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Am I gay??!

  • 06-02-2010 12:24pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hey Im a 26 year old guy. For many years Ive had gay fantasies. never acted on them, but had them on a daily basis to the point that I presumed I must be gay. At the same time I do find women attractive but guys were kind of taboo so it was more interesting (at first) and the gay thing kind of took over. to the point where i havent bothered having a relationship with a woman in the last few years. I would look at guys around town much more so than at women. At the same time no one would ever suspect me of being gay

    Recently, ive been fantasising more about women. Kissed more than a few on nights out but no more. But still presumed I was probably gay.2 days ago I arranged to meet a guy for no strings fun. a big step for me. But I didnt enjoy it, wasnt turned on by it. Definitely got more pleasure from previous encounters with women. Not really interested in trying again.

    Basically my question is WTF?! I was just about becoming used to the idea of being gay, and now I find I dont really like it. any thoughts? feel like I have to start over with who I think I am


Comments

  • #2
    Angus Og
    Closed Accounts Posts: 401 ✭✭Angus Og


    If you get sexual pleasure from encounters with women, then I'm not sure you're gay. Maybe your homosexual fantasies led you off track. After all, most people's fantasies never live up to reality. Have you some sort of issues with men in your past? You could be mistaking them for homosexuality.


  • #3
    ChocolateRamses
    Closed Accounts Posts: 79 ✭✭ChocolateRamses


    I don't think sexuality is digital. By which I mean I think there are people who are only into members of the opposite sex, but there are also people whoa re into members of both genders, or just their own gender, there are people who enjoy watching certain kinds of porn (be it gay/bi/straight), but that taste/interest doesn't reflect their actually sexual orientation.

    Basically the fact that you may fantasise about other guys doesn't necessarily mean you're homosexual/bisexual. As has clearly been borne out by your experience.

    Basically I wouldn't be so worried about trying to label your sexuality. Maybe you're into guys, maybe you're not, maybe you'll never try this again, maybe you will, whatever the case, it doesn't have to define you.


  • #4
    Msirishbell
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27 ✭Msirishbell


    Hey,

    No one can answer that question for you, no matter how much you wish they could and I know that from experience. My advice would be that you don't have to put yourself in a box, just see where things take you and don't rule anything out, you'll know what feels right when it happens.


  • #5
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Bisexuality if when a person sexually attracted to both men and women.
    Sexuality is more fluid for some people then others and it is not a case of being gay or not.


  • #6
    cafecolour
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,328 ✭✭✭cafecolour


    Well, I'm gay and have had plenty of experiences with men that didn't turn me on at all. Being attracted to men doesn't mean you are attracted to ALL men, and arranging a random NSA with a guy (off the internet?) probably isn't the best guarantee of a good experience in particular.

    Conversely, you may have built up this fantasy of 'gay' that was distanced from the specifics. It's one thing to have a great craic with a mate and want to hang out, it's another to have his dick in your mouth ;)

    I'd say take a look at one you actually **** to. What sort of guys/girls do you fantasize about? What sort of interactions?


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  • #7
    AvaKinder
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 271 ✭✭AvaKinder


    No one can tell you whether you're gay or not. Only you can know that and unfortunately sometimes you may not be able to figure it out.

    As someone who's known I was attracted to boths sexes from a very young age (before puberty/crushes etc), I often find myself fluctuating. Sometimes I'll be with a guy and feel nothing, and I start to wonder if I'm actually a lesbian. Other times I'm with a girl and wonder if I could be straight. Mostly I find it's more about the person I'm actually with.

    I wouldn't worry too much about labelling yourself. If you meet someone you really like and you find them attractive gender shouldn't really matter.

    Also, many people fantasise about doing stuff and find that while the fantasy gets them off the reality is too much for them and doesn't have the same effect.


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