In love but there are issues

LegacyUser

Not sure what to make of it all....

My g/f's parents have no idea about me after 6 months. She's too afraid to tell them. Mine have met her. She says she will tell them in the near future but not sure she will. She says they will try split us and make life difficult. I'm beginning to think it best to say nothing to them but that ain't healthy as two adults. We shouldn't have to hide in the dark.

She doesn't like a couple of my friends and makes it clear. I feel awkward around those friends now.

We are long distance.

She freaks out about her parents finding out about me through my friends knowing ppl from her part of the country. She asks me to ask them to make sure not to say anything.

I get anxious and worried when she goes out. I don't know why. I don't think it's like me to be like this. I'm a very laid back and care free person. She's quite talkative and friendly even when men come onto her in my opinion. It's worries me sometimes. She asked me for permission to go for a drink with a friend today which shocked me...

My gut says it ain't healthy and is getting me down...

I have suggested a break to her a couple times. I'm worried about me to be honest and how I'm handling my emotions around it all. She doesn't want to leave me at all which is good I suppose. I really do love her but there are issues....

What would your advice be?

Miller Boy

You say you are long distance. How often do you meet up? My gut feeling when I read your post was that maybe she doesn't want her parents to know about because she may also be going out with someone else at home whom her parents know about.

I hope I'm completely wrong.

WesternNight

Miller Boy wrote: »

You say you are long distance. How often do you meet up? My gut feeling when I read your post was that maybe she doesn't want her parents to know about because she may also be going out with someone else at home whom her parents know about.

I hope I'm completely wrong.

Unfortunately I had the same first thought. But I hope there's a more innocent explanation.

LegacyUser

No, don't think it's a possibility. We see each other most wkends and have each other as other halves on fb... Her parents, according to her, gave her other siblings grief when it came to partners.

Just beginning to feel a bit lost with it all... Don't know what to think...

WesternNight

Op3939 wrote: »

No, don't think it's a possibility. We see each other most wkends and have each other as other halves on fb... Her parents, according to her, gave her other siblings grief when it came to partners.

Just beginning to feel a bit lost with it all... Don't know what to think...

Parents can be a pain in the arse sometimes. Do they have very high standards or have particular beliefs?

Maybe it's something going on at home that she doesn't want you to know about for fear of judgement/embarrassment.

Maybe sit her down and talk to her about it properly.

Good luck

Angus Og

"two adults"

Why is she so worried about what her parents think? Unless you are harming her in some way, it's none of their business. She needs to stand up to them and you should encourage her to. Otherwise this relationship is doomed.

pfishfood

It doesn't sound healthy at all.

Miller Boy wrote: »

You say you are long distance. How often do you meet up? My gut feeling when I read your post was that maybe she doesn't want her parents to know about because she may also be going out with someone else at home whom her parents know about.

I hope I'm completely wrong.

I had a similar thought as well, you should get your friends from that part of the country to try to find out. Also are these the friends that she doesn't like out of curiosity?

mobilecore

hhhhmmmm... wrote: »

... She asked me for permission to go for a drink with a friend today which shocked me...

Hmmm. Sounds a bit fishy if you ask me. Why need permission? I gather this is a male friend she was asking you about?
Remember, just because a person seems "honest and up front" about something - it can be to hide things (intentions) or to ease a persons conscience. You did say it shocked you.


So was this a male friend she was going out with?

Miller Boy

pfishfood wrote: »

It doesn't sound healthy at all.



I had a similar thought as well, you should get your friends from that part of the country to try to find out. Also are these the friends that she doesn't like out of curiosity?

Good point, Pfishfood. OP, if what she's saying is true, does it mean that they can never know about you or is there a time clause/limit to the whole situation? If she is telling you the truth, you're going to have to talk to her and get to the bottom of why they can't find out about you.

And I'm sure you realise that she's being very unfair to you.

Good luck.

LegacyUser

No, female...

Over the time we've gone out we've neglected our friends. I went out a couple times over Xmas and New Year's and she panicked because she felt alone and isolated at home. I feel guilty meeting with my friends and she says the same for hers.

I'm thinking of asking for a break to consider things. I think I need space.

Lousy timing I know but I'm not one to put a gloss over things. I wear my heart on my sleeve...

TitoPuente

Hmmmm, yeah. This isn't healthy at all. I'd love to know what she's hiding to be honest. Explain that you want a normal, healthy relationship and that you'll deal with however her parents react to you as that comes. If she's keeping you at arms length and creating a disconnect between her home life and you then you should probably consider ending it. Has she introduced you to her friends at all? Or are you just her 'dirty little secret' as such? If so, as I say, end it.

LegacyUser

Yeah, I know a few of her friends... See them rarely...

Angus Og

If that will help you, don't hesitate. You don't want to lose your mind over this. (I mean the break idea)

LegacyUser

Op3939 wrote: »

I feel guilty meeting with my friends and she says the same for hers.

That's not right and that is unhealthy.

I have great friends and if I felt bad about seeing them because I had a girlfriend, I would be asking myself some serious questions about my relationship. Is the guilt to do with having more fun with them than with her possibly?

What age is she?