How much money should you be spending on the girl your meeting

jackisback

i'm not really goin out with this girl.. jus sorta meeting from time to time

like for example, you decide to go to the cinema...

are you expected to pay for her ticket, her popcorn and drinks and the taxi home? and the next time you go how much are you expected to pay then?

or if you you go to a nightclub, are you expected to pay her in, buy her a few drinks, bag of chips afterward and taxi home?

i'm not tight or anything i just dont want to seem like im over/under spending on her

lynsalot

Hi OP

Play it by ear is your best bet. Definitely offer to buy her a drink if you're out in a bar and offer first it'll give her a good impression. I wouldn't expect you to pay for everything though. maybe if you're offering to bring her to the cinema then get the tickets yourself and see if she offers to buy popcorn etc. It's no harm to treat her just watch how it goes... i wouldn't be expecting a bloke to pay for everything anyway

Irishboy29

In the begining it's ok to pay for the first 2 or 3 dates. She should at least offer to buy a round or get the next one.

If she is working and doesn't offer then dump her ass. She's being tight . Nothing as unattractive as somebody who is tight and doesn't pay their way.

mobilecore

Hi op,
I know you are only seeing this girl but you did say on and off so i imagine its been a few dates. I know exactly where you are coming from on this one

Dont pay for everything with a girl. You increase the factor of being used. There is no positive side. Yes you can pay for the first 3 dates as said above. To show your're a gent and all but after that bail if its totally one sided.
I dated a girl for 6 months. She wasnt working and I paid for everything ... i mean everything! cinema... meals... even the odd bus fare if she didnt have it. I mean everything! I just liked her and I was a fool. In the end, as soon as there was someone else she wanted to be with she cheated on me with him. She even openly said her day to day life was boring when we werent on a date any particular day. A red flag among others I didnt listen to.

By paying for everything you will most likely suffer one or two of the following 3 problems from doing so:

1, A girl who isnt that into you. Who would of parted ways much sooner will continue to date you. (The most common issue)
2, You wont get any respect. Half of getting respect from someone is being assertive.
3, And last but not least ... even if a girl likes you by paying for everything that will become the normal. After a while she wont see that as a "positive" that you have/do for her. It will just be the normal and she will expect it.

Trust me mate. I've been there and done that because I was a fool. Like many men (even women) who learned from it. As I am sure many people have on this board. Make things change or bail. Trust me its a trait that will either get you used or taken advantage of.

jon1981

the way i look at it is this, its a different world now than it was 20+ years ago, women work, alot earn as much if not more than men. yes first date, make the gesture, pay for the tickets, buy the first round of drink...if shes not forthcoming to buy a second round then id be none too impressed... we aren't living in the 50s... equality and all that! if you start out doing all the buying in the first few dates it will set the precedent...start as you means to go on... thats my theory!


EDIT: i certainly would strongly disagree with paying for everything for the first 2 or 3 dates!

sesna

I'd probably smuggle my own popcorn into the cinema and a bag of sweets. She'd be impressed by your ingenuity. Then maybe by her one drink if things are going well.

mobilecore

I have to agree with john1981.
its a nice thing to do if you pay for the first 3 dates - be a gent. But I agree with the "start as you means to go on"

On the subject I find that not paying a share can be a red flag. A sign to see just how much a person is into you. Its one of those "feeler" things you have to read. I mean yeah alot of people lost their jobs but everyone who doesnt have a job should be/is on the social welfare. 20 euro for cinema tickets once a week too much?

Oneironaut

When I met my (ex!)girlfriend originally, and we were going to the cinema or for lunch just as friends, we'd both pay our own way. When we were finally an item then, I'd treat her to a meal or something like that most nights we were out. I don't think if you're just meeting a friend you should pay for them, regardless of whether it's a boy or a girl- even if you're hoping to go out with her eventually.

I also went to a café once where a girl tried to pay for me. So whatever you're comfortable with, I just don't like the weird etiquette system which makes men feel like they have an obligation to treat women differently.

Monkey61

I'd say keep it equal. If you paid for cinema tickets I would expect her to offer to get popcorn. Certainly shouldn't be paying for anyone's taxi home!

It's nice to treat somebody from time to time - buy them dinner, get tickets to something etc. But in the modern world you are being a fool if you pay for everything all the time and she doesn't even offer!

If you pay for dinner one night, I would certainly expect her to return the favour another time. It would be normal to take it in turns so that it all balances out more or less.

Shivers26

As a girl I would say its nice to be treated on a first date but after that I'd certainly offer to pay for things. If the guy paid for dinner, I would get drinks or if he paid for cinema tickets then I would get the popcorn. Fair is fair and I would have always paid to make my own way home.

Also, once you are seeing someone a while I find a 50/50 split becomes normal. He might pay for one date and I would happily pay for the next one. I would never ever expect a guy to pay for everything all the time.

mobilecore

Op
everyone seems to agree with the whole paying for things. Either it being 50/50, taking turns or treating someone from time to time. Same thing.

You said its been a few times you met her. Not to mention paying for taxi home?!?!?!?!?! dude you are being used. By reading facts about the people we date we can reveal alot of things. You are being used my friend. The whole meeting from time to time is enough for me to make a call on it alone that it will go no-where. Simple logic - how come it hasnt progressed? Let alone you paying for everything.

Cut contact. You'll just get hit with the "i'm not looking for anything right now" - or "we dont really gel do we?" line. You've already posted a thread asking for advice. Think about that. You know something is not right and now everyone is replying back saying thats not fair. Dude cut contact. After reading this thread and not acting on it you will get hit with the hard truth very soon if you continue. She won't care. She got out of the house, saw a few movies had a night out all on your expense.

bobbytables

I concur with all on the 50/50 thing. I think it's more important that both people make a genuine offer to pay. For example, my girlfriend and I (even when we first started going out, years ago) would both offer to pay for things. I always wanted to pay, but then again, so did she. We didn't get in to a Ms. Doyle cat fight over it, but if we went to the cinema and I got the tickets she would be over buying the popcorn before I even got a chance. I never once got the impression that she expected me to pay for everything, and she expressed her stance clearly from the start.

So what I suggest you do is offer to pay for things, and see how long she lets you do that for. Some guys will be happy to pay all the time and some won't put their hand in their pocket. It's up to you to decide where on this scale you are happy.

You will have to play it by ear to see where she stands though. I'd be very surprised if she let you do it all, as the vast majority of women out there are well able to stand on their own two feet.

My final bit of advice to you would be to relax, and have a good time together. Don't get aggravated if you cover a few consecutive bills. I know money is tight for many people these days, but if this girl means enough to you, you won't let the money be the focus.