Love?

LegacyUser

I'm posting this anonymously i have a few friends on boards who may know me.

I've being basically in touch with a girl i met last year and we recently got together after many months of phone calls and e-mails. When we got together i wasn’t sure how i really felt but never gave it much thought until the time came. The main problem is the distance between us. I let her how i felt before we departed and i think she felt the same but ever since we departed i have thought about her every minute of everyday more to the point its driving me crazy now and becoming somewhat of a distraction. I've had few girlfriends nothing too long or serious but i am now starting to question myself if this is "love"? I dont think i've ever being in Love but i've also never felt like this for anyone in the past so it’s a strange feeling. The problem is the distance so maybe i feel like this because of that and think about her more or maybe i'm using this as an excuse? I have thought about telling her but again i think that might be unfair because of the distance and i'm not sure if its real or what she would say or her reaction would be. This is all so confusing at the moment and it’s slowly driving me insane and becoming a distraction everyday.

I would really like some advice or thoughts from fellow boards memebers?

Peggypeg

Wow, that's a hard one alright. Is there any chance you could see more of her to see how your feel or is that out of the question? Love really is a funny emotion, it can hurt as much as if can feel awesome. Sounds like you could be falling for her, which is a lovely feeling when you're around the person but hell if you can't be. If you think this relationship is worth fighting for then my advice would be to move heaven and hell to be around her but if you think it's just unworkable and doomed then I would get out now and save myself the heart ache.

LegacyUser

Peggypeg wrote: »

Wow, that's a hard one alright. Is there any chance you could see more of her to see how your feel or is that out of the question?

If it was that easy i would take the chance but its not.

Peggypeg wrote: »

Sounds like you could be falling for her, which is a lovely feeling when you're around the person but hell if you can't be.

I think you could be right with this, never thought of that?

Peggypeg wrote: »

If you think this relationship is worth fighting for then my advice would be to move heaven and hell to be around her but if you think it's just unworkable and doomed then I would get out now and save myself the heart ache.

If it was that easy i would move heven and earth but its not and i already kinda tried to get out tried but she wanted to try or least see what happens which. I know myself even if i did still wouldn't be able to forget or move just like that.

Thanks for your reply.

Peggypeg

looooove wrote: »

If it was that easy i would take the chance but its not.



I think you could be right with this, never thought of that?



If it was that easy i would move heven and earth but its not and i already kinda tried to get out tried but she wanted to try or least see what happens which. I know myself even if i did still wouldn't be able to forget or move just like that.

Thanks for your reply.

Wow sweetie, you really are stuck in a pickle of a situation. You're right it's not easy to just get out and move on. I wasn't trying to make out it was easy, I was just saying that if the relationship is doomed then I wouldn't continue it as you're only causing yourself more heartache. Of course it'll hurt as all relationship do when they end, but a little heartache now might be better than a ton of heartache later?

LegacyUser

Peggypeg wrote: »

. Of course it'll hurt as all relationship do when they end, but a little heartache now might be better than a ton of heartache later?

Thats what i was thinking as well but when i tried to talk to her about it twice she quickly changed my mind. I know its the right thing to do longterm but she has a different view altogether about the situation in that lets just see what happens. I'm trying to be realastic about it myself. aahhhhh!!!

e04bf099

I'm a romantic, and I've been there. I'd say its love. Its healthy and cool. Be patient and remember that if this one doesn't work out then atleast you know you are capable of feeling this way. Some people are, by their own contention, not able to.

LegacyUser

e04bf099 wrote: »

I'm a romantic, and I've been there. I'd say its love. Its healthy and cool.

I sometimes thought it was but always questioned, probably because i wasn't sure or if i was but if i am then what can or should i do next?

e04bf099

looooove wrote: »

I sometimes thought it was but always questioned, probably because i wasn't sure or if i was but if i am then what can or should i do next?

What you should do is relax and figure out what you want to do wth your life, like any normal young person. You may be in love, but this isn't a movie. If you think you can go live where she is at little expense or change to the career path you're on then fine, go for it. If not, forget it, you'll find someone else. Lots of people fall in love many times in their lives. You'll meet someone else. If you do look elsewhere, you don't have to lose contact with yer one. Maybe some time in the future your paths will cross in a more convenient fashion.

Or you could buy a car and go see her on the weekends. Just don't think its such an imminent do-or-die situation. How old are you anyway. Being romantic doesn't mean you need to be melodramatic.

LegacyUser

e04bf099 wrote: »

Or you could buy a car and go see her on the weekends. Just don't think its such an imminent do-or-die situation. How old are you anyway. Being romantic doesn't mean you need to be melodramatic.

