being naive? or living in the real world?

LighterGuy

(I posted this in the relationships thread but was told its better suited here - i'll just copy and paste)


I'd like to talk about a serious topic if thats ok with the moderators and members.

The question I am bringing up is well, doing the right thing? or realising people can be just out for themselves? ... how to live our lives in dating/relationships in this world.
Personally, i've always tried to do the right thing in relationships. To be respectful and understanding of others. To believe them. But what about realising that the world is not really a nice place sometimes. That people can be the same.
I guess what I am saying is how to handle yourself in a relationship in this world? ... lets take certain threads on here for example (in the relationship issues thread) Generally if its a detailed one you will have members on either side of the coin. Showing multiple views on a situation. Some say to be understanding to the other half while others have realistic world views (to not get used or fooled)

if we want to talk about examples i've read:
Say a boyfriend is flirting with another girl ... some people say its only harmless flirting and dont worry. others say he isn't that much into his gf.
or if a couple breaks up and a few days later one of them sleeps with another person and doesnt see an issue. some say "well they were single!" - others say "well, thats bad, they obviously didnt care much. good riddence."

i dont know if i've made my self clear on this one. i'm speaking from the heart. about people. about relationships. From people giving advice, but more so being in them.

How do you live your life in this world of dating? be respectful and believe blindly in someone? or have the real world attitude that you match what they say to their actions?
Pausing and taking time to write this thread I guess its about being trusting, naive or being realistic. But what is trust? Is it best to only trust someone as much as they've earned? Not to be "untrusting" - but realistic.
Alot of people will say your "paranoid" or insecure but in todays world is it best to just only trust someone as much as they have earned? you wouldnt trust a lair - because they proved they are not trush worthy.

Thoughts please.

Eliot Rosewater

In my opinion a lot of people are in relationships not so much for the person but for the bond itself. You see, people aren't terribly unique. If your going out with a person you could just as easily be going out with 100 alternatives.

Thats just my experience and opinion, by the way, so its not gospel.

I think one of the main reasons people gamble with their partners by cheating is because the stakes aren't that high. If they lose them its not the end of the world. Theres plenty of more fish in the sea, and plenty of those fish look and act very much the same. The other fish will offer you the same thing.

And it all comes down to the eternal conflict between wanting to be in a relationship and plain lust.


My trust in my "other half" generally comes from the fact that our relationship is unique (in my opinion, although I can substantiate it), and the things that that relationship offers me has made me slightly dependent. In other words, theres too much to risk by frisky behavior so I would never do anything.

So thats one theory on the origins of "trust".

Valmont

I guess you don't subscribe to The Notebook school of romance then Eliot:p

Eliot Rosewater

To subscribe to that school I would have to first find out what its about, and thats something my dignity will not permit

miec

pausing and taking time to write this thread I guess its about being trusting, naive or being realistic. But what is trust? Is it best to only trust someone as much as they've earned? Not to be "untrusting" - but realistic.
Alot of people will say your "paranoid" or insecure but in todays world is it best to just only trust someone as much as they have earned? you wouldnt trust a lair - because they proved they are not trush worthy.

Hi Op

In my opinion relationships are hard work but also worthwhile when they work. I believe that trust has to be earned, I used to be in the camp of trust until it is broken, and in my experience, I was wrong and paid a number of prices for it. I think that most of us really want to be good, caring, etc and I don't doubt that most people sincerely believe they are trying their best ... but... I believe we are self serving and in essence we have to be but that is not a bad thing. To put your heart on the line and not protect it in any way is dangerous and you are asking for trouble but equally to be too hard and cynical and to close the heart means your life will become small and biter. It's about finding the balance between protecting yourself but remaining open, hence why relationships are so bloody hard. How do you find that balance?

I think when you meet someone intially you have to have a getting to know each other period but here's the paradox, when you first meet someone it's the romantic, crazy loved up period, so your head is clouded with hormones and desire and it is difficult to be rational and the early stage is where we collapse our boundaries, it is only after a period of time do you see each other warts and all, but by then maybe you are living together or married or have kids and you have developed a trust on very shaky ground. So I guess or I have learned to try and keep a level head despite the hormones.

To your other point about how some people react one way to an issue and others the complete opposite, I think it all comes down to how you see things. For instance I am of the belief that if a couple break up, one has an encounter with another very quickly, I think well its ok, they are broken up, I also see it as a rebound thing too. Many people look for someone else quickly because the end of a relationship has knocked their confidence and they want to prove they are attractive so they hook up with someone else.

