So sad :(

LegacyUser

I've been feeling so blue lately - so I just free associated and this is what I got...typos and all.... Don't really have anywhere to put this, so need to get it out...

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How does everything I do take so much pain.

I’m afraid of failure

I’m not sure why I do the things I do

I am afraid of being alone

I haven’t been happy in a long time

I want people to notice me

I’m not the person I ever wanted to be.

I live in constant fear.

When I’m happy and already looking to the next time to feel sad.

One person only truly knows me. And he’s not in my life anymore.

I’m afraid of showing vulnerability.

I pretend I’m ok. So I overcompensate to be nice when inside I’m dying.

I’m lonely.

I hurt one of the people that truly loves me. I never loved her. I just loved her company. I cheated on her. I kissed another person.

I have no desire to lose weight, tone up and be the best looking person I can be.

I’m not sure if I’m passionate about my degree, despite going to one of the best universities in the world to do it.

Kevster

You 'need' to get professional help before things really start to derail here dude. I know that sounds cliched, but my feelings are - just from what you've written - that you are on a downward path here that must be halted. Please just go to the university counsellor for starters - They should be free to attend.

Kevin

mobilecore

you could get professional help and you should do.
but for now talking about it on here will help

you are in a rut. what does your heart want?
even when really depressed there is something your heart wants.

Obviously you dont want to continue so whats your heart saying?

sKepTics_George

Stop being that person,
Relax more,
It all up to you you have to change, nobody is going to do it for you.

Angus Og

I know how it is when you feel like that. Your words could easily be my own, and I also know that it's very hard to just stop being that person.

Talking about it is a good idea.

miss hell

Sounds like you're in a really "inward" state of mind. I don't know exactly what you're going through, but I understand a lot of things that you said there. What other people think isn't really something to worry about. Who you think you are is not who you really are: don't let your thoughts convince you otherwise, keep on ploughing through the fear, get out of your comfort zone, don't run and hide from who you are, what happened in the past is over, hold no regret or shame about it, it's done, experience the things that might hurt you and welcome them with an open heart, you'll learn how to deal with sadness, you'll grow.