how to break up with g/f

LegacyUser

iv been going out with my g/f for over a year, we live together but its not working for me anymore, my heart isnt in it but when i think of breaking up with her i feel sick, she is a wonderful person and doesnt deserve to be hurt and i feel like i cant do it.
i know it would be worse if i leave it go any longer but maybe i should sacrafice my happiness to make someone else happy.
if i do manage to do it im afraid that she will suggest a break or something like that but my gut and heart tell me its over so a break or another go would not do it any good.
as im writing this my stomach is in knots and i feel like i could throw up
what am i going to do? i cant bare to hurt her

Angus Og

Tell her it's over. You will have to hurt her, you have no choice. If you are already in knots about it, then it won't get much worse. It will be hell if you let it continue.

You aren't married to her, so let her go now before things become even more complicated.

Sephiroth_dude

Your just gonna have to man up and do it,its never an easy thing to do but if your heart aint in it you have to,its not fair on her.

colly10

Been there, the longer you leave it the worse it gets so do it now for both your sakes, especially hers

LegacyUser

Hi OP here
thanks I know your all right in what you say, I suppose I always knew what I have to do it's just so hard but it's not fair, I'm not a bad person but I will be if I drag it out, she doesn't deserve this.
Thanks

theg81der

Tell her not to waste time thinking if it was her becuase it really wasn`t, tell her she will easily meet someone wonderful but its not you. Tell her you wish you felt that way about her because she`s an amazing woman but you can`t help what you fell and you don`t want to disrespect her by wasting her time.

Basically just tell her quickly!

LegacyUser

i was in a similar boat with mt last one. With her for a year, and a great year. it started off like i was having doubts, then i realised similar to you my heart wasn't in it.

It is hard, but you should just open with how you feel, and say what you want to break up. Either it will go one of two ways, her telling you to leave straight away, or be prepared for questions as why it didn't work.that is the hard bit. telling someone you used to / still love that you can't be with her anymore. it will make you sick how much you hurt her but it is better then the alternative

spend longer with her, fights increasing as she can sense that your off, and you will have a horrible few months eventually until you end up breaking up with her.

if you do want to try, is there any way you can move out and take a step back commitment wise

LegacyUser

I'm in the same place as you.
I broke up with my boyfriend, but I feel like a terrible person for doing it. And because of that I told him that I'd be willing to give it another try. I know that's the wrong thing to do. But I'm really not cut out for this breaking up business, it's unbelievable how bad I feel, and how suddenly I now think mayb itll work if only we change, wheras last week i just wanted out. Basically I'm all over the place.
It's hard to do it when really...it's neither of yere faults, theres nobody to blame. It feels like you're almost breaking up for some flimsy reason. My heart isnt in it, but it's just so hard to hurt him, and I feel "you know, maybe i can deal with being unhappy". I must just gt out of it

Bottle_of_Smoke

Arrange to stay with friends/family for after you do it. Let her have some space to deal with it.

LegacyUser

This is one of those times where you have to be a bit selfish and think about what's right for you. I just broke up with my boyfriend of over a year last week...it was on my mind for about a month and finally I couldn't keep it up anymore. I feel awful right now keep randomly crying etc, he's in bits..I told him we need to leave each other alone for a while at least but got about 15 calls from him the other night.. Be prepared for that OP. I feel absolutely horrible and would give anything to feel differently so it could work with him, but you (or they) can't change. I probably would have given in by now but luckily I've learned from the experience of two of my best friends who went through similar break ups and both went back to give it a try because their boyfriends were so upset...all of them ended worse than they would have if they had stuck to their guns the first time. It's not an easy thing to do but it will be worth it in the end. Good luck x

Angus Og

same place wrote: »

I'm in the same place as you.
I broke up with my boyfriend, but I feel like a terrible person for doing it. And because of that I told him that I'd be willing to give it another try. I know that's the wrong thing to do. But I'm really not cut out for this breaking up business, it's unbelievable how bad I feel, and how suddenly I now think mayb itll work if only we change, wheras last week i just wanted out. Basically I'm all over the place.
It's hard to do it when really...it's neither of yere faults, theres nobody to blame. It feels like you're almost breaking up for some flimsy reason. My heart isnt in it, but it's just so hard to hurt him, and I feel "you know, maybe i can deal with being unhappy". I must just gt out of it

If your heart's not in it, that is the only reason you need to walk away.

mobilecore

Op
you're an ok guy. reading your post i can tell.
Break up with her and just tell it the way it is. As every day goes by you run the risk of meeting someone you might be interested in - and something could happen between you and a new girl - that would be cheating in your gf's eyes. Which is worse. Which would break her heart in two.

Break up
Do the right thing
Whats the alternative? as said above stay with her until someone else you want to be with comes along then breakup? ... that would crush a person more.

Dont use cliche lines like "its me, not you" - just tell her feelings have changed. She will get mad because thats the natural reaction. look past that. Again i keep going back to it, whats worse? being honest or the alternative.

LegacyUser

Hi OP here
thanks for all the advice everyone

i did it last night, i told her that my heart wasnt in it anymore and that for me the relationship had runs its course. the reaction i got was unexpected, she said very little. i said i was sorry for hurting her and she said it was ok, that these things happen. she said she was upset but she'd get over it. i think maybe she was putting on a brave face.

i feel horrible about it, i have an awful pain in my stomach, i feel like im goin to get sick.

its done anyway. i not sure how things are goin to work out from here on out. time will tell i suppose

Angus Og

You've done the right thing for both of you. You're not a bad person, and that horrible feeling will pass.