Met great guy, but I've never been in a relationship

LegacyUser

I met this great guy about six weeks ago. He’s so nice and friendly and we get on really well, share great laughs and enjoy each others company. We’ve been on about five dates so far and all went really well.

My problem is I’ve never had a boyfriend or never been in a relationship before and I’m still a virgin at 24.

I suppose really I’m afraid that if it gets to the stage we develop a relationship, I’m afraid that all may be ruined because I’ve had no partners before meeting this guy. I’ve had this same problem with other guys in the past, always thinking that I would be a disappointment to them because I was a virgin and that’s why I’ve pushed them away and because of that I’ve let some fabulous guys slip away. I know some say that a guy will totally respect me for waiting to find someone that I am completely comfortable with before sleeping together but in the back of my mind I’ll still feel like I’m letting him down by being a disappointment to him. I also fear this could jeopardise everything we would have built up to date.

I’ve been single for so long, finally found this great guy that I really like and vice-versa but this issue is seriously holding me back and upsetting me.

I’m dreading saying it to him if and when the issue ever arises between us. I suppose hand on my heart I feel embarrassed about being my age and still being a virgin and so fear his reaction even if he is an understanding guy etc.

Are there any other people in the same boat? Should I tell him even at this early stage in our relationship that I’ve never been with anyone before or had any rel’s or boyfriends etc?
Also If it arises between us, how do I approach the situation that I've never slept with anyone before?

Thanks for all your help and advice

Lillylilly

First of all, I'd like to say fair play to you for waiting for the right boy before you go jumping into bed with him!
All relationships are different, so each time you enter into one- it feels new and you seem inexperienced. Don't worry! Everyone has those butterfly nerves and stuff! You're no different.
I wouldn't think that it's important for you to launch into the "I'm a virgin and never had a boyfriend" talk. It will all come out in natural progression.
You clearly have a connection with him so just go with the flow. If he tries to get fresh, just tell him you want to wait. He should respect that- if he doesn't, then he doesn't deserve you.

Good luck

Msirishbell

If he's the right guy he'll wait till your ready. So wait till you feel comfortable and if he's smart he'll realise that when it does happen its a great compliment to him that you felt comfortble enough with him.

LegacyUser

Why do you feel the need to tell him that you're a virgin? I'd hold off and see how it goes first. Maybe down the line (assuming all goes well) if you feel comfortable about it you could confide in him.

theg81der

Op from everything I know about men your perfect, every guys dream. You don`t have to do anything guys will think its hot that your a virgin. Don`t worry sex is not that hard look at all the stupid people doing it every day .
Don`t stress about it thou till you get to that stage no point preempting problems, relax and enjoy dating this lovely guy.
And the fact that you haven`t been in a relationship is a good thing you haven`t developed any bad habits and your not bring any crap into it with you. Enjoy it all bet we`d all love the oppurtunity to be back where you are.

mood

Just relax about it. It's not that big a deal really and you will realise that on day. Don't rush to tell him. Get to know him better. But I would tell him before you do get to the bedroom stage (assuming thing go well). I'm sure he won't have a problem with it at all.

LegacyUser

sunflower10 wrote: »

I met this great guy about six weeks ago. He’s so nice and friendly and we get on really well, share great laughs and enjoy each others company. We’ve been on about five dates so far and all went really well.

My problem is I’ve never had a boyfriend or never been in a relationship before and I’m still a virgin at 24.


Thanks for all your help and advice

Hi Op,

I was in the same boat to yourself and met someone who I really liked alot and when it came to the crunch, I went the route of not letting on. I winged it,never told him it was my first anything because I was morto at my age - just a year short of yours. And I would say (and hope) to this day he doesn't know any different. It was a bit nerveracking but exciting at the same time, but I suppose I'm just someone who would never admit to it. And maybe its testiment to the relationship too that I couldn't confide in him because it didn't last past a year.

It makes me feel alot better to know I'm not the only one out there who was waiting for the right person (So thank you for that).

From most people's point of view, my decision would probably not be the one that would be advised to you. Not admitting the situation was the best way for me but for you it may not.
It may be better for you to share this with your b/f (if thats what you consider him at this point) so that he can make the experience better for you. Since you've waited this long, you deserve it!

Anyway good luck what eva you do.

LegacyUser

OP here. Thanks so much for all your replies and advice, I really appreciate all your help and take it all on board.

I still fear the moment of telling him (or another guy if it dosn't work out with this guy) that I've never been with anyone and his reaction and worse still the thought of him going back to his friends and discussing it with them.

amtc

I',m 36 and confessed that I had never enjoyed anything until I was 34....my current was very proud of me. Much about being intimate is just that and learning together. I regret when I was 21 that I just thought 'better get rid of that'...so enjoy. Honestly a man is so pleased to be in bed with a girl that you could do anything!

LegacyUser

OP, you sound like my gf 2 years ago - she was a year older than you, never had a bf and was also a virgin, and from talking about it since she felt pretty much exactly like you do. If you really like this guy, let him know that you're nervous about things, if he's a good guy he won't mind taking the time to get to know you before things go that far.
My gf didn't tell me she was a virgin until after we had done it, but we did wait a while, and it was so worth the wait - I was a bit shocked, but also so impressed and actually thrilled that she thought I was the one she had been waiting for - seriously could a man get a bigger compliment!
Look just enjoy getting to know him and when you feel like the time is right to take it further just do it, let him know if you're nervous and he should be considerate of your feelings and take it as easy as you want. Good luck and hope it works out - 2 years on we are so in love and we laugh now at how nervous she was, good memories!

newmember2

amtc wrote: »

...Honestly a man is so pleased to be in bed with a girl that you could do anything!

:D:D:D


If I was this guy and we were considering sex and you told me this would be your first-time, I would be totally honoured and probably a bit nerve-wracked to make sure you totally enjoyed it and that it was a good experience for you.

You've never had sex with anyone else. How on earth is this a bad thing?

T "real deal" J

It's not a big deal that you're a virgin. you know him well enough now to know if he's judgemental. Personally I wouldn't care. He could be a virgin you never know.

In fact, there's no real onus on you to tell him you're a virgin. if you go to sleep with him, or if he brings it up, then you can tell him.

Aibreann

Don't hurry if you are not ready. It is not a bad thing if you are still a virgin. If he's a good person and he cares for you, he will wait and when you will feel ready to go to the next step, everything will be good.
Just get to know him better, 6 weeks is not a long time.