Please read, please advise

LegacyUser

Hi guys,

Going unreg for this as it is quite personal. No one problem as such. In fact that's the problem, I have too many problems! I could really appreciate any advice. Advice from people of various ages and backgrounds, would to me, be a great way of seeking counsel. I have alot of decisions that need to be made as regards my life, some I have the answers to, others I could do with some feedback.

In a nutshell, I am 23. I am finished college. I have a 'good' job. The job is making my life hell. Without a shadow of doubt I feel trapped given the current climate and all the talk about unemployment etc. I have been unemployed before and it is soul destroying in many respects. My job is hell on earth. It is in an office in the not for profit sector and the people are people are ridiculous to unbelievable levels. The places seems to function on policies, reports and meetings. It's an administration heavy role, with little room for creativity or risk taking. In fact it's the type of job where you know what you've done wrong all the time but never what your doing right. It's a full time post and I work with around 7 other people. They are all older and come from a more upper class background than I do. They all love their jobs and revel in the minute details of everything. Needless to say I don't. And it shows. Not a day goes by where I don't get given out to for doing something wrong. I have one to one reviews twice weekly on top of all this red tape and micromanagement and I can't even go to the toilet without having to tell people where I am.

They seem to enjoy getting the most out of people. Fair enough, but the methods used are quite questionable. Discouragement seems to be the name of the game. Every slip-up highlighted, ever mistake magnified and everything from personal appearance, to throw away comments scrutinised and broadcasted. I used to think I was a good writer. I had been told as much for years, yet in this job my confidence in my abilities has all but evaporated. I get no encouragement, no praise and every week, for 2 hours I have to sit down and get a list of what I've done wrong. Maybe I am hyper-sensitive but it seems to cut to my very core. I'm not a cryer but the criticism hurts and I find myself fighting back the tears.

I'm not from Dublin and I am only in the job 6 months. I live alone. I don't have much of a social life due to my working hours and at weekends I comfort eat and chain smoke. My life in reality is a mess. I have no discipline anymore and I can't seem to pull myself out of the rut that I am in. I have raised the issues I am having and they have fallen on deaf ears. I tried to hand in my notice and nothing came of it as they implied that I would be insane to leave a job in the current economic downturn. I also got an implied threat that it wouldn't reflect nicely on me when it came to finding another job.


I just don't think I can go on like this. I am still in debt from my degree so leaving really isn't a practible or sensible thing to do but every fibre of my being wants to run out the door. Some element of the job I enjoy but I don't seem to earn anything but cold water being poured on my job. Over the last 6 months I have morphed from an optimistic happy go lucky guy to someone who consults therapy and a GP for antidepressants. I have spoken to my friends and family about the situation and I am met with the same response-that I would be insane to walk away from a job whilst still in debt. I look at friends who work in pubs/clubs and I am jealous. They may be earning less money, but when they go home they don't take the days battles home with them.

I guess, what I am asking is what to do. I am tied into a lease for a few more months, I have commitments financially and I am in a job that is quite literally destroying my self-esteem and making me a very depressed person. I feel the days of college, where people were nice, fun could be had and the job still done are long gone. If this is how the world operates as twenty something in an office then I can't really cope with that. I have always wanted to travel and that ambition seems to be dying more and more as reality creeps in. I feel like this company own me, and as such can overload me with work, fire shots when necessary and still keep me in limbo as to wether I will be fired or not. I honestly cannot get out of bed in the morning and at night I don't want to sleep as I know when I wake up I will be back in there. Realistically I have to stick out another 6 months if I want to clear my debt and have savings but while that is only another 120 working days if not less, it daunts me no end.

I know I could work harder, which I addressing. I also know I need to excercise more, eat right and make the areas outside of work more enjoyable in order to cope but does anyone have coping strategies for a situation like this? It seems disheartening to me that after years of great jobs, friends, and an enjoyable optmistic outlook, I have been reduced to this. It also guts me that I have to wish precious days away, I won't be 23 forever and yet here I am hoping to hit 24 so it means I am finally out of there.

Any advice or feedback, or coping strategies would be dearly appreciated.

Sorry for the long post and thank you for taking the time to read. I feel slightly better having just posted this.

Cheers

Dizzyblonde

Hi, I think the transition from college to working full-time can be difficult even if you like your job, but if you don't then it's a nightmare.

I'm old enough to be your mother, and although 6 months seems like an eternity it really isn't. What you need to do is get through the work part and clear your debt, all the time planning what you'll do afterwards. I know it's a cliche but the world really is your oyster and at 23 with no ties and your debts paid off you'll be free to travel and do all the things you dream of.
Start eating healthily, get plenty of exercise and you'll begin to feel better almost immediately because you'll be doing something proactive about improving your life.

