Unplanned Pregnancy

LegacyUser

I'm 22 and have just found I'm pregnant.. Haven't told my boyfriend or family yet as I won't be back down home for another 2 weeks, and its not exactly something I want to do over the phone.

I know my boyfriend will support me whatever I do but my main concern is my parents. I know it could be a much worse situation, as in a teenage pregnancy or something but they're still going to be really really upset and disappointed.

I know they'll be supportive but its the disappointment I'm dreading. They're very focused on my education and have put a lot of money and effort into funding my degree. Its funny, this is the bit I'm most worried about- their concern over my finishing my degree! I'm in my 3rd year of a 4 year degree course. And now I don't even know will I be able to finish it.

Does anyone know is it possible to take a year or 2 out in between 3rd and 4th year? I'd be able to finish this year as I wouldn't be due til later in the summer if my calculations are correct.. There is an element of work experience in our final year, I don't know would that effect it. Don't really want to discuss it with my course director before telling the boyfriend and parents but it would be nice to be able to tell them that I haven't completely ruined my education..

I don't even want to begin thinking about the financial implications of going ahead with the pregnancy (and there is no other option than going ahead with it- I couldn't go through with an abortion or adoption). My boyfriend will qualify this year but with the current job situation things aren't looking hopeful..

I'm sorry if this is a bit all over the place I'm just kind of up and down. One minute I'm ok and think I can handle this and all the changes to come and then on the other hand I'm terrified... This just isn't how I saw my life turning out...

Just re-read the post there, sorry if it seems like I'm focusing a lot on my college course but its just how my parents are about it.. Any words of advice about any aspect is much appreciated. Maybe I need a bit of perspective or something, its just I haven't talked about it with anyone yet.

Thanks for reading xxx

cafecolour

My parents got 3 Masters and 2 PHDs between them while raising 3 kids. Children can certainly make things take longer and be more complicated, but there's no reason they have to permanently derail your education.

It should definitely be possible to take at least one year out. I know several girls from my year who got pregnant at 19-20 and completed the course - one of them didn't even take any time off. Professors are usually sympathetic to situations like this and will try to help you out and give you advice, especially if you've been a good student so far.

Moonbeam

There are people on the parenting board that maybe able to help you with advice from experience.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies so far, especially from cafecolour- thats encouraging to hear.

Just still trying to get my head around it all, hasn't sunk in yet...

Nevyn

Firstly unplanned or not congratulations on your pregnancy.

Secondly crises pregnancy counselling is not just for those considering abortion or adoption it is also for those who are going to continue the pregnancy and you will get support and lots of helpful information. www.positiveoptions.ie

Thirdly there is a pregnancy sub forum to the parenting forum and you can post unregistered there also if you wish.

You are 22, I was 22 nearly 23 when I had my eldest and my Mam was the same age when she had me, your far from a teenager and while it maybe soon then you had hoped or planned for may this turn out to be a wonderful blessing for you and for your family.

There is a whole range of information out there about what supports are in place for you.
http://www.citizensinformation.ie/categories/birth-family-relationships/before-your-baby-is-born

Yes it is possible to take a year out and go back you will need to ask what the proceedure for defering for a year is for your college and most colleges have child care places too for students.

Many parents get dissapointed but mostly the get over it, esp when they get to see thier grandchild, it doens't mean that they don't love you one bit less but that they suddenly have a whole new range of fears and worries for you which they didnt' have before and they worry because they care.

Best think you can do is get as much information as you can so that when they as
how will you cope, you can tell them about the options and plans that you have,
not just you but you and your bf as a couple.

Yes it can all be bewildering, daunting and scarey but your having a baby which is new life it's not as if you are telling your parents that you have cancer/were expelled from college/or are facing imprisonment.

LegacyUser

Wow Thaedydal thanks a million your post was really helpful. Feeling a bit more reassured now.

I may head home sooner than planned, I think I'll feel better after getting it off my chest and especially after telling my boyfriend.

I really do appreciate all the help thank you all so much xxx

Ruthie_

Hey,

I was 21 and in college when I found out I was pregnant. Actually around this time of year too and like you it wasn't how I had planned my life to go! Telling my parents was also the scariest thought to me aswell! But once I told my mam everything just felt so much better, I can't stress this enough it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders. So I think the sooner you can tell your boyfriend and parents the better, just as you say not over the phone. They might find it shocking at first but they will come around to the idea, and it will only be because they're worried about you. Its natural.


And it wasn't the end of the world for me. I was very sick so didn't continue in college (HATED the course anyway ) but I'm going back this September to do something that I love so everything has worked out for me! I'm sure you'll be able to defer for a year if needs be. As a previous poster said children do make it a bit more tricky but you can still get your education.

