ex moved on too soon

LegacyUser

Broke up with ex of 6 years two months ago (he broke up with me). Finally got over him and we had begun to be friends again when he drops a bombshell on me. He has a new girlfriend. They have been together a month. I am so devasted...feel like I'm back to square one ...advice?

Virgil°

I'd say you weren't over him. If you were truly over him this news would not have affected you as badly as it has. 2 months after a 6 year relationship is a stupidly short amount of time to be over someone. If its any consolation hes probably not over you and this girl is likely not much more than a rebound.
Forget about him, don't contact him and concentrate on yourself. Surround yourself with mates and do all the stuff you wanted to but didn't have the chance to before.
It'll get better.
Best of luck hun.

theg81der

Far to early to be friends you need at least 6 months minimum, no seeing him at all. I know its hard becuase you want to see him but you need to tell him you need some time.

I would even put your relationship stuff, as in anything that symbolise him or your relationship, in a box and put it away somewhere. I think this tells your unconcious to put it away. Even if you strip the place bare it might be really positive for you emotionally. See what you have left and take control of your new wonderful single life. Make a list of everything wonderful about being single and stick it up where you can see it. Commit more time to yourself stuff you would have spent doing couply things like take a part time course or exercise more that way you see benefits directly.

LegacyUser

see the thing is even though you broke up two months ago ...he had left the relationship a long time before that ...in his head it could have been over a year ago... he just didn't tell you till two months ago...so for him he hasn't move on too soon...

get a book called ....its called a brake up because it broken ...it very down to earth and will help you

helimachoptor

You dont get over someone you've been with for 6 years in 2 months

hyperbaby

When my ex broke up with me after 6 years i was devastated, it took me the guts of at least 9 months to get over it.
worse thing i found was that he got over things so quickly and because of bebo (i know so 2006) i learned he was having a great time without me. that hurt the most.
i wonder why many guys get over things so easily.
i wish i wasn't such a dweller...

Peggypeg

OH sweetheart, I'm really feeling for you, it's awful to think he's moved on so quick I know. What you need to do now is cut contact with him completely because if you don't everytime you look at facebook, bebo, talk to him, text him etc it'll just be you getting hurt. There is no way you could possibly be ok with the fact he has a new girlfriend. You'll end up analyzing his relationship and spend all your energy thinking about them, forgive me if I'm wrong but that's just how I'd be. You need to get him completely out of your head and move on with your life and get back to enjoying it. Seeing him, talking to him, even looking at him on facebook will just keep setting you back. It's nice that you want to be friends but that's just not realistic sweetie, you can't make yourself go from lovers to friends that quickly and you'll be doing yourself a huge disservice if you try. He broke up with you remember? That was him doing what was best for him, now you need to do what is best for you, which is to get over him and the only way to start that journey is to do as others have said above, get him completely out of your life and then set about building your new single life into what you want it to be. Maybe in a good while you can be friends, you'll know it's the time when seeing or talking to him doesn't hurt you or bring back the crappy things you're feeling right now. Don't rush it and if you never feel that you can be friends that's ok too.

Big Hug sweetie, and chin up, this will all get easier with time.

Best of luck.

Ickle Magoo

exmovedon wrote: »

Broke up with ex of 6 years two months ago (he broke up with me). Finally got over him and we had begun to be friends again when he drops a bombshell on me. He has a new girlfriend. They have been together a month. I am so devasted...feel like I'm back to square one ...advice?

Stop being friends with him - it is of absolutely no benefit to you. You need to gather your friends & family around you & just look after yourself. Cry, shout, scream & get over him. He has chosen to get with someone else, he could have stopped investing emotionally in your relationship long before it ended and so the transition started much earlier for him, she could be to help him get over you or numerous other things - the fact is though, it's all about him and him moving on and getting over your break up, none of it helps you deal with your pain or upset.

I think you need to break contact and look after yourself and stop torturing yourself with knowledge of what he's doing and why. Big hugs. Best of luck.

ManOfMystery

hyperbaby wrote: »

When my ex broke up with me after 6 years i was devastated, it took me the guts of at least 9 months to get over it.
worse thing i found was that he got over things so quickly and because of bebo (i know so 2006) i learned he was having a great time without me. that hurt the most.
i wonder why many guys get over things so easily.
i wish i wasn't such a dweller...

