life is like a soap opera! need advice please

marlena06

This is like a film...but its not!!....its my life right now!....i was in a bad relationship, ended up having a son. I tried to work it out with my x... but basically was in abusive destructive relationship...walked away lots of times. finally strong i left him. not long after i met another guy, he was fun, kind, gorgeous...ended up falling for him much to the disgust of my x...he caused murder. anyway myself and this new guy..whirlwind romance...everything seemed amazing..we were living together, he was very goo to my son. we got engaged...and then it all deteriorated...a lot of pressure, resentment started creeping in. ended up breaking up with me over the ph in an arguement...i packed his stuff...got messy families involved etc. . . anyway my sons father was very good to me...very supportive. i knew he wanted me bk..but i needed time. i was so hurt over the breakup but felt my x fiance didnt care anymore. so i ended up deciding to give it a go with my sons father...not a good idea, i didnt love him..too much history to get over but tried for the sake of my son...relationship councilling etc. not working. anyway i left him again. he was horriblr to me once again. not long after my x fiance contacted me...we met up all the same feelings there, we talked and talked. we both knew we still loved each other....but i knew my family and my x would go crazy so we kept it quiet. now he has found out by breaking into my email account...ive gotten threats etc....i feel so alone, confused. My family dont think either men are right for me they dont approve of me being with my x fiance...i need advice!!!!

coolcat63

Might seem like a radical idea but why not spend some time on your own for a change? It's not the worst thing in the world and far, far better for your child than a mother who is forever bouncing between unsuitable men and exciting family dramas. Perhaps time to grow up a little rather than living on the edge.....

Angus Og

Coolcat's right, you need to break the cycle. If not for your sake, then your child's. Abusive men are always nice until they have you where they want you, and that seems to be the way with these men.

Do you want your son to grow up to be like them? Because that's what will happen.

And by the way, are your family nice people? If you think so, then maybe you should listen to them.

anucksunamun

I honestly think you need to see a therapist, you have to think of your son now and not yourself.

theg81der

Some peoples lives are soap opera`s not of their own making Op you had a choice in all this. I feel sorry for your son.

Peggypeg

Hey OP,

I think that you should see a councellor of some kind, I'm not trying to be mean but I get the feeling that you are addicted to the drama that's involved with love and hate and fighting and reunions etc. I think that if your life is a soap opera then that's probably the way you made it?

I really think you need to be single until you can figure out how to be in a loving, supportive and reliable relationship. If you continue to bounce between men your sons will learn to treat women as those men do. They will be taught that this is how a person functions in a relationship and you will be doing them a MASSIVE disservice and dare I say it being a bad mother.

I'm sure that is not what you want for your children, I'm sure you love them more than anything but I think you may be addicted to the highs and lows and drama. That is ok when you're on your own (while it's still not healthy) but when you have children that type of disruption in their lives, men coming and going, will leave them utterly bewildered and distressed. You need to get rid of both men, get yourself into councelling and work on building up your life without a man. That would be my advice.

Best of luck.

Miss Fluff

What age is your son? This behaviour is very very unfair on him, it will only cause him confusion and upset. You evidently don't know what you want. Why don't you take time out? I mean serious time out? Not a week or two until you fancy another tearful reunion but a year or so and discover what you really want. Doesn't sound like either guy is suitable but getting involved with yet another man at this stage would be a mistake.

How Strange

OP, I agree with everyone else. You're bouncing between exes and somewhere in the middle is a child.

You're family are probably right and neither man is good for you but you would definitely benefit from some time on your own and learning how to be independent.

IMO if you're life resembles a soap opera then it's because you want it like that and at some level you enjoy the drama of it all.