should i finish it?

confused230

ive been wit my gf for 4 years im 23 now and its just nt the same ne more its like were two completly differnet ppl i get so irritated by her n we havnet done ne thing together in weeks weve barley talked i find myself distancing myself from her so we wont have to talk. im so confused about wat to its affecting my whole life i do still love her but its nt the same i get on so well wit her family and i cant remember wat my life was like before we started going out i cant talk to her about we already tried a break a last year but gt bk together straight away becuz i tink we were both terrified of being on our own.
id really apprecatite ne ones advice
thanks

Peggypeg

confused230 wrote: »

ive been wit my gf for 4 years im 23 now and its just nt the same ne more its like were two completly differnet ppl i get so irritated by her n we havnet done ne thing together in weeks weve barley talked i find myself distancing myself from her so we wont have to talk. im so confused about wat to its affecting my whole life i do still love her but its nt the same i get on so well wit her family and i cant remember wat my life was like before we started going out i cant talk to her about we already tried a break a last year but gt bk together straight away becuz i tink we were both terrified of being on our own.
id really apprecatite ne ones advice
thanks

I think the most important part of your post is "I think we were both terrified of being on our own". The relationship you are describing doesn't sound like love "we havnet done ne thing together in weeks weve barley talked i find myself distancing myself from her so we wont have to talk". It sounds like co-dependancy, you should check out some books on the subject because it sounds like a pretty clear cut case of it to me, granted I'm not a coucellor etc but that relationship sounds like it's smothering you not nurturing you as a good relationship should.

confused230

i know its not a healthy relationship but breakin up is easier said than donet i just cant seem to throw away the 4 years we spent together we had made plans i just dont know how to do it

newmember2

confused230 wrote: »

...just cant seem to throw away the 4 years we spent together...

You won't be 'throwing away' anything by ending a relationship you know isn't healthy. Have you tried getting help in repairing the relationship?
If you stay in a relationship you don't want to be in then you will be throwing away the next few years or however long it takes for it to get bad enough that one of you can't take it any more.

Good luck.

Peggypeg

Ah sweetie, you're dead right, it is very hard to break up with someone. But you know what? It's much harder to stay with someone when you don't want to be. It's one conversation, it doesn't have to be a fight, just tell her that you've grown apart and that you don't feel the same anymore and you want to move on. Once you've finished it you'll feel so much better I'd say.

confused230

thanks for the advice i kinda kno deep down that wat yer sayin makes total sense its just so hard she is my first gf were best friends ect

shellyboo

You're only 23 OP, far too young to be settling for a relationship that's not making you happy. Are you just going to stay with her forever because it's more convenient? You know yourself what you have to do.

The Recliner

confused230 wrote: »

ive been wit my gf for 4 years im 23 now and its just nt the same ne more its like were two completly differnet ppl i get so irritated by her n we havnet done ne thing together in weeks weve barley talked i find myself distancing myself from her so we wont have to talk. im so confused about wat to its affecting my whole life i do still love her but its nt the same i get on so well wit her family and i cant remember wat my life was like before we started going out i cant talk to her about we already tried a break a last year but gt bk together straight away becuz i tink we were both terrified of being on our own.
id really apprecatite ne ones advice
thanks

Hi Confused230

Hi and welcome, I know you are new but Textspeak is against the charter, please try and not use it as it is difficult to read and will put people off replying

theg81der

Op it sound difficult but you`ll just have to take the leap. Sounds to me like you and your girlfriend would still be friends which is great considering you`ve spent a sizable amount of time together.
Probably best sooner rather than later like what would happen if she got pregnant next week? If your both with Mr and Mrs wrong your not out there meeting Mr and Mrs right!

Liam Byrne

From the (irritating) text-speak, I'd assume that you're very young.

EDIT : Just deciphered it again and realised that you said you were 23.

Even older people go through this, but they meet loads of people along the way.

You should NEVER stay in a relationship because of being afraid you won't meet someone else; you should be with someone (and they with you) because you want to be with them.

confused230

sorry for the text speak didnt realise i was using it thanks for the advice still am unsure about what to do!its the worse feeling!

AnonoBoy

Afraid of being on your own at 23?

Nonsense.

If you're distancing yourself from your girlfriend so you don't have to talk then you should just realise that it's over.

I know this sounds patronising but there are loads more people out there for both of you and, even though you might not think it, you're both very young. In 5 years you and your girlfriend will be very different people to the people you are now, let alone the people you were when you started going out.

confused230

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Afraid of being on your own at 23?

Nonsense.
it may be nonsense to you but thats how i feel we have a lot of history in being together for 4 years