I can't help myself

LegacyUser

I'm an awful prick sometimes.
I think I'm very perceptive of people and I can often read between the lines and I understand why they or doing something or why they said what they said.
I can be sitting in a room and the whole group dynamic becomes clear to me immediately and straight away I am picking up on what people are saying and hearing the double meaning.
My general thought process is something like this
"Hes only trying to get in with your wan'"
"She has father issues"
"The two of them aren't really in love"
"That guy is trying to make himself look good because he fancies the girl in the corner but she doesn't seem to give a ****"
"This guy has seriously low self confidence, but hes being sarcastic with people to big himself up"

At only 21 apparently I'm unusual or so a therapist once told me.

Its stuff like this that I see, I can often tell when someone is taking the piss out of others purely to actually hurt them rather than just taking the piss like.
I sometimes think its all in my head but when I tell others about what I have observed they seem to think about it for a minute and then tell me that now that they think of it I'm prob right. But most just don't see it and they seem to just kinda play along

My problem is. I cant help but point out sometimes, to people what their true motives are.
Its like I just turn into an asshole, and its wrong to bring stuff like that up to people, I'm sure it could be very hurtful, but I just can't help because if they annoy me with it enough it just becomes very hard to keep it in.

Another thing is people who take the piss out of me, its like I can only take it as a joke with some people. Other people I think they are being genuinely nasty and hiding it by pretending to take the piss. When I pull people up on it I look like an even bigger asshole because I look like I can't take a joke, or like I have double standards.

I don't know what I'm looking for here.
I wish there was some way I could just switch this side of me off. I hate it to be honest, its like I cant be ****ing normal. I'm always seeing things in people like the deeper emotional issues.
Like this girl I know, I didn't really know her that well but after awhile I came to the conclusion that she was bullied in school for being spoiled/from a wealthy family/ babied. I was certain it was one of these.
Sure enough a few months later I get to know her a bit better and bingo.
Bullied in primary school for being rich and being a daddy's little girl.

I wish I could just not know these things and be ****ing normal!!
Its like that film about the kid who sees dead people, except I see living peoples problems written all over them.
There must be someway to shut it off? Most people can prob see these things too but they must have some way of coping? Why the hell cant I?
Thanks

sexdwarf

How can you be so sure that your 'insights' are so accurate all the time, sounds to me like you could be making snap judgements and decisions about people based on first impressions. We all do that sometimes but most of know not to make our initial prejudices known.

You can help making these thoughts known to people. It sounds to me like most of the time it's absolutely none of your business. You're not the only one to be perceptive, if that is what you are, and not just jumping to conclusions. We all see dynamics between people and traits that they probably don't see in themselves, it's all part of being human.

My advise would be to use your perceptiveness to be kinder to people and sensitive to their weaknesses and avoid throwing in your 2cents, which is only going to get people's backs up.

And don't forget to keep reminding yourself that you don't know the ins and outs of these people's lives, you don't know what they are dealing with privately, so remember that what you might be picking up on is usually only a small fragment of what makes up a person.

LegacyUser

You obviously can't just shut this off if it's part of who you are. I'd suggest putting this gift to good use and try helping people rather than using it to have digs at peope, you're just as bad as those people who you say are trying to hurt people by being sarcastic. Have you ever considered a career in counselling or some other career helping people?

theg81der

I have a similar problem its not going to make either of us popular. You should study psychology a bit. Its a mechanism of peoples brains to protect themselves, I think thats the bit we`re missing and also I think, I anyway, lack ego, thats what other peoples minds are protecting, the self.

I often feel like I`m outside a bubble looking in. I have a strong belief that people are first and foremost animal they seem to be a slave to their instinct while trying to camouflage it in modern society, even as a group, people seem to have silent agreements to pretend things.

There is no point saying anything to people nature will run its course and they are just going to behave in the way you expect, I presume you can easily see what will happen next too.

If you are religious, which I am, you should look into near death experiences. In some of them people describe everyone in the world being connected in the after life no hiding you motives or feeling no embarrasement or fear of what others will think because we move as one and know each ones moves, thoughts, feeling etc before we`ve even had them so I think our lines were never drawn in we don`t have that barrier to people and that attachment to self.

I am crap at explaining does anything make sense?

Babooshka

Hi

Sounds like you're being as hard on yourself as you can be on everyone else? I don't know what therapist you saw /are seeing, but I'd say that telling you that you're unusual was just one comment of many interspersed into your therapy and wasn't a general diagnosis, we're all made up of many different traits.