I think the only thing anyone can do is take responsibility for their own behaviour and reactions to events. I have learned that you can't change others but you can change how you act towards or perceive a certain incident.

Eliot Rosewater

Eliot Rosewater wrote: »

My trust in my "other half" generally comes from the fact that our relationship is unique (in my opinion, although I can substantiate it)

I would just like to clarify that I meant "is unique" not "is not unique" as I had originally said! Otherwise I dont think the sentence made much sense...


(The joys of having people watch you on Boards )

(Sorry for the bump )

Valmont

Eliot Rosewater wrote: »

To subscribe to that school I would have to first find out what its about, and thats something my dignity will not permit

Well you know as much as I do in that case:D

OS119

my own view is that being naive and being untrusting are two sides of the same coin - an inability/unwillingness to continuously make decisions based on what you see around you, as well as an unwillingness/inability to actually look at what is happening around you...

trust is earned (few people would leave their kids with a complete stranger just because that person said they were trustworthy), but its also true that most people - and i only exclude the genuinely mentaly ill - do have an inate trust/belief in the basic decency of others (99.99% of us would believe that if we asked a stranger to call for an ambulance as we ran into a house they would do so, and hang around for it to appear) so we face a complex and fluid situation of waryiness and faith.

i would advocate a path of 'enlightented selfishness' - one needs to be switched on the the possibility that you're getting screwed over, but also the principle that in a genuine couple what is good for one is probably good for the other, and what's good for the couple is probably good for the two individuals.

its a difficult mix, but life is difficult - and only keeping your eyes open and continuously making decisions based on what you see is going to make it easier.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

Zombrex

Two questions to live by

1) Is what you are doing going to hurt the person you are in a relationship with?

2) Do you care if it does?

If you are doing something that you know is going to hurt your partner but you don't care, say for example because either you or your partner is a psycho-crazy person, fair enough but you should probably ask yourself why you are in a relationship with someone you don't care if you hurt.

The only thing I can't stand is when people do something they know will hurt their partner and then act all surprised and shocked and hurt themselves when they do, "I'm really really sorry I slept with that hooker, I had no idea I loved you so much till you left me" sort of thing.

mobilecore

donegalfella wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

I guess I would feel the same
However I feel that most people get into relationships, as Eliot Rosewater said, for the bond and not the person. Aka alot of it so they are not single.
I think that you have to see if your partner truly wants you. If you get the impression he/she is just with you cause it takes the sting out of being single or nothing better. Bail. You will just get hurt.

I agree with the OP. Trust IS earned. Never give it. There is a big difference between trusting someone when there is nothing going on (because they havent earned any distrust)- and foolishingly "trusting" someone when you have those gut feelings something is not right about a particular situation. Never believe what a person says. Back what they say up against their actions. Actions speak louder than words.
For example, Its like if you were dating a person and they give their phone number out to someone they shouldnt have (a member of the opposite sex who is flirting with them) - you question them, they say "its only friendship" - listen to your gut. The action speaks louder than what they say.

I think I am going to refer back to this thread in my next relationship. If things aint going well, which for the love of god I dont want another failed one, i will consult this :P

mobilecore

mobilecore wrote: »

Never believe what a person says. Back what they say up against their actions. Actions speak louder than words.

I kinda agree with this.. Talk is cheap. However, I tend to give people a decent amount of trust initially, and if they abuse it, then they have to work hard to get it back again. But then thats affected by 13 years working as a credit controller.. having people lie to you every day as part of your job, gives you a special relationship with lies, and deceit.

My first two relationships were "open" where I knew what i was getting myself into. Although knew is a bit strong since you never really do until you experience it for yourself. Both were strippers and it was a steep learning curve, layered with mines everywhere. Taught me not to bring any fantasies or unreality into a relationship. They don't last, and tend to tarnish your perceptions. Been there, and will never willingly go into that again.

Since then, I've been cheated on a few times. I, myself have never cheated on someone. Plenty of opportunities, but I've always believed that if you wanted someone else, then the relationship was essentially over anyway, and things would be less complicated if you broke up.