I wish it was as simple as car but its not. I'm alot older then you think. I have tried telling her i dont think its a good idea but she doesn't want to listen or thinks it is and can work but i'm not so sure if it will. If i could id get up and go but little things like a visa for one, i dont have a degree either. I can think of all the negatives but not many positives.

PK2008

Sounds like infatuation to me- distance can do that.

e04bf099

PK2008 wrote: »

Sounds like infatuation to me- distance can do that.

... said the cynic:rolleyes:

e04bf099

looooove wrote: »

I wish it was as simple as car but its not. I'm alot older then you think. I have tried telling her i dont think its a good idea but she doesn't want to listen or thinks it is and can work but i'm not so sure if it will. If i could id get up and go but little things like a visa for one, i dont have a degree either. I can think of all the negatives but not many positives.

She wants you to move out to her? Where is she from? If you're older I would go for it, in general. There could obviously be some cultural issues and what-not, I don't know the situation. It could be infatuation. I would ordinarily say that if you're older you should be prepared to take every chance for love. But you might be in a more complex situation than I am accounting for. If there are visas and stuff involved then I wouldn't want to give any advice that would see you get duped or get into trouble somehow.

Its strange to be asking what love is if you're an older man, sorry.

LegacyUser

e04bf099 wrote: »

She wants you to move out to her? No, thats not even been mentioned and its not something i would imagine would happen anytime soon but of course i would be open to the ideas.

e04bf099 wrote: »

Its strange to be asking what love is if you're an older man, sorry.

I dont want to give too much away but i'm on the right side of 30 ;-).

e04bf099

I have tried telling her i dont think its a good idea but she doesn't want to listen or thinks it is and can work but i'm not so sure if it will. If i could id get up and go but little things like a visa for one, i dont have a degree either. I can think of all the negatives but not many positives.

That sounds like she wants you to move out to her. Sorry if I misinterpretted it:o

SheRa

Ok if you've never been in love before i can understand why its so difficult for you to define. I do think that thinking about her a lot can be an indication, but it could be lust or infatuation too. Does it make you happy to make her happy? Im not talking about grand gestures, but even buying her favourite bar of chocolate for her. If her happiness is as important to you as yours is i think thats a pretty good indication.

e04bf099

My measure, and I recommend this to all men, is: I love her if I don't become completely indifferent to her instantaneously after orgasm. That means that I find her attractive and care about her well-being after that attraction has mellowed and has turned to affection rather than indifference. The fact that this lad is confused just shows how confusing it is and how easy it is for our libidos to fool us. No idea what you should do, as life isn't a hollywood movie. Its often too impractical for people to end up with the women they love.

LegacyUser

SheRa wrote: »

If her happiness is as important to you as yours is i think thats a pretty good indication.

That goes with out saying. I'm not sure what this is i feel which i why i posted it up to get a few opinions. I have a better understanding of it today then i did yesterday from reading replies, it always helps to get to hear others opinions. The question is now what do i do next if anything. I'm not sure if i should tell her or just leave it, i dont think it would be very fair on her with the distance involved to come out with such a statement.

Peggypeg

Hey OP,

Just after reading all the other replies. I think everyone has a good point in one respect or another. It does sound like love to me (again I know, very hard to define if you haven't felt it before). If you love her, then it is worth trying I think. Maybe you should follow her lead, it sounds like she's mad into you herself. A long distance relationship is hard, or so I've heard, I've never had one myself. Maybe this could be a good time to just go with the flow? If it is causing you heartache and messing with your head then I'd say maybe get out but at the moment it kinda just sounds like you miss her? You never know what the future holds, maybe you could end up closer to her geographically. My advice would be to not decide anything one way or the other at the moment, just go with the flow. Then in a while you can re-evaluate the situation and if you're unhappy maybe think about what you want to do.

With regards to telling her you love her, I always think that you shouldn't really plan when to say it, you'll feel it and want to say it more than anything, that was my experience anyway.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

Peggypeg wrote: »

Hey OP,

Just after reading all the other replies. I think everyone has a good point in one respect or another. It does sound like love to me (again I know, very hard to define if you haven't felt it before). If you love her, then it is worth trying I think.

I agree, everyone including yourself have given good advice and of course i want to try but with long distance it makes soooo hard everyday.

Peggypeg wrote: »

Maybe you should follow her lead, it sounds like she's mad into you herself.

I met her friends and they all told me similar things but not her exactly but i think she maybe a bit shy in opening up.

Peggypeg wrote: »

My advice would be to not decide anything one way or the other at the moment, just go with the flow. Then in a while you can re-evaluate the situation and if you're unhappy maybe think about what you want to do.

