all been worth it. no doubt at all that i will having the pleasure of making her boyfriends squirm when she brings them into the house. i can't wait for the reading stories, playing hide and seek and christmas mornings. really can't wait. i know i am going to adore her.

....but nothing, absolutely nothing, will ever convince me that having a pregnant wife will ever be worth it again. not a chance! durex and vasectomy here i come!!!

xoxyx

d4v1d wrote: »

....but nothing, absolutely nothing, will ever convince me that having a pregnant wife will ever be worth it again. not a chance! durex and vasectomy here i come!!!

Probably the best thing you can do for both of you then.

ebmma

d4v1d wrote: »

thank you everybody for replies.

i don't doubt that it's a fact that about 17 years from now when we kindly ask our daughter (found out gender today) to leave and get herself to college, and she's all grown up, healthy, educated and having the benefits of better dental care than my parents could afford, it will have all been worth it. no doubt at all that i will having the pleasure of making her boyfriends squirm when she brings them into the house. i can't wait for the reading stories, playing hide and seek and christmas mornings. really can't wait. i know i am going to adore her.

....but nothing, absolutely nothing, will ever convince me that having a pregnant wife will ever be worth it again. not a chance! durex and vasectomy here i come!!!

you don't know what she'll be like during second pregnancy though. She can be a completely different person - can't predict those things.

ir666

ebmma wrote: »

you don't know what she'll be like during second pregnancy though. She can be a completely different person - can't predict those things.

i would agree with this totally. My OH is nearing the end of second pregnancy and it has been great.

Bubbles09

Hi d4v1d, I know it's very hard to tolerate your wifes moods at the mo as I'm also preg, I get my good and bad days but surely they can't all be bad..

And also when your daughter comes along, do things the way your wife wants you to, like making the bottles the way she does etc coz that drove me mad when our son was born - my partner did everything arseways!! :mad:

Moomoo1

Bubbles09 wrote: »

And also when your daughter comes along, do things the way your wife wants you to, like making the bottles the way she does etc coz that drove me mad when our son was born - my partner did everything arseways!! :mad:

Why? The father is entitled to as much input into the way things are done regarding the child as the mother!

Bubbles09

I know that but just for peace sake is all I'm saying the woman is still extremely hormonal and the least thing will send her into a hissy fit just to make things easier..

Sleepy

IMO, pregnancy is the time for everything the way Mammy wants it tbh. If that's driving to the 24 hour shop that's half an hour's drive away at 3am because she needs Gaviscon and marshmallows, so be it.

I sometimes wonder though if the irritability and irrationality of "pregnancy brain" as my O/H called it is designed by nature to teach us men the patience we'll need for dealing with a new baby!

ebmma

tbh, I find it very odd that women after going through a pregnancy (or several) don't seem to be that understanding of their teenage kids when time comes.
The 'hormones' thing is pretty similar except it is worse (when you are a teen you don't have a definite time frame when it all ends and don't get any visible 'result' at the end).

That's maybe a bit OT, but I think it puts things into perspective. People cut a lot of slack for pregnant women, but there are other people too and they also have feelings...

Nevyn

I think it could be that for a lot of women they have forgotten what it is like by the time thier children are teens only to be harshly reminded when menapause starts.

ebmma

Thaedydal wrote: »

I think it could be that for a lot of women they have forgotten what it is like by the time thier children are teens only to be harshly reminded when menapause starts.

That makes sense. I should write those things down, so I don't forget

Swizzles

lolz maybe thats why but also because its women who have the physical changes as well as the emotional ones men have..
Yes it is one of the most natural things in the world but that doesnt mean where not going to cry because were getting "fat",As a woman i do go through the exact same worries about will i be a good parent, money etc
This doesnt mean mine are way more important than his but put it this way ..Someone puts your brain in a blender shakes everything around and just throws in these worries

If you have been doing a good job of being her husband /Boyfriend all along then your doing half the work already ..If not ..man up