friend is obsessed with the notion her kids are ill??

InisMor

Hi,

I'm getting a bit concerned about my friend.

She has two kids - a toddler and a baby - and she is seems obsessed with the notion that they are ill or have allergies, especially the baby.

She has been bringing the baby to doctor frequently, and I've discovered she has been to the hospital a lot - three time in the last two months.

And believe me when I say, those kids are perfectly healthy.

She has her poor mother torment, but the woman can't talk to her because my friend can sometimes throw a temper.

She is NOT making the kids ill or anything like that, but she is completely imagining all this stuff. She spends a lot of time on parenting websites and I believe this is where she gets these notions. As lame as that sounds, I'm sure of it.

Does anybody here know somebody like this? How can I convince her that she is being unreasonable?

Cheers

McChubbin

It might be that she's suffering from extreme anxiety due to some underlining cause.

Has anything stressful happened to her recently? Her behavior could be due to something more sinester.

InisMor

Hi,

Thanks for responding.
There isn't anything sinister, if fact I think it is the mundane that is bringing this on - boredom and lack of adult company . I think she needs to get back to work.
It's like she is just over thinking all this stuff, whereas her mother or another parent would say "that's nothing" when a baby won't eat. I believe she is straight onto the internet looking stuff up and talking to pseudo-doctors who have less experience with kids than she does.
There is history of this obsessive thinking in her family. Her sister has OCD and was nearly ruined from it. She has it under control now, and she says my friend is getting like this too. If fact she believes the stress that is brought this on is the toddler - she can be a real handful.

Her mother is now concerned that the child will be in a waiting room of the doctor's or in a hospital so often that he WILL pick up an infection.

But there is no talking to my friend or else she will just get angry.

I had been hoping her doctor would sit her down and put an end to this sooner, but I've found out recently that he became a very nervous type after misdiagnosing a patient who then died. So he will just let keep on going I think.

Ickle Magoo

If it is just a case of your friend persisting in chasing doctors for diagnoses of imaginary illness then she is really not doing anything "wrong" - a bit peculiar yes, but I can't see any doctor willing to do an intervention based on a parent being over-anxious tbh, nervous or not. Can you sit her down and be brutally honest with her? Is there a partner, husband or member of her family that can have a word?

Other than stressing you are worried about her and suggest she approach a counsellor for help herself, if that's what she needs, then I don't think there is a lot you can do unfortunately. Horrible situation. Best of luck.

littlebug

InisMor wrote: »

I believe she is straight onto the internet looking stuff up and talking to pseudo-doctors who have less experience with kids than she does.
.

Oh the irony.

Every mother (parent) worries excessively and sometimes unnecessarily about their children. We wouldn't be doing our job right if we didn't.

How do you know that the children don't have allergies or aren't sick. Sometimes signs and symptoms aren't obvious to anyone other than the person who is with the child 24/7.

However, if the children are healthy then it does sound excessive....but that's really not for people on the internet to decide! If you, other friends and her mother are concerned that this is, as you say, due to the need of adult company then could you work together to make sure she gets more adult company to help her through what might be a difficult patch?

Nevyn

Can we please stop throwing aroung medical terms as none one here can say if the friend has any of those mention as they are not drs.

I would suggest talking to the local health nurse and raising your concerns with him/her and they may be able to help or get your friend a referal.

themysteriouson

Everyone can be a little nervous when you have very young children as they cant really tell you when they dont feel well or something in particular is making them feel ill.

I was a very worried parent for the first year and a half. Every rash I seen I thought she was getting Measels or Meningitis or something extreme every time she fell I thought she would need to go to hosipital it drove my partner a bit mad! Anyway my mother was a great help so when I was worried I would ring her since she already raised 4 and we're all ok and that helped to calm me down a bit.

Now I'm much more relaxed about the whole sickness thing.
Just give her a while as you said she has two very young children which doesnt help those nervous feelings. She'll get over that stage in time

Billiejo

Hi
Some mothers overly worry about their children particularily if there is familial illness's in the extended family. EG one or both parents suffered/s from asthma or allergies etc or if a child in the family is fussy/poor feeder /prone to chest infections plus numerous other behaviours.
Medical training teaches to always take mothers worries re-illness in child seriously and perhaps in this case there may be some underlying undiagnosed problem.
However you dont say how old baby is and therefore if a childs age is from 6/12-24/12 then perhaps mother is undiagnoised PND.
In the extream one would only suspect Munchausin problem.