Hope your alright and I know its scary but you will be alright, PM me if you need anything

Dark Phoenix

I am sure you will be able to take a year out of college - I know of friends who have taken a year out before their final year for various reasons - one just needed a break and some head space.
If it helps with telling your parents why not ask the college if its possible, you would not need to tell them the reason if its a general question sure for all they know you could be goign travelling or anything.
I think its lovely that you are so grateful to your parents for helping you with your education but remember they love you and this is not the end of the world for you or them.

bets of luck telling the parents and boyfriend I am sure it will be a weight off your chest

fend

Friend of mine is studying Law, in her final year, and had a baby in October after a concealed pregnancy, so imagine the shock she got when suddenly started getting aches and pain and then the next thing out pops baba... She is only 20 but is still continuing her course. Her lecturers and professors have been very obliging when it comes to retrieving notes and exams etc.

She's even decided to finish her law degree this year and intends on gettin more than a 2.1 so she go on and do MEDICINE! :eek:

Anything is possible if you put your mind to it.

tenchi-fan

Hi
Congrats on the pregnancy!
Don't forget it only lasts 9 months then you'll have a baby. It's pretty cool when you think about it.
You should probably just blurt it out to your parents and boyfriend. Hopefully they'll react well straight away but if they're anything like my parents you might have to give them a day or 2 until they get used to the idea.

Shivers26

Hi there

Congratulations on the pregnancy. I know its scary but you will be ok.

I fell pregnant at 15 and had my son when I was 16. I took half a year off school and went back the following Sept and finished 5th and 6th year with the rest of my class. I went on to college and did a 3 year degree (all with the nipper in tow) and then I started working full time. Moral of the story - anything is possible.

I did have some financial support from my parents and I lived at home while I finished my education. I got a childminder for my son and she took care of him for 5 years while I went to school and college. I'm not sure if your parents would be in a position to offer help. I know you feel they will be disappointed but this will pass and most importantly they love you and want to see you do well.

Just have some ideas about what you want to do and hopefully you will get that degree finished, I am sure your family will support you any way they can. I am now 27 and I have 2 children and am in a long term relationship and 2 years ago bought my own house. Its not always been easy but I wouldnt change anything about my life.

Good luck!

theg81der

Congrats! I had a miscarriage this year and for all your practical worries don`t forget that your lucky and its a wonderful thing. I waited for the right time etc and after what happened this year I wish I had just embraced the opportunities earlier and gone with life made more "mistakes" - there will never be a right time your parents will love their grandchild when they see him/her and all that other stuff will disappear.

garden

Firstly congratulations on your pregnancy. Things may very well seem scary but the hardest part in my experience is telling parents and dealing with their reactions but once the shock is gone for them your whole family will rally around you. Of course this may be a spanner in the works and you didn't expect to have this so soon in your future but isn't that the beauty of life.

You are going to be fine and everything will work out - though at times things might be a little tougher. I wish you the best with your pregnancy and once you have your baby you would not change anything for the world. I do agree things can be a little tricky and tougher but there is no motivation like looking into your child's eyes and wanting to provide the best future for them.

There are some fantastic parenting sites out there - rollercoaster.ie is brilliant, and you will find other mums in the same situation as yourself i.e. completing their education at the same time as pregnancy/parenting. Magicmum is also helpful.

Give yourself some time about thinking of the future - deal with the practical things like telling your boyfriend, your family, his family and friends - then consider your options in relation to your education - don't be stressing - sit down and talk to college and to your family about your options and what help you need to achieve your goal of completing college.

Best of luck!

toadfly

:DCongrats on your news, it may be unplanned but it is great news.

I took two years out of college, there was no problem mine was initially a two year course, I went on to do third year, got offered forth year but decided not to accept, all I had to do was re-apply the april before I wanted to go back as it was an add on. if your course is a straight through one then you will need to defer but there wont be a problem with that.

best of luck, it will be hard telling your parents but at the end of the day they get a grandchild, as long as ye are both fine thats all that matters.

MissHoneyBun

I'm sure you must be feeling quite overwhelmed at the moment OP so once you've taken a breath and come to terms with this yourself, these are probably a few practical things you may need to consider next.

1. Sit down with your boyfriend, talk, laugh and cry with him about it all.

2. Sit down with your parents and do the same.

3. Arrange a doctor's appointment

3. Arrange a meeting with a Student Council rep who will have gone through this many times before with other students and will be able to advise you about where to go, what to do and who to speak to about how best to finish your course.

It might all seem a bit much to take on right now but I'm sure once you get the initial practical things out of the way, you'll then be free to focus on looking after yourself and your new baby.