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paternity help

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  • 28-01-2010 10:03am
    #1
    miss determined
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3 ✭


    hi all, please can anyone help me? no nasty comments please, i know iv made massive mistake and nobody can make me feel worse than i already am.. here goes..........( nervously sighs)









    my day my last period was 19th dec09, i had unprotected intercourse with my partner from the 24th dec up until new years eve 2009, however i had one night stand with differnt guy on new years day night @4.00 am, we used withdraw method but i stil felt unsure and took morning after pill on 3rd jan 2010, exactly 32 hours after, i now am preg and need know when i concieved, i know iv been stupid, but really need help , i took the clearblue digital test fri 22nd jan and it says im 3 plus weeks which wud mean the 1 night stand cannot be the father but im so unsure as these tests arnt always accurate, im so ashamed of myself and iv to live with this for rest my life , i know a dna will have to be performed, can an internal scan maybe help with my dates? im considering getting prenatal test done to find out babys dad but there risk of miscarriage, what the hell am i gonna do? please no nasty comments although i do deserve it but im crying so much here i cant write anymore


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    #2
    littlebug
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,832 ✭✭✭littlebug


    :( What an awful situation to be in.
    i'm afraid that given that you were with both men so close in dates there is no way of knowing. You were with one on new years eve and one on new years day right? Really no scan is going to be able to differentiate there.

    Do you know how long your cycle is? If you have a regular 28 day cycle then assuming you mean your last period started on 19th dec then you would have ovulated round about 1-2 jan....so really it could go either way.

    If your cycle is usually regular then chances are that any sexual encounters from anything up to 5 days before your ovulation could have been the one that made you pregnant. The "3 weeks pregnant" result fits with your ovulation having been at that time. I don't know how accurate they are but the result will be based on the actual conception date rather than sex date.
    I don't think there's a lot you can do now but take a few deep breaths, think carefully and rationally and decide what you are going to do next. sorry :(


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    #3
    Swizzles
    Closed Accounts Posts: 179 ✭✭Swizzles


    Hey !
    First of all dont beat yourself up about this your not the first and you wont be the last who this has happened to!
    On the scan side of it they cant give you an acurate date as to when you might have got pregnant as its just a guideline to go by.
    In my opinion best thing to do is to own up.At least then you know where you stand with you partner and that you wont have to spend the next few months not knowing what will happen when you tell him.

    Its strange you took the morning after pill and that you are still pg..Im not an expert on that but seems strange to me ..Maybe someone else can help on that .

    Hope you get the answer your looking for.
    Take care xxx


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    #4
    Das Kitty
    Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 17,231 Mod ✭✭✭✭Das Kitty


    The morning after pill can fail as well. I know someone who took it 4 hours after the event and still got pregnant.

    By the way OP I wasn't having a go in the other thread for posting in the wrong place I was just thinking a mod might want to move it, it wasn't directed at you at all.


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    #5
    K-9
    Registered Users Posts: 43,311 ✭✭✭✭K-9


    Oh, that's a tough one. Unfortunately, I don't think there is anyway to be 100% certain with that time frame.

    Mad Men's Don Draper : What you call love was invented by guys like me, to sell nylons.



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    #6
    Darlughda
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,886 ✭✭✭Darlughda


    Hia OP,

    My heart goes out to you, this is an overwhelming lifechanging situation to find yourself in. There are links elsewhere on this site for advice, counselling etc. Check personal issues and sticky on this forum. Abortion, adoption and other help is available. google will help also. It seems so unfair that such a little indiscretion can lead to such results. Remember, it is only for a woman that such a mistake can result in carrying a child.

    What you have to remember also, this has happened to women for hundreds of years, actually thousands, many of us have secret ancestors none of us know about, least of all the women themselves, who became pregnant without education or as a result of rape/incest.
    Don't be too hard on yourself, this is an unfortunate reality of being a female. Being unfaithful for one night does not make you a bad person and if you decide to go through with this pregnancy you will need to put the needs of your baby first.

    However, you are pregnant and you need support. Financially and emotianally. Is your regular partner able to provide this?
    If so, embrace this and say nothing about what happened. Chances are it is his baby, anyway.

    You will be able to prove the paternity when the baby is born without his knowing (as far as I know, you can proceed with a paternity test without his knowledge, only needing evidence of his dna, but I'm not sure) that there was ever an indiscretion involved.
    Nobody then gets hurt if it is his, and if it isn't better to know for sure rather than risk your emotional health for the next 9 months.
    If the paternity test, after the baby is born, proves it is mr.new years eve, then deal with that then.

    To get through the pregnancy and birth you need the support. It won't be easy unless you can find a way to deal with the guilt and worry.

    However, as I said, chances are it is his, and time and the paternity test will confirm or deny this, in the meantime, do what thousands of women have done before you - if you decide to go through the pregnancy and keep the baby-say nothing!


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    #7
    embee
    Registered Users Posts: 2,890 ✭✭✭embee


    Hi OP,

    This is a terrible situation that you find yourself in and my heart goes out to you. First things first, I hope you're taking care of yourself... we all make mistakes but you need to take care of yourself now and focus on you and your baby.

    As far as I know it is possible to do a test to determine the levels of hCG (the pregnancy hormone) in your blood and it can give you a pretty accurate idea of how pregnant you are in terms of weeks, as the levels more or less double every day in early pregnancy. I'm not sure a GP will do this for you unless there is a specific reason to do so but the test does exist. As far as I can recall it is used with couples who conceive through IVF/IUI and other means of assisted conception. It is used to determine if the pregnancy is developing as it should.

    Again, I'm not sure if a GP will even do this test for you, and it won't tell you for sure who the father of your baby is as it isn't testing the DNA, but it could tell you how many weeks/days pregnant you are which may help somewhat in determining who the father is.

    Best of luck, I know this isn't an easy time for you and if you need to talk, we are all here to listen.


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