When I start dating someone with any seriousness, I lay down to basic rules. If they want someone else, we break up. No pricking around. No hard feelings. Honesty all the way. Some girls can't handle it, and split at the beginning, but most stick it out. But i prefer the solid baseline to start with. It was only when i didn't do this that I had my experiences being cheated on. If I want to date plenty of girls at the same time, then I tell them. Its not hard to meet new girls, so its better to be honest. So if i'm seeing 2-3 girls at the same time, I'm honest, and all will know. But then they probably doing the same, but i'm the one admitting it. But it does help to remove suspicion or "ownership" issues.

However, with the exception of serial cheaters, I think cheating isn't particularly evil. Its a sign that one party is not being treated correctly in a relationship. Too many people pull out all the stops while dating, and then get lazy after they start going "steady". Girls stop dressing nice, no more makeup, no sexy outfits, etc.. guys drop the romance, are always working, spend more time watching football than checking out their girl etc. I fully believe that a serious amount of the cheating that goes on could be avoided simply by paying more attention to their partner rather than the general apathy/laziness that develops over time.

Laziness or lack of interest in partners is probably the greatest killer to a relationship both from my own experience, and from watching friends relationships. It forces people apart. basically, after a while, people start considering romance to be a big effort, and thats part of the problem. It shouldn't be an effort but rather something intertwined with the relationship from day one to year 40. People need to feel appreciated and loved in a relationship...

Was thinking about this during my shower. Its worth throwing in the cultural differences regarding relationships as well.

I have limited experience of Irish women. TBH the pain I received from untrusting and broken relationships prior to 30 all came from Irish women, so much so, that I've tended to avoid them over the last few years. Therefore I've focused more on women from other countries..

We tend to believe that there is a universal truth regarding relationships and cheating. But not every culture or country has the same perception of it. the following are stereotypes based on my experience, but stereotypes nonetheless. I've met wonderful women and complete harridans from every country.

Spanish people have a rather open view to relationships getting together and breaking up dozens of times before they get serious. I've found that from a European angle they're the most likely to be "unfaithful". Not because their partner hasn't been attentive, but more for a desire to experience more before they settle down. Thai women are a lot more pragmatic about relationships, seeing them more as a financial or practical meeting than something about desire or love. I almost married a half-thai/half-chinese girl, and believe me there's something very different about the cultural attitude to relationships with non-thai/non-chinese. On the flip side, I've found chinese mainland girls to be particularly faithful to their partners.. although the chinese men fully believe they're entitled to mistresses as part of tradition, and don't see it as cheating.. Of course, it all goes out the window when these peoples enter the west and are exposed to western culture.

The point I'm seeking to make is that the perceptions of relationships, trust, faithfulness etc. all differ depending on the cultural background (and religion) of the people entering it. In this day and age, mixed relationships are seriously more common, and to ignore these differences will generate definite abuses of trust and respect. Basically all relationships need continued attention and work to succeed, and those with different cultures need more than any other.

miec

I think cheating isn't particularly evil. Its a sign that one party is not being treated correctly in a relationship. Too many people pull out all the stops while dating, and then get lazy after they start going "steady". Girls stop dressing nice, no more makeup, no sexy outfits, etc.. guys drop the romance, are always working, spend more time watching football than checking out their girl etc. I fully believe that a serious amount of the cheating that goes on could be avoided simply by paying more attention to their partner rather than the general apathy/laziness that develops over time.

Laziness or lack of interest in partners is probably the greatest killer to a relationship both from my own experience, and from watching friends relationships. It forces people apart. basically, after a while, people start considering romance to be a big effort, and thats part of the problem. It shouldn't be an effort but rather something intertwined with the relationship from day one to year 40. People need to feel appreciated and loved in a relationship...

Here, here, excellent point and one I would agree with.

Eliot Rosewater

donegalfella wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

But surely selfish reasons will only sustain a relationship up to a point?

If you're traveling abroad without your partner there is ample opportunity for you to betray their trust - without them finding out. It would seem that cheating here would be in your selfish interests as you would get all the sexual pleasure you desire without impacting upon the benefits of your partner at home. (Ignoring the negative impacts of a conscience, of course).

So does having a respect for you partner and your relationship,and abstaining in situations described above, require more than pure self-interest?

mobilecore

To be honest...
I'm just getting sick of the whole dating thing.

Not everyone is the same, but alot of people date someone just so they arent single. stay with them. not really being into them. Then, will either cheat or "play their cards" with someone else behind their partners back then break up if things are working out.