Maybe you can't switch it off, but maybe you can use it for good as opposed to judging or criticising what it is you see about others that annoys you. Or just see it and let it go on through your psyche like a passing truck. You don't have to tell people, even if people are aware of what is happening and their behaviours, they cannot help themselves most of the time . What do you want from people anyway, what sort of perfect behaviour code is everyone supposed to follow? Everyone has behavioural patterns resulting from different factors, that's why therapy and psychology exist, if we were all behaving in the same way without our own personal issues and motives, there wouldn't be any issues to solve would there?

There's absoultely no such thing as a normal person by the way. Even if he looks normal, there's some quirks to him.

Sounds like you can't stop analysing and you need to find an outlet which puts you out of observer mode and into situations with your whole self and not just like someone watching a movie. Are you still in therapy and have you discussed how much this is affecting you? You may need some skills which help you to develop filters which will help you stop soaking everyone elses stuff in like a sponge....good luck with it

Peggypeg

I'm just wondering why you even find it so interesting; what others do and why. I mean are you just sitting there analysing everyone instead of joining in? And yeah I have to tell you, if I met you and you gave me your unprofessional analyses of me I wouldn't like you either (unless it was positive but that doesn't sound like what you do). You sound completely arrogant, you're so great you can understand why and what people are doing and what their motivations are. Come on now, would you like the meet the person I've just described? I wonder are you just noticing things that is obvious to everyone and it's just you that comes out and says the things. Do you have some kind of standard that you expect people to live by? That would be arrogant AND judgemental. Why do you feel the need to tell people what you think, is it to help them or just to show people how amazingly insightful you are? All of the examples you gave are just examples of human interaction. If people feel like you look down on them for displaying human behaviour I can understand why they'd think you're a pr*ck. My advice would be shut up unless something constructive can come of it, otherwise you're just a guy that says mean things (it's immaterial whether they're accurate or not) for no reason. To break it down to the very basics, people do not like having their faults pointed out to them when they don't ask and keep your mouth shut unless you've something nice to say or if what you say will actually be positive for someone.

Best of luck.

Curry Addict

it sounds like, u are maybe very self righteous, need to control or be the power. its one thing reading the group dynamic like most people do naturally but u feel u need to act on it because u can read it and therefore your level of thinking is above others. well, u probably need to simply realise, that almost everyone reads the group dynamic and chose to let it flow rather than disturb it.

jared86

Everyone picks up on a few things from others and makes up their minds about them accordingly. It's about having the respect to let them be.

LegacyUser

Dont let this gift freak you out, some have it, some dont. Be very sensitive with what you get from others and what youre telling them. Try to use it for good reasons, dont let them know what youve felt, seen or heard just be there for them if you think they might need you.

One of my expieriences with this "gift" is when relatives of friends are in hospital for serious reasons, I know if they come out alive or dead. I would never tell anybody about it, Im trying to be there for them in hard times.

There is no way to shut it off, the sooner you learn to live with it, the easier it gets. You will meet people along the way who are similar, accept yourself the way you are and be very very sensitive.

AnonoBoy

gifted wrote: »

One of my expieriences with this "gift" is when relatives of friends are in hospital for serious reasons, I know if they come out alive or dead. I would never tell anybody about it, Im trying to be there for them in hard times.

That's not what the OP is talking about. They're not saying they're psychic but rather that they can read people very well.

Kimia

Reading people very well is common of adults who when they were children had to keep the peace all the time. It was usually because one or both of the parents were emotionally unhealthy (could be drink, violence, depression etc) and the child becomes so attuned to other people's emotions he or she can because extremely intuitive to what other people are feeling. I'm like this myself.

Recognise it for what it is - an extreme coping mechanism when you feel out of your depth. It's probably now such an automatic thing that you probably will always have these intuitions about people but don't worry about them, start work on yourself instead. Discover why you felt you had to be so 'on top of' what other people are feeling and start trying to make yourself happy instead of worrying about other people.

Just keep a tongue in your head and realise that just because you think someting about someone doesn't automatically mean that you need to talk to them about it. You only need to worry about yourself - let other people get on with their own lives.

So you can read people well, big deal. So can I. So can lots of people. It's not exactly rocket science to realise that a guy is trying to get with a girl or someone is sarcastic to mask their insecurities.

