not 'strong' enough to break it off.

LegacyUser

I broke up with my boyfriend of over a year the other day. I had valid reasons, he was very clingy, I'm more independent, and he got sulky with me a lot over really little things.
He is a great guy, and I do love him, but i just feel like I was being emotionally blackmailed into being as he wanted (a cuddley, kissy, always wanting to be holding him type), and his jealousy made me anxious and even reluctant to even mention if i spoke to another guy for fear that he'd get moody.
When I broke up with him, he kept saying he'd change and we'd make this work, however, he's said the whole "i'll change" thing quite a few times before. When I said 'no' for good he burst out crying. And that's the bit i keep playing over and over in my head, and I can't stand it. He's one of the nicest guys I know, and I really really did not want to hurt him. I feel like a horrible person (even though i think it's worse the stay with him with my heart not fully in it), and I just want him to be happy. However, I know in making him happy, i sacrifice my own happiness. But I just keep thinking over when he burst out crying, and I just feel unbelievably upset about it.
We're meeting up just to talk things over in the next week. And I'm terrified that if he tries convincing me to get back with him, and is in an emotional state, that I wont be able to handle it, and take him back. Because right now, I know he's feeling awful and upset, and I feel on the verge of just doing anythign to make him happy. Because I don't feel that i am strong enough to hurt him and to see him like this, even though I know that it's just not fair to be leading him on in a relationship which he feels more for than me.
I'm not an assertive person at all, I never have been ever, and I find standing up for myself extremely difficult. I have been easily walked all over before, and don't know how to stop it.

Angus Og

Emotionally blackmailed is the perfect way to describe it. You're letting him bully you, and that has to stop. You can't have a relationship if one of the people involved lives in fear, it's that simple.

It would be a good idea if you called off the meeting, then he can cry all he wants without you seeing him. You broke up with him and that's the way it should stay.

MIN2511

I think it's too soon to 'meet up' and discuss things. You need time apart, no phone calls, no text messages and after 6-8wks you can meet up and discuss the relationship.
tbh i don't see the point in meeting up to discuss the relationship unless there's a possibility of getting back together.

TitoPuente

I'd agree with the above. If you do meet up then use it as an opportunity to explain that you should take time apart and get on with your lives. If he bursts into tears or whatever, just let him. He needs to grow up and be a man for God's sake. It all sounds very dysfunctional so ending it and cutting off all contact until both your heads are in a better place and you're ready to be just friends (if that is even possible) is the only way to go.

Toto Wolfcastle

He is upset now, but he will be happy again some day. These things take time. However, if you keep in contact with him you may be giving him false hope, and the healing process will take longer. You were strong enough to break up with him, so you are strong enough to ignore any suggestions he makes about getting back together.

Believe me, if you really don't want to get back together with him, and if you really want him to be able to move on, staying in contact is the last thing you should do.

If you are going to meet up with him this week, keep the meeting short. Explain why you don't think you should be with him. Explain that you will not be changing your mind. Try not to allow the fact that he is upset to sway you. He is bound to be upset, but he will get over it in time.

It sounds very cold, but right now he needs to realise that you are serious, otherwise there is a danger that he might continue to contact you with suggestions of getting back together.

pfishfood

Angus Og wrote: »

Emotionally blackmailed is the perfect way to describe it. You're letting him bully you, and that has to stop. You can't have a relationship if one of the people involved lives in fear, it's that simple.

It would be a good idea if you called off the meeting, then he can cry all he wants without you seeing him. You broke up with him and that's the way it should stay.

I tend to agree that it sounds like emotional blackmail being on the receiving end of it is not a pleasant experience. i think if you meet up next week you'll probably get more of the same including the i cant live without you crap. Its a feeble and in my opinion nasty way of staying in a relationship, there's no love there at least for you.

You have already broken up with him so that's the hard part. I wouldn't meet up with him as has already been said its way too early. Id say move on and break all contact. I hope it goes well for you