Feeling hopeless

LegacyUser

I'm a 23 year old woman and desperately unhappy with myself. I don't know why. I have a reasonable family life. I have a reasonable relationship with my mother and father, and with my siblings, all of which are married.

I have a good job, which I used to love but i now find it very hard to be motivated about it. I completed my degree last year obtaining an unexpected good grade.I found college very hard, often dodging lectures and pretty much spending weeks in bed, unable to face the world. I hope to continue on with a post grad but dont know if ill be able for it.

I have a great set of friends and acquaintances but i really dont feel close to anyone. I dont feel i could tell anyone how i feel. Sometimes i feel no one would notice if i were to disappear tomorrow.

My unhappiness is quite crippling and i dont know what to do. I've always felt like this and I don't know how much longer I can continue. I find it hard just looking in the mirror because I see a stupid, fat, ugly and pathetic person staring back.

When I'm out with friends, I feel invisible. They are all gorgeous, smart girls, having fun, meeting men and just living their lives. I have learned to put on a persona of being the joker, up for a laugh etc when I am with friends but I feel like awful for deceiving everyone.

I barely feel like a bit player in my own life and i just feel so lonely sometimes. I have never had a relationship with a man where I felt valued and secure. I have never been in love. Nobody has ever been in love with me. I cant imagine it ever happening for me either.

I have been on anti-depressents in the past but they were of little help. I also tried counselling for a number of months and while it helped at the time, I don't see any lasting effects. I just dont know what to do anymore. I feel like a complete fraud for acting like everything is ok.

I dont know what i expect to come of posting this thread but any comments or advice would be welcome

iguana2005

feeling hopelessness is one of the classic feelings when suffering from low mood or depression. Your feelings around your friends show low self esteem to me - again very common when your feeling low. And bed becomes your best friend.

I would advise go back to your doc and try a few more meds - its look me around 4 years to finally settle on Lustral which kept me level for years.
However now im on citalopram(just took a little break from them) as they are cheaper but i do find not as affective.

stay with it - your feelings soound all so familiar and im 35(diagnosed at 21)..dont forget exercise and a good bcomplex(or a fish oil if on meds) also help..there are so many people suffering from depression in this world your not alone...maybe get some books from library...books on depression, hope,,,personal favourie are the chicken soup for the soul book range..

Good luck..all these feeling will soon pass
x

T "real deal" J

Best of luck to you. If you want to talk about it contact someone on boards and chat to them on skype. your experiences are not unique you'll find that