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partners child

  • 28-01-2010 1:36pm
    #1
    pw01
    Closed Accounts Posts: 168 ✭✭


    Is any1 in a relationsip with a man that has a child?

    i need to hear how it went, i no its a big comitment and would like to know how any1 else has got on


Comments

  • #2
    Aibreann
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 78 ✭✭Aibreann


    Lot of people dated men/women with kids, it is not a big issue...depends if you would like it or not.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    My boyfriend has a child from a previous relationship. I think it depends on a lot of things. Its definitely a huge other aspect to a relationship and you have to come to terms with the fact ye wont be having yer first child together so to speak, hes been there done that with some other woman - that took me a long time to get my head around.

    How is his relationship with the childs mother? In my own case they have a good relationship, she was a bit jealous of me to start with but she is married with two more kids! How long are they seperated? My boyfriend was well into a routine by the time I came along, it was hard to sort when we could spend time together cos you always have to factor in the child.

    It can definitely work but it takes more effort than a regular no child relationship. I make a big effort to get along with the childs mother, even if she wrecks my head the odd time. Its just easier if everyone gets along and the child is the main concern, if both parents are concerned with the happiness of the child and not trying to use the child to get one up on each other then it will work fine.


  • #4
    pw01
    Closed Accounts Posts: 168 ✭✭pw01


    i know, i think its that we will never have our 1st child toghter thats killing me most!

    my sorty is a little different, i have been with my b/f 2 yrs and the child is a result of a 1 night stand (before i came along) and he only found out about it a few weeks ago. he has yet to meet the child.
    it would be fair to say that neither of us really knows the mother well enough but maybe we could get on.
    i was just wondering if there was any success stories out there as i'm abit unsure how i feel about the child but i do love my b/f and hoping that will get us through?


  • #5
    mood
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,264 ✭✭✭mood


    I would think the biggest issue would be if they guy/girl who already have kids will want more with you if the relationship is long term. I know a girl who ended her 7 year relationship because her OH didn't want to marry and have kids again but she did.

    Unless the ex in question is unreasonable i think the situation is manageable.


  • #6
    pw01
    Closed Accounts Posts: 168 ✭✭pw01


    i know my b/f would like us to get married and have kids of our own sum day and so would i.But would it get all confusing when they have a half brother!
    it going to be alot of hard work - i hope its worth it! i think 4 now all hes looking is to support the child and see it a few times a month.maybe that will ease me in


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  • #7
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Firstly fair play to your boyfriend wanting to get to know his child after 2yrs. I think you are actually at an advantage here cos ye can go through this together and you will be sorting out a routine together.

    It will be easier for you to make a bond with the child because ye are doing it at the same pace aswell. My boyfriends child was 6 when I came along and I really had to take his feelings to place all the time so he didnt think I was trying to steal daddy away. In this case ye can get to know the child together.

    I think you should look at it as a good thing, I mean its a shock but ye will get over that fast enough when you get to know the child. You can still get married and have family. I dont think its a bad situation at all. I would advise keeping it as friendly as possible with the mother, hopefully she just wants the best for her child and is not some mad yoke!!

    Best of luck with it


  • #8
    theg81der
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,644 ✭✭✭theg81der


    Hi Op! I`m married to a man with a daughter. She is wonderful and we have a great relatioship but if I could go back I would not have stayed in the relationship.

    I always felt quite strongly about the type of family I wanted and this just isn`t it (having come from a family that was mixed up). I love my hubby obviously but its very difficult. I had a miscarriage a few months ago and have failed to get pregnant since and its really not helped the situation. I thought I could ignore my feeling but I`m just not someone who can.

    So really it depends on the type of person you are but if you feel stronghly about the way you want your family and the dreams you have had for it, I would leave while your both still young and can move on.

    Listen to all the other advice thou and give this some serious consideration.


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