Loyality... respect. These things are hard to find in a relationship.

mobilecore

Deleted User wrote: »

My first two relationships were "open" where I knew what i was getting myself into. Although knew is a bit strong since you never really do until you experience it for yourself. Both were strippers and it was a steep learning curve, layered with mines everywhere. Taught me not to bring any fantasies or unreality into a relationship. They don't last, and tend to tarnish your perceptions. Been there, and will never willingly go into that again.

I was dating a girl who I found out was becoming more and more interested in the "swinging" fantasy - but denied any interest in it. She originally hid that she had older friends who were married and swingers who were trying to make her explore bisexuality and inviting to "parties" (the older man was married to a bisexual wife .. fitting wasnt it ) - When I learned about him. i was respectful and asked if she wanted that? she said no. god no. (I couldnt be interested in that. But wanted honesty) I told her the obvious facts, all the couple wanted was her to sleep with him and his wife. she says she thought they were her friends and said she realised and stopped talking to them. 2 months later she became friends with another "older man" with ties to the swinging lifestyle. then she cheated on me. Claming she met him on the "luas" randomly one evening giving him her number.

I think this is a future proof to the whole "judge someone on their actions" for me - from reading the above of what i write, taking myself out of the situation and looking at it from a 3rd person view, my logic tells me a person who is "intrigued" by that wants anything but a relationship. Despite what they say. As i was proved later on I believed her when she said she didnt. Like a fool. She was 19 and the older couple was 34/35 - being in a relationship with a 19year old is a red flag in itself to wanting something serious (i was 24) but more so what would a 19yo woman have in common with a 34/35 year old married swinging couple when their lifestyle was all they seemed to talk about. Spending time "in their house watching movies" (makes me think what kind of movies now?) I only learned of all the above the 4th month into the relationship. Talk about me being blind. The other older man was in his 30s aswell.. we had a fight over him when she let it slip the topic of sex was talking about on a phone call. 4 days later she slept with him. Only the second time she met the man "accordingly"

mobilecore

mobilecore wrote: »

To be honest...
I'm just getting sick of the whole dating thing.

Not everyone is the same, but alot of people date someone just so they arent single. stay with them. not really being into them. Then, will either cheat or "play their cards" with someone else behind their partners back then break up if things are working out.

I'm back in Ireland just over a year now, and I've had three "dates" with Irish women, and four with Asian women living here. None have been particularly interesting, and two have been outright offensive in their attitudes. I guess at 32 I'm too tired with the Irish mentality to dating. There's an almost harsh edge of desperation in the Irish dating scene. I've found it rather difficult to adjust back to it after living so long abroad.

Its the same with the bar/club scene. Its all so pretentious and overly desperate. Ever see the frenzy that takes people from around 2 am to 2.30 am? I remember it being like that for guys years ago, but now it seems equality have included women with the desire for any sort of companionship at the end of the night.

TBH, for the most part I've given up expecting to meet someone in this country. At least through the normal channels, although I do hold out some help through introductions by friends.

Loyality... respect. These things are hard to find in a relationship.

Very true.. although I would suggest they're easier to find outside of Ireland. I don't mean to bash Irish people by saying this, but personally I've found the dating scene to be rather... nasty. As if people are seeking ways to hurt each other rather than seeking actual companionship. Even the sex is rather mechanical and impersonal.

I'll be leaving the country again in roughly 6 months and I'll be happy to go from a personal pov. Sure, the need for work is part of it, but I'm at the age where I can't afford to waste too much time on dead ends. And I'm getting the feeling both from my own experiences, and from those of my single friends (both Irish/foreign and male/female) that there's not much to look forward to here.

I realise you spoke about relationships, but I haven't met anyone since I came back that warranted such attention... dating here I do know.

Zombrex

Eliot Rosewater wrote: »

But surely selfish reasons will only sustain a relationship up to a point?

If you're traveling abroad without your partner there is ample opportunity for you to betray their trust - without them finding out. It would seem that cheating here would be in your selfish interests as you would get all the sexual pleasure you desire without impacting upon the benefits of your partner at home. (Ignoring the negative impacts of a conscience, of course).

So does having a respect for you partner and your relationship,and abstaining in situations described above, require more than pure self-interest?

You are ignoring guilt. A lot of people don't like to feel bad about doing stuff they feel guilty about, such as cheating.