I was starting to think this way as well, take it 1 day at time and see. I'm hoping either me or her will meet up very soon again just trying to organize time and dates at the moment.

Peggypeg wrote: »

With regards to telling her you love her, I always think that you shouldn't really plan when to say it, you'll feel it and want to say it more than anything, that was my experience anyway.

I wouldn't tell her over the phone or through an e-mail, i would tell her the next time i see her but as you say it has to be the right moment and even then i will need to 100% sure that i am and its infauation.

Thanks for the advice Peggypeg

Bodicea

I suppose there's only one way you are going to find out...and that is to go.

You could spend years wondering and wishing you had gone with your feelings. At least if you went and found out it was the wrong thing to do you could always come back, and move on, maybe meet someone else. If you went and found out it was the right thing to do..then you'll be in clover.

Angus Og

I know someone who went after a girl he fell in love with. He had to get a Russian visa, and in the end they were only friends, but I don't think he could have lived with himself if he hadn't gone.

Do you think Columbus could have lived with himself if he hadn't gone after America?

I know that's a strange way of putting it, but it's the same thing. There was a time when a man would move heaven and earth for the woman he loved, and I do think it sounds like love.

You'll never know if you don't put your neck on the line for her.

LegacyUser

Angus Og wrote: »

I know someone who went after a girl he fell in love with. He had to get a Russian visa, and in the end they were only friends, but I don't think he could have lived with himself if he hadn't gone.

Do you think Columbus could have lived with himself if he hadn't gone after America?

I know that's a strange way of putting it, but it's the same thing. There was a time when a man would move heaven and earth for the woman he loved, and I do think it sounds like love.

You'll never know if you don't put your neck on the line for her.

Nicely put, but just reading this makes me feel sick thinking about it and if as you i am in "love" then i just hope she doesn't knock me down because if she does i'll be doing a Ricky Hatton on the floor.

Angus Og

Try thinking of yourself as Rocky Balboa instead. No matter what happens don't give up. If it doesn't work out now, you'll still be able to come out of retirement and have another go.;)

LegacyUser

Angus Og wrote: »

Try thinking of yourself as Rocky Balboa instead. No matter what happens don't give up. If it doesn't work out now, you'll still be able to come out of retirement and have another go.;)

I wish had your optismisum on this but not so sure, maybe i'm afraid what she will say even though i know how she feels but i feel somewhat different. I'm going to just take it one day at time for now and wait till we see other again which i hope is sooner rather then later.

Peggypeg

Best of luck sweetie and if there's anything else come back to us, even if it just for a little moral support.

LegacyUser

Peggypeg wrote: »

Best of luck sweetie and if there's anything else come back to us, even if it just for a little moral support.

Peggypeg, dont worry i'll keep you updated on any further developments and thanks again your comments and advice.

LegacyUser

I'm back again....and weekend of me going mad. This girl is some 6,000 miles away from Ireland just to give you a bit more information. We have being texting, chatting on MSN and the phone since i was here last. The problem is i have this horrbile feeling of being jealous. I know she had loads of guy friends and it never bothered me before. I wouldnt consider myself the jealous type far from it but thinking about it over the weekend of her out with friends was driving me mad inside. I was with girls before and who where still friendly with ex's and it never bothered me before but this is. I know before we actually meet up and got together she told me about her guy friends and i met a few of them, all seemed really nice. I know i am thinking about things too much the last few weeks.

I got a private message from her friend asking if i had organized anything for Valentines day because when she mentioned it to me i just pawned it off that i had forgot but of course i haven't and i have spent a small sum with a couple of surprises that i know will blow her away, her friend was so excited she was going to be at the house on the day.

I wrote a really long e-mail last night which took me over two hours because i wanted it to be clear and to the point. I hate the way i am feeling at the minute to be hoenst. I can't talk to my friends about it and this is start to affect my everyday life including work and study and i told her i can't do this because of the effect its having on me the last few weeks. I know i wont just switch off and forget her, not straight away but over time hopefully. I really dont know how people can do long distance because for me its too hard and causes so much pain. The last year with texting, MSN, talking on the phone with her, i could easy forget about her durning on the day until i recevived a text or e-mail but it never occupied my mind to the extent it has done now. I haven't acutally sent the e-mail to her yet because i think i will wait until after sunday but i have cooled the texting the last few days and she senses something is up but i made excuses and told her i was just busy. I hate this feeling and will never again let myself get involved in a situation like this one no matter how much i like the person because its too hard.

I think i just needed to vent here more then anything but i didnt want to start a new thread plus not having anyone to talk makes it harder so this feels kinda therapeutic.