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coming out to friend

  • 06-02-2010 10:31pm
    #1
    hitlersson666
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,544 ✭✭✭


    ok me and my ex girlfriend are like bff and well now that im bi im wondering if i should tell her? the problem is though that she is like convinced that im gay??? :eek::eek: suggestions please


Comments

  • #2
    Boston
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,163 ✭✭✭✭Boston


    The problem (There are actually loads of issues with coming out to people but this one comes to mind), is that people then feel it's their place to tell you what they think of it. You say the problem is that she's convinced you're gay, that means she's likely to argue with you over your sexuality. Personally I find that business very trying.

    Ask yourself why you want to tell this girl? What are you hoping the achieve and then come out or not in a way which is most likely to bring about that aim. If you want to increase the closeness of your friendship then providing her with an opportunity to challenge you over your sexuality may be counter productive.


  • #3
    ajxx
    Closed Accounts Posts: 26 ✭ajxx


    hitlersson666 wrote: »
    ok me and my ex girlfriend are like bff and well now that im bi ?? :eek::eek: suggestions please

    Now that your bi?

    As someone who spent ages mulling over bi / straight / gay and playing a bit It sounds like ya might have a little more thinking to do with yourself before talking....


  • #4
    Boston
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,163 ✭✭✭✭Boston


    "I think, therefore I am". Can you have a sexuality before you've thought about it?

    I don't get the problem Ajax. Leaving a side the arguement that sexuality is fluid and they you can identify as different things at difference stages in your life, at some point you you're going to decide "yea, I.m gay/bi/straight". People aren't born with the answers.


  • #5
    ajxx
    Closed Accounts Posts: 26 ✭ajxx


    Shes convinced hes gay -

    Its safe to assume she thought at one point he was straight -

    He is identifying as bi (but apparently its new "now that im bi") -

    And while Im perfectly aware of peoples perception of their sexuality being fluid, I think most of us would agree that we didnt "turn" straight or gay or bi.... The words "now that im" appear akin to "shes turned gay"... which opens a whole new discussion.

    I imagine it will open a whole can of worms to go to her, outing himself but insisting "I'm bi, not gay", if it develops into a disagreement and subsequently he realises hes actually gay/straight?


  • #6
    Boston
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,163 ✭✭✭✭Boston


    I think you're reading to much into the use of the word now. I took it as meaning "Now that I realise I'm bi-sexual". You suggest he shouldn't come out of someone in case he might turn around in months/years to come and realise he's gay or straight, that's fair enough, people will want him to be absolutely certain of his sexuality and answer all the questions they've probably never thought to ask themselves. That said, sometimes taking the next step is the only way to be ready for the next step.


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  • #7
    hitlersson666
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,544 ✭✭✭hitlersson666


    im 15 i dont know everything??????????????????????????????????


  • #8
    Boston
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,163 ✭✭✭✭Boston


    Oh, relax. Wait. No rush.


  • #9
    hitlersson666
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,544 ✭✭✭hitlersson666


    sorry but what i orginally meant was that i came out to my self(i always knew i fancied men???????????????????????????) but anyway i said it to a diff friend who's reply was ''sorz byt they make me yukki'' anyway i then explaned by text that im not(long story) anyway i'll shall be heading into the closet for a long long long time :)


  • #10
    Annasopra
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 41,158 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    hitlersson666 wrote: »
    sorry but what i orginally meant was that i came out to my self(i always knew i fancied men???????????????????????????) but anyway i said it to a diff friend who's reply was ''sorz byt they make me yukki'' anyway i then explaned by text that im not(long story) anyway i'll shall be heading into the closet for a long long long time :)

    You're 15 - Take your time and enjoy life, don't get stressed over friends reactions

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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