I think my 'lesbian' friend might like me [I'm a guy]

LegacyUser

I'm an almost 17 y/o guy and I have a female friend who is a few years older in my school.

She says she's a lesbian [but she's had a few boyfriends in the past, and even slept with some]. Despite this, my friend asked her before if she could be bi and she freaked out saying no she was definitely gay.

The thing is, I really like her and I know she'd make a great best friend but she'd also make a really great girlfriend. She's always kind of playing/flirting with me, standing up for me, and she's even said numerous times to other people that she thought i was a pretty good looking guy. One time she even said it when I was sitting right beside her. Also, whenever me and my friends go sit down in our canteen area she usually comes in a few minutes later and sits down right beside me and basically focuses all her attention on me, starts poking me, etc.

But she's also said before that I should go out to meet her friends because they're really hot and I'd like them. So that seems more like she's trying to be a friend more than anything else. [Although she's definitely a threesome kind of person so perhaps that's what she's leaning towards!]

I don't really want to mess up being friends with her by asking her anything too direct, but I'm not sure what to do.

I'm also pretty bad with the whole relationships thing. I wouldn't even say I've even been in a relationship, just some VERY short-term stuff with a couple of girls as I have this extreme lack of confidence thing going on [although I'm slowly managing to reprimand it]. So quite frankly I'm very introverted, but in contrast, she's VERY extroverted [at least on the outside].

And as odd as it may seem I really like extroverted girls, I think they're good for me. They tend to bring me out of myself a little and make me more confident, etc. and get me to do things I wouldn't even think of doing otherwise. So she's a good influence that way, and even if we were just friends she's still a good influence in that same way.

Anyway, thanks for any advice!

theg81der

Hi Op!

I`d safely say she likes you. I doubt she`s a lesbian, she wouldn`t be so interested in you if she was. Some girls just think guys are into it so they pretend, like the girls who pretend they like football, cars etc so they have something in common with the guy they like.

opinion guy

To be honest, maybe she likes you, maybe she doesn't. But this situation has teenage 90210 melodrama written all over it. Now thats not meant to be harsh on you since you are a teenager, but if she's a couple of years older.....eekk. Alls I say is my very limited experience with a sexually confused preference switching female she was a total complete and utter emotional melodramatic basketcase and i wish i'd never laid eyes on her.

but then i may be biased. and maybe at your age you need to learn this stuff for yourself. just ask yourself this: do you think it would involve lots of drama and are you ready to deal with all that drama to be able to say you slept with a lesbian ? (is there an element of bragging rights aobut your interest ?) And obviously you need to consider losing a friend. Possibly she really is a lesbian and thinks of you as a close friend and would be really insulted/shocked by your interest. But then maybe you could tease it out of her first "do you only like girls or like boys a bit ?" kind of thing

LegacyUser

hi op,

This sounds like a bit of a tricky situation. Just because this girl has slept with guys in the past doesn't mean that she is not a lesbian. I myself am a lesbian and have many lesbian friends who have slept with guys, mainly when they were trying to figure themselves out kind of thing. I can't say I am one of those lesbians, but anyways what I am trying to say is she may well be a lesbian who has just slept with men in the past while confused or maybe not accepting of her sexuality.

I have a male friend who I joke around with and poke and do funny stuff with all the time, but I feel at ease doing this and messing because I know he knows I am a lesbian and there is nothing romantic between us. Just a good friendship. It's a possibility that that is where this girl is coming from also.

Honestly the above is just from my own personal experience, I don't know this girl or have seen her behaviour so I could be completely wrong about things. I think just go with the situation for the moment and see where it takes you.

Monkey61

From the perspective of a gay girl OP - I really doubt that she is interested in you as anything more than a friend.

She has said she is gay, she has also said that she wants to set you up with her friends....seriously, there's not even reading between the lines to be done here - I don't know how much more plain she can be with you.

So she sits beside you and has a laugh with you? That's what people, especially girls, do with their friends. Some people are naturally flirtatious and a bit touchy feely - I am like that with a lot of my male friends. It is nice to be able to do that without worrying for a second that they think I am coming on to them. She has told you that she is gay and thus not interested in you in that way and so she has the space to relax and have a giggle with you.

So she has said she thinks you are good looking? OP that's nothing more or less than a compliment. She is stating a fact. Saying someone is good looking is very different than saying that you want to sleep with someone. I would often tell friends - male or female - that I thought they were good looking etc as it is nice to give friends an ego boost.

I would advise though, if you are holding a torch for this girl, to maybe put a bit of distance between you guys for a bit. It is not fair for her to think you have a friendship if you are just lusting after her all the time. But honestly she sounds like a lovely friend, a good ego boost and someone who really cares about you. You have said yourself that you haven't much experience in this and that is why you are reading waaaay to much inot her behaviour.

Anyway - why not have her introduce you to these hot friends. No doubt she will be bigging you up to them so who knows what might happen there!

baby and crumble

Yeah, as a gay girl I have to agree with previous posters who've advised you to mind your step... My absolute best friend in the world is a guy, and we flirt outrageously with each other even he's married and I'm with my GF 6 years... It's just the way we both are (I am an horrendous, flirt, really really terrible for it...), but it's nice to have that kind of a relationship without having to worry that someone thinks it's more than it is.

If she's a few years older than you, I doubt sincerely she's having an identity crisis, especially if she's come out and everything. You don't do that lightly, especially in school in Ireland, and being so vehement about not being bi definitely speaks volumes.

All in all, OP, I'd reckon she's a really good friend, and that's all that's going to happen. She's told you she's gay, so you need to respect that.

prinz

opinion guy wrote: »

To be honest, maybe she likes you, maybe she doesn't. But this situation has teenage 90210 melodrama written all over it....just ask yourself this: do you think it would involve lots of drama and are you ready to deal with all that drama to be able to say you slept with a lesbian?

+1 on this. Seems a bit odd that someone who doesn't have experience in relationships/extreme lack of confidence with the opposite sex would at the same time be able to describe someone as "definitely a threesome sort of person". I'd suggest you lay off the lads mags for a while.

Monkey61 wrote: »

So she sits beside you and has a laugh with you? That's what people, especially girls, do with their friends. Some people are naturally flirtatious and a bit touchy feely - I am like that with a lot of my male friends. It is nice to be able to do that without worrying for a second that they think I am coming on to them.

:pac: I'm like that with some of my friends and we're straight males :pac:

seamus

Your 17-year-old body is screaming with hormones and is basically urging you to get on top of anything you can. This involves messing with your head to make you think that the sideways glance you get off that girl in the checkout queue is an indicator that she wants to tear of all your clothes and ride you seven ways from Sunday.

This is no different really. There's an attractive girl that you know and your baser self wants you to have sex with her, so it makes you think that she's interested in you.

She says she's gay. Take that as a given and don't give yourself any reason to doubt it unless she specifically says otherwise. Do as she says, and use her as an in to get introduced to straight women (though don't *use* her).

LegacyUser

OK thanks for all the replies.

I won't get into the deets really but we were alone talking about our "types" today at school and it ended up with her kissing me, and when I asked about her being a lesbian she was kind of like "Dunno, I guess you're the exception". It was strangely not awkward. And we're even better friends now and she wants to help me learn some stuff about girls from her lot of experience. So it's a hot lesbian best friend mentor casual *** friend kinda thing. Odd.

Thanks again feel free to close/remove this thread.