Would you give a 3rd chance?

LegacyUser

Basicly,i never knew my dad while i was growing up,my mum raised me alone,until she met my now stepdad.
A few years back i traced and contacted my birth dad who was spending time in prison,and tru letters we started to bond.All was going great,and he explained that he was young and imature and if he could live his life all over again he would never have let me out of his life.
My problem now is that he spent his first christmas ouside of prison this year and i heard nothing from him-no letters,phone calls.He sent me a present and card early december,but since then-nothing.
I feel very hurt and let down and am now starting to think that maybe he hasnt changed all that much,since he didnt contact his daughter for the first christmas ever that it was possible,with no prison officers,long phone ques ect.
I dont know how to feel now,but this issue is playing on my mind 24/7...i feel like a little rejected kid all over again!
Do i tell him how i feel?do i aprouch him with anger?or am i over reacting?

AvaKinder

Hey hun,
I had a really ****ty dad, and for reasons i won't go into spent years at a time not seeing him, and now i probably won't see him again.

I really think that if you do want to have a real relationship with him you need to be upfront with how this made you feel. It's really scary to try and do that when you're afraid of being rejected but he needs to know that he can't keep doing that to you because if he does, you're better off not seeing him. You really don't want to end up feeling like this everytime he flakes on you.

But maybe if you explain to him, he will see where you're coming from and try a little hard. He's probably going through a hard time just being released as well, and maybe he just hasn't gotten used to the idea that there's someone relying on him.

Defintely talk to him about it and tell him how you feel.

theg81der

Hi Op!

Its a difficult stage where no one knows whats expected of them. Maybe he was afraid to push you, maybe he`s trying to develope things slowly... hard to know but it`s early days.
I would start with a weekly phonecall keep it light, if you really need to say something I would casually through in a "where did you disappearr to xmas" and a "you can give me a call whenever I like to hear from you".
He got you a card and present so he certainly is putting thought and consideration into you, maybe he`s afraid to screw up, might be a recurring thing in his life.
Anyway put yourself out there lifes to short to hide behind fear, if he reject you (which I feel sure he won`t) handle it then, don`t preempt problems.

Good luck Op

LegacyUser

Thank you for the replies.I have still heard nothing,but have decided to write him a letter and just see if he replies,in this letter i will not bring up the lack of effort on his part,but just general chit chat.
It has been 6yrs since i first contacted him,so i would have thought by now things shoul be running smoothly!
Also he has 2 daughters,both of whom are older then me and seems to get on great with them,from what i hear.I supose i just feel a bit left out,as they refuse to meet me/acknoledge me.

goose2005

He was probably just awkward about it, thought you'd be doing your own thing and didn't want to butt in in case he wasn't wanted? He did send a card and gift after all.