Being able to read people well has its upsides and downsides, but one thing you just shouldn't do is try to tell people what they are thinking/feeling/doing. It's rude and pointless, 99% of the time and also, your feelings might not even be right. I absolutely snap when some pr*ck comes over and tries to psychoanalyse me based on my facial expression or the joke I just made. It's unbelievably condescending, and most of the time, wrong. As someone else said, you don't know what people are dealing with in their private lives. Someone acting a bit hyper and telling jokes, you could think, 'oh they're trying to impress X, they're being fake' etc, when in fact they've just learned that a close relative has cancer or received some other bad news and are trying to put on a brave face. The type of person who likes to psychoanalyse is usually strangely lacking in empathy, from what I've observed, and is oblivious to the fact that someone could be going through a bad time or have other issues that are not at all apparent from a superficial conversation.

LegacyUser

I know I sound like a prick. Maybe I am one.
But I'm never genuienly nasty about it, its usually while coming to someone else's defence.
Maybe I am more perceptive than other people, but if I'm not why don't others have this problem? How do they deal with it?
I suppose group dynamics piss me off alot, I was bullied alot while I was younger so when I see this stuff happening, thats not neccesarily bullying just a pecking order emerging. It gets my back up.
This is actually strange typing this because I never really thought about it???
Maybe I'm pointing it out to people so I can show that I don't fall into the pecking order anywhere??
It makes it hard for me to have groups of friends I think, because its always there and so obvious.

To be honest I've only ever pointed out what I think are someones real motives, a few times in my life and only while very annoyed.
But I've always been pretty brazen about airing any group dynamics I see. I'll usually just announce it when someone mentions about how great it is that we all get along so well or something. I mean that can't be right. I shouldn't feel the need to do that.
Sometimes its like other people know these things too but its like a taboo subject that you're not supposed to mention. Or else when I say it I blow them out of a weird comfort zone. Like they are happy where they sit on the ladder, and I come along like a ****ing wanker that I am and just have to announce that the ****ing ladder exists to make myself feel better?

I dunno, just sometimes it seems like, theres something else around people. Kind of a weird mask type thing like everyone is pretending to be what they want to be rather than what they are?? See this makes no sense, theres probably something wrong with me.

FFS I know whats going on in other peoples heads but I haven't a clue about me!!

tenchi-fan

Hi
It's a very good skill to have - it just means your a good judge of character.
I'm a very poor judge of character unfortunately. I will generally be oblivious to most people in a room and their motives. Once someone gives me a heads-up I can analyse the situation.

Recently I find myself trying to force myself to see the blatantly obvious!

You're obviously the complete opposite. It seems you just get a kick from having this enhanced perception.

Maybe you should force yourself to tone it down a bit, especially if you're coming across as condescending or cocky

In fairness it's not the worst thing you can do, especially when you're stopping someone else from being bullied. My brother is brilliant at reading people and he's a good judge of character. Unfortunately, he's the most manipulative little b****** I know and he's a worse person for it.

K_P

Your second post actually makes a lot of sense and you're not coming across as quite as arrogant as other posters have accused you of being.

I think the main problem is not that you have a gift of reading people, as that is something that many many people have. Your problem as I see it is that you're failing to properly engage with people. You're focusing on observing pecking orders and group dynamics rather than being part of a group yourself. You're people-watching. That can be an interesting way to pass the time once in a while but it's no way to carry on friendships.

There will always be group dynamics when people interact. There will very very often be pecking orders within groups - that doesn't automatically make people within that group vulnerable to bullying. Everyone pretty much always tries to project the best version of themselves to others around them - that doesn't mean they're hiding behind a mask. That's normal everyday human interaction.

I'm not sure what to advise you other than just try and get over it. Human intertaction isn't going to change. If you ever want to be part of it as opposed to an outside observer you're going to have to stop thinking the way you do and you definitely have to stop announcing your insights. Maybe if you keep in mind that everyone else more than likely sees what you see that might stop you announcing it. While you think you're exposing some esoteric social and psychological truths, other people won't be astounded by your insight, but rather will be wondering why the hell you're pointing out the bleedin' obvious.

You seem pretty genuine OP, so I hope you figure this out.

Dark Phoenix

Did you ever think that maybe there is someone else in the group looking at you and thinking 'That person reckons they are smart and have us all figured out and is trying to make themself look special by pointing it out to us'.

I am quite perceptive its usually what you would call emotional intelligence I can usually tell if someone is lying and can usually see the actual person beneath their outer persona. I find however that few people actually have bad intentions. Many people come across as arrogant / cocky/ rude when really they are nervous/insecure/upset. So I wonder are you really seeing the emotion underneath or are you just interpreting their behaviour because you seem to see a lot of negativity in others.

