Please help

hitlersson666

ok i posted this as a reply to a question last week but i feel it needs its own thread!!!
Hi,
im 15 and my mother is a alcoholic. it has destroyed my life as well as hers sense i was 9 i was placed in a residential home for childere and sense then i've been through all coners off the system! i hope to move home soon as things seem ok but i never know what will happen! over it i hate foster care as it's depressing and makes me feel insecure and i used to self harm and cry myself to sleep. now lately i have been thinking of sucide as i see no hope for my future
why stay in a situtation i have no control in??
why stay under the control off others who get a kick out of it????
theres no support offered as well as alateen is not in cork!
alchol has f ucked up my life

even more ****ed up sometimes when im a home at the weekend i go drinking with my friends aware of what this could lead up to!
but its ireland theres no escape from alcohol!!!
over and out ,
Patrick

JuliusCaesar

Hello Patrick
although I can understand where you are coming from, there are aspects of your life which are under your control. Not least of which are 'going drinking with friends'. Can you not find some other interests? Sport, drama, singing, whatever? A club or organisation in Cork? epictetus comes to mind here: It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.

cafecolour

The website seems to list a lot of meetings you could try:
http://www.al-anon-ireland.org/Cork%20meetings.htm

Things definitely do get better. At 12 my cousin basically had no parental figures and started drink/pot and harder drugs. By 15 he was in the thick of it. Now he's 19 and doing much better - job, girlfriend, friends, spending the summer going to music festivals. He still has some battles - he still smokes enormous amounts of weed - but he's far happier and more together than he was at 15.

Another friend was raised by a single mother who was basically an alcoholic for the first half of his life, but then got it together, and they're both grand now.

As the poster above suggests, find a hobby to throw yourself into - join a sports club, make amateur movies, learn the guitar, etc. There's plenty of things to do besides drink, but it sometimes takes a bit effort to avoid the default choice.

tenchi-fan

Hi patrick - you'll be an adult in another few years and until then you'll just need to cope as much as possible.. have fun, meet new people, do well in school. you can play the blame game until you're 40 or you can try to move on with your life.. recognise where your mother went wrong and don't make the same mistakes.

A lot of Irish parents are s*it. My dad treated me like s*it but my mam spent her time making excuses for him. even now i don't want to see him because he puts me in bad form, even if it's just all the bad memories of him. My advice is somehow get a nice lifestyle set up that excludes your mother as much as possible and don't feel guilty over it because she had enough chances. Unfortunately some people are too selfish and stupid to be parents.

You just have to focus on getting "sorted" and it won't happen overnight: food, shelter, solid friendships, your own family, love and sex, a good education, a good job, etc

Victor

hitlersson666 wrote: »

why stay in a situtation i have no control in??

Well, over the next 2-3 years you will be getting more and more control over your live as you go from being a young adult to an adult.

Do you have anyone that you can talk to on a one to one basis? Whether its another family member or a teacher you can talk to or a counsellor? It think it would be useful for you to explain to them how you feel about some of the above issues.

LegacyUser

Hey, couldn't read your post and not reply.


Tbh I have no idea what its like to have an alcoholic parent or to be in foster care so I suppose I cant even begin to imagine what it is/would have like for you but I just wanted to say that suicide isn't even worth thinking about, yeah at 15 you don't have COMPLETE control of your life but that doesn't mean your completely worthless. You have control of how you deal with it all. You've got this far, of course you can make it a few more years til you have the choice to do whatever you want! Also the insecurity will fade, I was the most insecure person when I was 15 and as I got older it faded bit by bit by finding out who I really was not acting like the person I thought people wanted me to be.

I also think joining a club/special interest group would be great. What are your interests?

Hope your feeling a lot better now than you did when you started this thread

xxx