That's half the problem with Bebo, Facebook, etc - you see people on nights out with a smile on their face and a pint in their hands and assume that their life is just fantastic. It's not always the case. Who's to say the guy wasn't as annoyed about everything as you were, but instead of staying at home depressed he was out and about trying to keep himself upbeat? I know when I split with a particular ex I was upset for a long time, but I knew moping would do me no good so I got out there and tried to get back to having a social life and going out with friends - a normal healthy thing to do.

Yes, some guys get over things easily, but guys also have a tendency to think very logically about things like this and realise that the best way to move on is to get back to normality.

hyperbaby

ManOfMystery wrote: »

That's half the problem with Bebo, Facebook, etc - you see people on nights out with a smile on their face and a pint in their hands and assume that their life is just fantastic. It's not always the case. Who's to say the guy wasn't as annoyed about everything as you were, but instead of staying at home depressed he was out and about trying to keep himself upbeat? I know when I split with a particular ex I was upset for a long time, but I knew moping would do me no good so I got out there and tried to get back to having a social life and going out with friends - a normal healthy thing to do.

Yes, some guys get over things easily, but guys also have a tendency to think very logically about things like this and realise that the best way to move on is to get back to normality.

He didn't actually post pictures of a night out but it was him doing stuff he enjoyed and having a good time. He definitely wasn't depressed about it because he wanted out of the relationship.

i totally see where you are coming from now and about getting things back to normal, but after such a long spell together its hard to pick up the pieces and pretend like you are okay with everything.

Sleepy

helimachoptor wrote: »

You dont get over someone you've been with for 6 years in 2 months

Maybe you don't but some people can.

OP, while you consider this 'too soon', ultimately it's his life and it's somethingthat you have no say in.

If you're being hurt by decisions he makes in his life, you're clearly not over him and need some space. If you really want to stay friends, and if you went out for 6 years, I'm sure there's plenty there to build a friendship on, the best thing to do is agree not to see each other for a while. Ask him not to contact you for 6 months / a year until you've had a chance to put your own life back together.

LegacyUser

helimachoptor wrote: »

You dont get over someone you've been with for 6 years in 2 months

Yes you can. I was in a bad relationship for 5 years. The last year was dire.
When I finally had the guts to end it, I was well over it within two months.

disgruntled09

my friend recently broke up with her partner of 11 years and swear by a Paul McKenna book called i can mend your broken heart. She was totally sceptical of it when someone gave it to her but thought hey why not and now thinks it is brilliant. her situation is like yours .. another girl involved:(

Jessiegirl

Yes will difference there Hearth is you ended it, you wanted out. I was with someone for 11 years and the year prior to break up was very hard including legal proceedings...When it ended it was a relief, I wanted out for so long. BIG BIG difference Hearth.

The OP was dumped Hearth, she didn't want this, it wasn't her decision and it may take her longer than 2 months to get over a long term relationship, many who have been there will understand only two well.

OP I'm a month in to a break up from a 1 year relationship. Sure I am broken hearted but I have to be realistic re. the healing process. I still have the odd cry or moment of anger and untill that passes it's best to avoid the past. All I can advise is to cut out contact completely till you feel you are over him, you don't need set backs and you certainly don't need to know what he's up and who he is dating, save yourself the pain.

I'm trying the best to deal with it myself so I would just say take solace in your mates, hook up with those you may not have seen for a while. Get out walking in the fresh air everyday for your mental health, treat yourself to something new, a hairdo, some clothes, massage, even a nice bubble bath. I got a dog, very loyal and he won't break my heart lol

You may be able to be friends again when the pain subsides. Just be good to yourself in the meantime and focus on you. Lots of hugs.

LegacyUser

Jessiegirl wrote: »

Yes will difference there Hearth is you ended it, you wanted out. I was with someone for 11 years and the year prior to break up was very hard including legal proceedings...When it ended it was a relief, I wanted out for so long. BIG BIG difference Hearth.

The OP was dumped Hearth, she didn't want this, it wasn't her decision and it may take her longer than 2 months to get over a long term relationship, many who have been there will understand only two well.

Sorry, I should've been clearer, my comment on being able to get over someone was in reference to the OP's boyfriend not her. I was just pointing out to those who questioned the fact that HE could be over it after only 2 months - that it is possible.

Obvioulsy OP, it will take you a lot longer than two months to get over this as you did not want it to end, and I really feel for you. However, the first step to doing so is acknowleding the shi**y fact that he probably is over it and is getting on with his life. You should now look after yourself and allow yourself the same luxury and happiness.