Even if you are interpreting it I think drawing attention to it or pointing it out is the worst thing you can do. People do not like to be analysed or to have their motives for their behavour examined or broadcasted - and why should they?
If someone is insecure and copes by cracking jokes to get chatting to a crowd then really what is the harm would you rather they sat there and were introvert?

If you think you have this ability then use it for something good. See the good side of people and their real emotions and try touse this to win them over and get on with them. Its getting intop the realm of NLP and EI but its far more beneficial than what you are doing. If you can understand someone motivation and their behaviour you can work with them as opposed to against them maybe reading up on something like NLP would help you.

either way stop pointing out peoples flaws or you will become very umnpopular

Slattery86

shut it off wrote: »

I'm an awful prick sometimes.
I think I'm very perceptive of people and I can often read between the lines and I understand why they or doing something or why they said what they said.
I can be sitting in a room and the whole group dynamic becomes clear to me immediately and straight away I am picking up on what people are saying and hearing the double meaning.
My general thought process is something like this
"Hes only trying to get in with your wan'"
"She has father issues"
"The two of them aren't really in love"
"That guy is trying to make himself look good because he fancies the girl in the corner but she doesn't seem to give a ****"
"This guy has seriously low self confidence, but hes being sarcastic with people to big himself up"

At only 21 apparently I'm unusual or so a therapist once told me.

Its stuff like this that I see, I can often tell when someone is taking the piss out of others purely to actually hurt them rather than just taking the piss like.
I sometimes think its all in my head but when I tell others about what I have observed they seem to think about it for a minute and then tell me that now that they think of it I'm prob right. But most just don't see it and they seem to just kinda play along

My problem is. I cant help but point out sometimes, to people what their true motives are.
Its like I just turn into an asshole, and its wrong to bring stuff like that up to people, I'm sure it could be very hurtful, but I just can't help because if they annoy me with it enough it just becomes very hard to keep it in.

Another thing is people who take the piss out of me, its like I can only take it as a joke with some people. Other people I think they are being genuinely nasty and hiding it by pretending to take the piss. When I pull people up on it I look like an even bigger asshole because I look like I can't take a joke, or like I have double standards.

I don't know what I'm looking for here.
I wish there was some way I could just switch this side of me off. I hate it to be honest, its like I cant be ****ing normal. I'm always seeing things in people like the deeper emotional issues.
Like this girl I know, I didn't really know her that well but after awhile I came to the conclusion that she was bullied in school for being spoiled/from a wealthy family/ babied. I was certain it was one of these.
Sure enough a few months later I get to know her a bit better and bingo.
Bullied in primary school for being rich and being a daddy's little girl.

I wish I could just not know these things and be ****ing normal!!
Its like that film about the kid who sees dead people, except I see living peoples problems written all over them.
There must be someway to shut it off? Most people can prob see these things too but they must have some way of coping? Why the hell cant I?
Thanks

Shut it off,

You come across as what is generally referred to as an introvert. Introverts are apparently but a quarter of the population, but still a significant (and misunderstood) minority at that. You must remember two things, first of all is that introverts are often deeper, earthier, more insightful and more investigative of the world at large, whereas those who are considered extroverts love, and thrive on gossip, small talk and chit chat. In fact gossip, small talk and chit chat are like petrol for the extrovert’s engine, whereas thinking, contemplating and learning are the fuels which keeps the introvert’s mind and body going.

I’m with you on this, and also with you on how you are. It is more important for many of us to focus on worldly issues, and of their implications on ordinary life- as opposed to discussing “what Mary told Angela about yer man”, “whether Frank likes corn flakes or toast for breakfast”, or “Jody and John in Coronation street have started to get flirty, whereas Maurice thinks Wendy…….” etc. down in the pub every Friday or Saturday night.

Very boring, irrelevant, nonsensical stuff,. Many of us stick to the important things in life like thinking, learning and contemplating our place in the world. There is nothing wrong with you, don’t mind anybody else who just waste money on drink down in the pub, and fake an interest in trite, boring topics and conversations just to fit in. At least you’re not attempting to change them remember, whereas they (extroverts) will insist that you join them down in the local for a discussion about coronation street, fair city, Jordan’s latest hairstyle, the local gossip etc.

And remember, they also hysterically and irrationally fear people they don’t understand (introverts), much as medieval people hysterically and irrationally feared supposed witches and sorcerers.

Keep real and best of luck with the studying and body language analysing in future as this is what psychology as a profession partly consists of- that is providing you want to work in that particular field in future.