SOOO CONFUSED !!!!!

alpha2010

okay ill get straight to it.
me and bf have been going out for 19 months. i was 16 when we first started meeting and he was the first person i had ever kissed.

about two months later i went to my graduation and i kissed 2 guys from my year.. i kinda felt guilty because i was meeting my now bf.. but i thought to myself i shouldn't be feeling guilty because we weren't even going out at the time

anyways 2 months later after this, my bf went to England to visit his brother and they went clubbing with some friends, he ended up kissing one of his brothers friends (girl) :P

at this stage were still not together.. so anyways fast forward to valentines day 2009.. he was now my bf and we had been together 8 months. he got real emotional and basically explained to me that he had kissed a girl while i was meeting him. i got kinda of upset because he told me this on valentines day i know i shouldn't of got upset but i did the same .. but got over it really quickly

i was too afraid to tell him about what i did because he thought wat he did was a big deal.. i told him 2 days later when we saw each other again.. i shud of told him straight away buy anyways i told him who i met, he flipped because he knew them and hated them

see my bf went to the same school as me but he had to leave because he was getting bullied because of his size.. he lost all the weight eventually but still traumatized over how school was from him
he got sooo upset because these 2 lads had bullied him and he was shocked that i would kiss people like that .. but i never knew they were horrible to him because they were really nice to me in school i got on well with them

anyways we got over it EVENTUALLY, but sometimes he gets upset about it and calls me dirt for meeting those fellas saying there scumbags.. they now are so I agree with him but they werent when i was in school.. it upsets me so much him calling me these names. its not my fault that they bullied him.

he said he is gonna hold this against me for the rest of my life. I tell him i shouldn't feel guilty for meeting them because i wasn't with him at the time and i liked them. your prob thinking slut for meeting 2 people.. i know i know i was really drunk, everyone was but i do regret it but my boyfriend shouldn't be holding this against me or is he right ??? i keep tellin him he is being immature

im so confused.. any advice.???.

sorry for long post

Peggypeg

Sweetie,

I'd say get rid of him, way too much drama at 17! So what you met 2 fellas in one night? At your age I'd have bets with my friends on who could meet the most fellas!!! I'm far from a slut sweetie and so are you, don't ever let a man threat you like one either. And like you say, you weren't with him properly at that time and you didn't know he been bullied by those guys. Like, granted he had a right to be a little shocked and maybe a little pissed at you but he should have been well calmed down after a day or so. If he can't get over that he really shouldn't be in a steady relationship. Everyone has a history it's unfortunate that yours kinda interlapped with the time between meeting your bf and actually going out with him.

Don't be apologising anymore, you've already done that. The next time he yells at you or calls you names say the following "If you think I'm going to hang around and take verbal abuse and guilt trips from you, you can go f*ck yourself, I've better things to be doing!*!*!*!".

On the other hand, if you're absolutely mad about him, just tell him calmly that you are not interested in being made to feel bad anymore and if it doesn't go back to being fun and not so intense soon then you'll have no other choice but to break up with him.

Either way sweetie, the shouting and name calling stops NOW!

jenga-jen

Hi OP,

So you were both unofficially seeing each other (meeting ) and both of you kissed other people? So his issue is with the type of people that you kissed ("scumbags")?

Quite frankly, if they hadn't bullied him how would he have known?! Perhaps you would've thought he was 'dirt' for the type of girl he kissed in England!

If you had known what the 2 lads in question had done to your bf and still kissed them then maybe I could understand where his anger is coming from.

However, at 17/18 it's seriously worrying that your boyfriend thinks that he has the right to be abusive and call you names over something that happened before you technically started going out.

You've been honest with him and explained that you didn't realise who these two lads were, it's time for him to grow up and get over it OR man up and admit that he can't so that you can decide whether you want to stay with someone who could continue to treat you so horribly.

alpha2010

well see my bf was in my class and one of the lads i kissed was also in my class so my bf cant understand how i didn't notice the bullying and i explained to him that i had a lot of stuff going on at the time i don't think i took any notice of the bullying

nearly everyone slagged him for his weight cause he was the only big lad in our year.. so was i not to like any of these people because this happened when they were in 2nd/ 3rd year and by the time my bf left school they had all become more mature and i got on well with them.

i explained that he cant hold it against me but he said leave me then ..

but i love him so much.. i really don't wanna break up over this but i just wish he could understand my point of view

i feel horrible when he calls these lads names because i kissed them.. so its kind of insulting for me too, i don't slag who he kissed.. even though he cant remember what she looked like or her name

Ickle Magoo

alpha2010 wrote: »

well see my bf was in my class and one of the lads i kissed was also in my class so my bf cant understand how i didn't notice the bullying and i explained to him that i had a lot of stuff going on at the time i don't think i took any notice of the bullying

nearly everyone slagged him for his weight cause he was the only big lad in our year.. so was i not to like any of these people because this happened when they were in 2nd/ 3rd year and by the time my bf left school they had all become more mature and i got on well with them.

i explained that he cant hold it against me but he said leave me then ..

but i love him so much.. i really don't wanna break up over this but i just wish he could understand my point of view

i feel horrible when he calls these lads names because i kissed them.. so its kind of insulting for me too, i don't slag who he kissed.. even though he cant remember what she looked like or her name

Seems like double standards which are being over-inflated by your bf because he knows the people you kissed. I think at 17 and considering how ridiculous he's being you have to tell him to get over it and come back you when he has. There is no point begging forgiveness for not actually doing anything wrong or taking on his issues by apologising for snogging those particular boys. Ask him to move on and cool things for a while and give him the time to come to terms with it. If he can't, you'd be better off with a fella that isn't going to hold you accountable for doing things when you weren't even with him. Best of luck.

alpha2010

well its been a year since he knows, and still when we argue its been brought up he said he has trust issues since that ...like i know i cant be with someone if they don't trust me but i love him and we always talk about the future together

hopefully he gets over it because its really affecting our relationship

jenga-jen

alpha2010 wrote: »

well its been a year since he knows, and still when we argue its been brought up he said he has trust issues since that ...like i know i cant be with someone if they don't trust me but i love him and we always talk about the future together

hopefully he gets over it because its really affecting our relationship

I'm sorry OP but at your age, relationships should be fun! Even when there are such strong feelings involved and of course there'll be arguments, you should be having fun and enjoying being with each other without serious work/college/rent etc types of stress.

The fact he's still hanging on to something so relatively minor since it happened before you were together is a warning for you. Either this is how he deals with relationships, ie verbal abuse and guilt, OR he has unresolved issues with this bullying and he needs to speak to someone about it.

Whichever it is, if he's not willing to sort out the cause then you need to decide whether at 17 life's just too short to put up with someone regularly making you feel like sh1t for something that had nothing to do with him when it happened.