2manyconditions

You have given yourself a target date of 6 months - but stick to it. You NEED to stay for 6 months to pay off debts and save BUT In the meantime, Get busy -start concentrating on what you are going to do in 6 months time, ie you need to start looking for a new job, or start to plan your travel - start thinking and planning NOW.

I have been in a situation where I could not stick the job due to various reasons, the only thing that got me through was the date I set to hand in my notice. The last month went really fast.

So you have 5 months before your date to hand in your notice (04/07/10) Write it in your diary, mark it in the calender, set your phone alarm to go off on that date. Focus on that date and what you are going to do after that.

So you need to work on a plan and possibly a back up plan for then (I had a job offer and at the same time my visa came through, I was leaving that job no matter what) . Because no matter what YOU will be outta there and maybe who knows maybe off to Austriala, Canada, Galway, Kilkenny!

I feel your pain but you will get through this.
If you know it will end, you will look forward to that time and it does help when you know that ya its sh1t now but in 6 months thats it. Your outta there.

WRT people at work, f*** 'em your leaving in 6 months anyway. Oh and use them for any experience you can get in the meantime. And then get the hell outta there. Recession or no recession, you should have something in 6 months with a years worth of work experience!

I know its a repetitive response but I was pretty repetitive when I was thinking just 2 more months, just 1 more month - Yipee my last day! And I'll never forget my last day- it was as if the biggest weight in the world was lifted off my shoulders - it was a great feeling. Nothing has ever come close to the torture I felt in that job. So chin up! 04/08/10 is your last day in that soul destroying job.

Best of luck anyway!

ChocolateRamses

2manyconditions is bang on.

If realistically you have to work there for 6 more months to clear your debt then plan with that in mind. See if there's any chance of finding another job to step into when you leave, even if it's a part-time role, rather than elaving yourself out in the cold.

If 6 months is the time, then look at what you can do in that time toward achieving something else, if you decide you want to travel for a while, you have 6 months to sort everything out. Whatever it is, once you set some goals you'll feel more in control of your own situation, this job will just be a means to an end until you're debt-free.

Billiejo

Dizzyblonde wrote: »

Hi, I think the transition from college to working full-time can be difficult even if you like your job, but if you don't then it's a nightmare.

I'm old enough to be your mother, and although 6 months seems like an eternity it really isn't. What you need to do is get through the work part and clear your debt, all the time planning what you'll do afterwards. I know it's a cliche but the world really is your oyster and at 23 with no ties and your debts paid off you'll be free to travel and do all the things you dream of.
Start eating healthily, get plenty of exercise and you'll begin to feel better almost immediately because you'll be doing something proactive about improving your life.

Ditto...and I'm old enough too....to be your parent...seeing you describing reality.
Been there...done the time & donned the T shirt.
My advice. > Heed Blondies above with Head down & cotton wool stuffed ears until....................!!
Meantime spend your time LOOKING for a few hours in a pub pm/ OR down the harbour learning to sail/ OR doing voluntary work.

cafecolour

Anywhere heavily bureaucratic is going to get on you about every little thing as everything in those sorts of places is so standardized that everything has to conform.

So the criticisms aren't personal comments - it's them trying to get you to match their way of doing things. Ie they aren't saying 'you are a bad writer' they are saying 'you aren't writing in the style everyone else writes in here.' Its almost like you've moved to a new country and have to learn their language and customs.

I worked at a heavily bureaucratic place with lovely coworkers who couched their criticisms in the most helpful of terms, and it was still horrible. I can't imagine it with crazy coworkers.

So how do you cope? Well, with any job, you tend to be more on your toes the first few months as you try and fit in. At some point you stop giving a f**k. Do your best to speed it up. Disengage emotionally, view your work as an anthropological endeavor. Do your best to laugh at the ridiculousness instead of complaining about it or getting worked up. Make yourself a healthy meal and a nice cup of tea and go through the dilbert.com archive and see how many strips seems to be based on your office.

LegacyUser

Its funny, just last night I was having dinner with all my 30 something friends, and we all remarked on how nice it is to be treated differently because we are older i.e. you get more respect in a workplace or anywhere really.

I imagine that working environment makes you a nervous wreck. Maybe you need to be more assertive, note: not agressive. Assertive is where you 'own' your own space and can speak freely without anyone else feeling unreasonably challenged.

Speaking freely is key here. If you don't understand something, speak out. If you don't understand the importance of their red tape ways, its ok to say that. Ask for help but hold your own, as well. Practice saying 'I am uncomfortable with this'. You might never use those words to your colleagues, but you really need to 'own' your feelings and ideas. Do not become 'the difficult person in the office' but generally people appreciate straight communication.

23 is a fantastic age. I'm a little bit tempted to say feck the job and go work in a trendy city centre bar of restaurant where you'll meet lots of other young people and have a good social life.... anyway, when you look back on 23 you won't even remember those middle aged office nerds. Focus on your life outside work instead.