Granted a lot of people require at least one experience before they realize tha they will feel guilty afterwards

Wicknight

Wicknight wrote: »

You are ignoring guilt. A lot of people don't like to feel bad about doing stuff they feel guilty about, such as cheating.

Granted a lot of people require at least one experience before they realize tha they will feel guilty afterwards

I have to admit thats one of the main reasons I've never cheated on anyone. I know that I would feel guilt about it, and from a personal pov thats something worth avoiding. Enough regrets in my life without adding more.

But I know others who feel no guilt when they cheat, rationalising it away on some pretense and doing it repeatedly until they get caught (a few times in each relationship), before moving on to the next person... I think these people get hooked on cheating.. Its not a relationship they really want, but the danger associated with cheating.

mobilecore

I think people cheating comes down to two camps - 1, getting greedy or 2, probably more so the person being not to much into their partner.

Over the last two months, at age 25, im starting to wisen up to the world. Lets not sugarcoat things. People all have built-in selfish desires. People date people because they dont want to be single. Some have the approach of not starting a relationship until its with someone that they are really interested in. But I think the majority just take anyone who ticks a few boxes of the dating critiera eg, slim ... - same age ... alright looking - seeming to be the only ones that matter.


Actually, to take the thread in a different direction. Since there can be so much deception in relationships. Is it really wrong to test someone? or to find out if their intentions match what they say?
Say if someone tells me a lie, not a white lie but a lie that is bad. Is it wrong for me to stoop to a level to find out if they are telling the truth? .. like im not talking anything seriously low lol. But say if my gut instinct is saying its a lie. Is it really wrong to find the truth?

mobilecore

mobilecore wrote: »

But say if my gut instinct is saying its a lie. Is it really wrong to find the truth?

Thats really up to each person on an individual basis. I tend to ignore it until it becomes relevant.. to our relationship.

The one thing thats dangerous for my relationships is jealousy. I never used to feel it, but the older I get the more jealous and suspicious I become. Too many dodgy experiences I guess. So if I feel myself getting jealous (or paranoid), I nip it in the bud and say it plain. If satisfied i forget about it and move on. If not, then I hold out for a while in the hopes that it improves, and if not I break up.

I've been in relationships where I've been on the receiving end of jealous people, and I hated it. So if there's strong jealousy/suspicion, then its better to move on. It corrupts a relationship too easily..

So for me the truth is a somewhat two edged sword. Lets be honest here... do you really want to know the actual truth or do you want to assuage some inner turmoil?

Zombrex

mobilecore wrote: »

Say if someone tells me a lie, not a white lie but a lie that is bad. Is it wrong for me to stoop to a level to find out if they are telling the truth? .. like im not talking anything seriously low lol. But say if my gut instinct is saying its a lie. Is it really wrong to find the truth?

Having done that and having it back fire I wouldn't recommend it.

It is a Catch 22. You need to be absolutely certain the person is actually lying to risk setting up a trap, because if it turns out they aren't then you look like an insecure a-hole.

But if you are absolutely certain the person is actually lying then you probably don't need the trap in the first place.

I would say if you don't trust your partner it is probably time to move on.

Wibbs

mobilecore wrote: »

I think people cheating comes down to two camps - 1, getting greedy or 2, probably more so the person being not to much into their partner.

Id add biology to that too. Something better comes along, or better for that night and they jump. I'd say sexual boredom is the biggy though. Other issues may lead to that boredom but it comes out as sexual.

People date people because they dont want to be single. Some have the approach of not starting a relationship until its with someone that they are really interested in. But I think the majority just take anyone who ticks a few boxes of the dating critiera eg, slim ... - same age ... alright looking - seeming to be the only ones that matter.

I would agree 100% with that. You tend to see the other side with people who have more options in the dating/mating game. They tend to be more picky and take their time. They also change partners more often. It's broadly an age and gender thing too. A pretty woman at 21 is a lot more picky than the same woman at 36. Id say the same hypothetical woman at 21 is more likely to cheat too. With men it seems to go the other way. A guy at 35 is more picky and more likely to cheat. Both are more discerning when their options are higher. I dont think its conscious for the most part. Obviously generalisations of course.

extrinzic

It’s hard to meet people who one may consider for a serious long-term relationship imo. Initially, you have to get out there and sell yourself, of sorts. We present ourselves as we imagine others would find attractive, etc. You may find someone who will take the risk with you, though, perhaps they (or we) don’t always realise it is a risk from the outset. I think many people start off relationships, and just go with the flow of a relationship without really asking themselves where they stand, and what they want. Of course, sooner or later, somebody is going to look again, without the romantic fantasies and ask themselves, am I fulfilled? Am I happy with confronting the sacrifices I will have to make to commit to this life? Is the other person really committed, have they even given the matter any real thought?

