ok to move on?

LegacyUser

please hear me out because i know im going to sound like a tool here.
im going out with a girl and the relationship is pretty much dead in my eyes, my heart isnt in it anymore. its been like that for a while, im planning on ending it very soon. thing is about a month ago i started texting this girl i knew and have been doing do ever since, we get on really well, we share a circle of friends so see each other quite a bit.
now to me the other relationship is gone, has been in my mind for a while so i think in a way i have moved on mentally,or am starting to at least. the thing is i want to be with this other girl but im afraid that the texting and hanging out will soon result in being put in the friend pile and then no chance of any possible romance.
shouldi keep texting/having fun with her or should i calm it down a bit?

jellyboy

hi op
only you have the answers....

the mind can overtake the heart and rule it.....

i was listening to tom dunnes show last week...and their was a problem being posed to a agony type person which had similar traits to your prob....


the answer given sumed it up for me...

the grass isnt greener on the other side its to do with seeking wat we want to leave behind...its still there but just dont want to work on it...(sumed up )

Angus Og

End it as soon as possible.

MIN2511

End the 'dead' relationship and ask her out.

I don't see the problem here?


Or do you want to keep the 'dead' relationship while dating?

LegacyUser

OP here,
thanks for the replies
ya see when i end the dead relationship i dont want to ask the other girl out straight away incase it looks like a rebound thing, i think i should leave it a little while(maybe im wrong on this) but im afriad if i leave it too long that because of the texting etc that il fall into the friend pile. hope that makes sense.

Angus Og

Yes, but you wouldn't be on the rebound if you're serious when you say that the other relationship has been over for a long time in your mind.

Don't keep the first any longer, it's not fair on her. And then explain to the second how you feel and that it's not just a whim.

MIN2511

moving on wrote: »

OP here,
thanks for the replies
ya see when i end the dead relationship i dont want to ask the other girl out straight away incase it looks like a rebound thing, i think i should leave it a little while(maybe im wrong on this) but im afriad if i leave it too long that because of the texting etc that il fall into the friend pile. hope that makes sense.

Dude, just break up with your gf now.

Rebound or not what will happen will happen, i know someone who started dating her current bf the day she finished with her ex and it's working for them.

Don't use it as an excuse; honestly i think you just want to play the field and see if things work out between the two of you before dumping your gf. Which sounds irresponsible and immature

LegacyUser

MIN2511 wrote: »

Don't use it as an excuse; honestly i think you just want to play the field and see if things work out between the two of you before dumping your gf. Which sounds irresponsible and immature

honestly i dont want to play the field, i suppose im kinda waiting to find out if this other girl likes me or not. iv been hurt before and dont want it to happen again i suppose. even though either way im breaking up with my current girlfriend. am i a total idiot?

Angus Og

Forget the future and do the right thing with the present. You have to tell her you want out of the relationship. You might not feel too good anyway, once you break up with this one. Does she know what's coming?

LegacyUser

im not sure if she can see it coming, i think she might think something is wrong but that could be me being hyper sensitive. there are a few issues that have stopped me breaking up with her so far, we goin away for a break in a few days and its all she talks about, we live in same house and im not in a position to really move out for certain reasons.

Angus Og

You really are in trouble. To be honest, you should not delay breaking up with her, because I can't see how this is going to be easier when you return. She might well explode, but better now than later.

MIN2511

moving on wrote: »

honestly i dont want to play the field, i suppose im kinda waiting to find out if this other girl likes me or not. iv been hurt before and dont want it to happen again i suppose. even though either way im breaking up with my current girlfriend. am i a total idiot?

moving on wrote: »

im not sure if she can see it coming, i think she might think something is wrong but that could be me being hyper sensitive. there are a few issues that have stopped me breaking up with her so far, we goin away for a break in a few days and its all she talks about, we live in same house and im not in a position to really move out for certain reasons.

Dude; your whole post just reads CALCULATING and devious.

Am sorry, but this is the picture you're painting.

You have a gf, things aren't working out, you want to break up with her but you don't because you live in the same house with her, ye are going on holidays in a few days. And basically you can't afford to move out...

You fancy a girl, you'd like to see things through with this girl when you break up with your current gf(actually you'd like to start dating this girl before you break up with your gf) just to see if ye get on...

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Dude, please tell me you're joking?
Because it's either you're trolling or you're just some very mean person!

MIN2511

MIN2511 wrote: »

Dude; your whole post just reads CALCULATING and devious.

Am sorry, but this is the picture you're painting.

You have a gf, things aren't working out, you want to break up with her but you don't because you live in the same house with her, ye are going on holidays in a few days. And basically you can't afford to move out...

You fancy a girl, you'd like to see things through with this girl when you break up with your current gf(actually you'd like to start dating this girl before you break up with your gf) just to see if ye get on...

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Dude, please tell me you're joking?
Because it's either you're trolling or you're just some very mean person!

I doubt it's a joke - my ex was exactly like this. Wouldn't dump one girl until he was sure he had a foot in the door with the next candidate, so to speak. Would say things were over but wouldn't actually break it off without the 'safety net'. OP, you said you're not doing this but it seems to me like you are...

mobilecore

Op,
i'm not going to chew the balls off you :P cause i have no right.
But my opinion just like a few users above is that you are using your current GF ... you want to see how things will go with the new girl before dumping.

You wouldnt like that been done to you. So why do it to others. Do the right thing and break up with your girlfriend and then see whats what with the other girl. Dont just want to have your cake and eat it.
"Never break peoples hearts. Unless its the one who broke yours" - your current gf hasnt broken your heart. Feelings on your side have just winded down. Do the right thing. Break up. You wouldnt want any girl doing this to you.

LegacyUser

You should break up as soon as you can. DONT start going out with the other girl straight away. give yourself a few weeks, like 5-8 not 2-3 of being single. otherwise it will bite you in the ass. you won't start the new relationship in a propper way, you will be tired and drained from your previous relationship and you won't have the strength in the long run to give the next girl a decent shot

on your worry, it wouldn't be a rebound,