Acoshla

Hi OP,

I feel your pain, I really do, I'm 24 and have just handed in my notice in my job for the same sort of reasons (completely depressed) and even lasting this last week of it is killing me, I won't be happy til I'm gone completely.

As everyone is saying try your best to stick it out for the next 6 months, but in the meantime start looking for other jobs anyway, at least then you're trying and who knows, something might come up (like for all the people whose CV's I'm going through now to replace me )

I know it is so difficult to get through it, I am the same, I've gone from one of the most eternally happy and optimistic people ever to a sad, scared, depressed shell of myself, I have resisted going to the doctor about it yet but it was only a matter of time if I didn't leave. I'm lucky in that I have no debt and a good bit of savings, but I have wanted to quit since July so I'm proud of myself for making it this far, I did have several months of poor health due to the stress though.

Anyways OP best of luck, take each day at a time and get your CV out there for any jobs you think you'd like, like I said you never know what might pop up.

aidan24326

OP, life is way too short to waste it in a job you detest. DO stay the 6 months you need to pay off your debt as that will get the debt monkey off your back and believe me that's equally important. But once your debts are cleared DO NOT stay there any longer. You say being unemployed was 'soul destroying' but was it really worse than what you're doing now? Make every effort to try and line something up for when you leave. Even if it's a crappy job with little responsibility, it will pay the bills for the time being and get you the hell out of that place. Plan things you can look forward to, that's always important.

And you know what? Don't bother to care a damn about the people you're working with who are scrutinising you. In a couple of years time you'll have forgotten about them, and them you. So milk every bit of experience you can get out of the place and just use it as a means to an end.

LegacyUser

Hi OP here,

Many thanks for all the responses. I appreciate it. In a small way, it gives me hope and comfort to know that others are going or have gone through what I am. Unfortunately the situation is far from stable and is deteriorating by the day.

Every hour is a struggle with these people. It has gotten to the point where I stand corrected on everything. I am paralysed by fear to even attempt a task as I know they will jump at me for it. When I speak on the phone I am corrected once I hang up by my colleagues. They seem to thrive on being contrary. If I say black they say white. I am really questioning my sanity at this point. I am actively applying for other jobs but in the current climate I don’t hold out much hope.

I honestly am beginning to wonder if being unemployed with no money would be a more healthy option. I am spending all night worrying and then all day sitting at my desk waiting for the day to end. Even the aspects of the job I once enjoyed have disappeared. It is like being back at school. The constant correction is exhausting. These people genuinely believe themselves to be without fault. I honestly get nothing right in this organisation. Nothing and it is wearing me out. It feels like it will never end.

LegacyUser

Hi Op I really feel for you as I was in a similar situation before. I bided my time until I could leave and believe me the relief when I left (with no job to go to) was fantastic.

Like everybody else says here, have a time frame in mind to have your debts cleared by and try to get another job in that time frame. Or else put a plan together to go abroad for a while once your debts are cleared. Dont under any circumstances stay in the job any longer than you have to or your health will suffer. No job is worth your health.

gandalf

Are they correcting you just for the sake of it. I suggest you answer these criticisms with questions. If they are valid they will be able to quantify them, if they are not then a good drill down via questions will expose that. Do you stay in the office at lunch. If so I suggest you get out and go for a walk to de-stress you will be amazed how that helps you get through the day.

You say you are lonely I suggest you try and take a hobby up where you meet people that is nothing to do with what you do as a career. This will help take your mind off things.

Stand up for yourself, this doesn't mean turning up in the office dressed like Rambo. As I said if some one is continually criticising you query them politely and if you are not happy with their answer keep asking them. Some of what you say sounds like borderline bullying as well and I would advise keeping a log of their behaviour.

Good luck.

nmesisca

Lostatsea wrote: »

Hi OP here,

Many thanks for all the responses. I appreciate it. In a small way, it gives me hope and comfort to know that others are going or have gone through what I am. Unfortunately the situation is far from stable and is deteriorating by the day.

Every hour is a struggle with these people. It has gotten to the point where I stand corrected on everything. I am paralysed by fear to even attempt a task as I know they will jump at me for it. When I speak on the phone I am corrected once I hang up by my colleagues. They seem to thrive on being contrary. If I say black they say white. I am really questioning my sanity at this point. I am actively applying for other jobs but in the current climate I don’t hold out much hope.

I honestly am beginning to wonder if being unemployed with no money would be a more healthy option. I am spending all night worrying and then all day sitting at my desk waiting for the day to end. Even the aspects of the job I once enjoyed have disappeared. It is like being back at school. The constant correction is exhausting. These people genuinely believe themselves to be without fault. I honestly get nothing right in this organisation. Nothing and it is wearing me out. It feels like it will never end.

Start answering back!
Seriously. I work with similar people. They did that a couple times when I joined the company. One day I answered back.
Of course you need to be 100% positive that what you're saying is correct and they have 0% chance of correcting you.