The thing is, I don’t believe in love at first sight. I used to, but now I think that was sexual lust. Love is something that tiptoes into your heart overtime. It is a bond that is born from actual experiences with the other person, the erection and expression of love comes over from actual decision both of you make. Decisions such as meeting for another date; deciding to date more often; moving in together; practical support for one another; committing to take care of a child, etc. This is something you never really bargain on in the beginning, but, are the result of practical commitment you have to decide to make (or not) over the course of your life. This kind of commitment of your-self to another is the mark of love, and it’s about as real as it gets. You get infected with love, because couples who are in love become so intertwined, to separate would be brutal and debilitating. A person is literally what they do every day, and would evaporate into a non person without the content of their lives (which, increasingly becomes somebody else if you love another). So it doesn’t surprise me that many people in Ireland these days don’t make these commitments anymore. We have a more liberal minded society, where dependence on others is rejected in favour of individualism. I’m not about to say this is a bad thing overall, as more women have more choices to make than ever before, and this should be encouraged in a civil society. It does make the possibility of commitment (and I would argue: love) all the more real, as it may be more likely that such commitments are taken on by mutually consenting adults. Overall though, love is probably not as likely for many give the zeitgeist of our times.

Eliot Rosewater

Wicknight wrote: »

You are ignoring guilt.

I was, and by my own admission! But one can really consider guilt a selfless emotion - one is sorry for what happened to another person. If someone if following only their own strict self interest then guilt will surely not come into the picture?

Valmont

Eliot Rosewater wrote: »

I was, and by my own admission! But one can really consider guilt a selfless emotion - one is sorry for what happened to another person. If someone if following only their own strict self interest then guilt will surely not come into the picture?

I feel guilty about not going for a run yesterday.

Zombrex

Eliot Rosewater wrote: »

I was, and by my own admission! But one can really consider guilt a selfless emotion - one is sorry for what happened to another person. If someone if following only their own strict self interest then guilt will surely not come into the picture?

It will because you can't control guilt, it is an evolved, instinctive, response.

Even following your own self interest you naturally won't want to feel bad about something, and thus won't do it.

LighterGuy

I personally think you just have to read everything in life.

any red flags or alarm bells. jsut the hell out of there. I think its naive to give someone the benefit of the doubt when their action says otherwise.

LighterGuy

Deleted User wrote: »

.... I think cheating isn't particularly evil. Its a sign that one party is not being treated correctly in a relationship....

I agree that some cheating can be from what you said in your post. But I think alot of cheating is to do with greed ... or a person who is not that into you, but yet they still date you thing.

Cheating is, and always will be a form of 'its not what i do its what you do' mentality. If a person cheats on their partner. they'll justify it (Only a few will have genuine guilt deep down and feel bad) But the same cheater will think their partner is scum if they are the ones to get cheated on.

Alot of people dont feel guilty when they cheat, but get angry and upset when something gets done to them.

Elle Collins

Eliot Rosewater wrote: »

You see, people aren't terribly unique. If your going out with a person you could just as easily be going out with 100 alternatives.

I'm really stunned anyone would think like this! If I felt this way I wouldn't even bother having relationships. I don't mean to be offensive Eliot Rosewater, but TBH these sound to me like the words of a person who has never met anyone special.

profitius

Simple answer to the OP's question is the law of attraction.

You attract what you think about. If you believe people are cheaters and cannot be trusted then those are the sort of people you'll attract and the opposite also applies.

Elle Collins

Elle Collins wrote: »

I'm really stunned anyone would think like this! If I felt this way I wouldn't even bother having relationships. I don't mean to be offensive Eliot Rosewater, but TBH these sound to me like the words of a person who has never met anyone special.

Well, for myself, I'd say that everyone is unique. Oh we share some characteristics and social programming... but ultimately our thoughts are different. I love meeting new people simply because they're always different. Dig a little deeper beyond the masks that people put on themselves and the world is filled with people worth knowing.

Its taking the easy way out to categorise people. Much more fun to take them as you get to know them.